The old saying life begins at 40 is a load of old horse manure! I am now reaching the end of my forties and in this decade, I lost my job, got Lupus, Fibrolmyalgia and various other nasty illnesses. I walk like an old woman and I feel like one most days too. Can't wear high heels or have an alcoholic beverage and Can't bend down to reach my feet. I can now tuck my boobs in my socks and I dare not look down onto a mirror or I bear a strong resemblance to a bloodhound. I am rapidly turning into a grumpy old woman who thinks nothing of frightening poor shop assistants with one of my side glances just because the music is too loud.The hair on my head is falling out but, unfortunately, it seems to be coming back out of my chin. Please, someone reassure me that my fifties will be better.
p.s apologies to anyone approaching forty for dispelling the myth. xxxxxxxxxxx
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lillyanne
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I went through my forties feeling pretty much the same, then fifty came around and fast approaching 55. I think there comes a time when you accept what has happened, is happening and what will continue to happen. You have to love yourself for who you are. I've recently stopped colouring my hair when it started to fall out , what a shock but I thought, this is what I have, so let's make the most of it , got a good hairdresser ( who is not expensive) and she worked wonders. Got the tweezers out for the chin and the ones I miss due to my near sight my husband does it! Bless him, we have to laugh. Can't advise about the sagging boobs other than to throw them over your shoulders or find a good doctor to refer you for cosmetic surgery! Hopefully it is just a bad day for you, treat yourself to a long bubble bath, face mask, do your nails and have some me time. Big hug for you and hope you feel better tomorrow. Xxx
Totally understand where you are coming from Lilyanne, although only diagnosed in January, I am 49 and have been tested for the last year. I now have to use a pill box cos I forget what tabs to take and when, thought I had dementia then was relieved to discover its ONLY brain fog!!! Going on holiday soon and wondering whether I will have to pay for the bags under my eyes lol. Can't wear high heels either, but low wedges work and my lupus rash gives me "a lovely healthy glow" . I have more in common with my 75 year old mum and her mates than I do with most folks my age and finally, cos I am fast approaching the big 50 lots of parties which either I don't have the energy to attend or I sit and watch what I should be doing - however as Carolha says, you have to laugh and count your blessings, even if they are hard to find some days. I have very supportive family and friends, still working in a job I love (most days) the hair on my chin is now coming in grey so less noticeable and the last lot of antibiotics did not give me thrush!!!! Big hugs and keep your chin up - make sure it's plucked tho lol xxx
Hahaha! Top marks for your wit ladies and brilliant sense of humour In total agreement, me and my 76 year old mum could be sisters, me being the oldest, lol. Wish you lots of better days. Xoxox
Yes I felt like that too. Having my cosy little world turned upside down and with the Raynauds as well I can barely have my hands in wet compost for 15 mins. Gosh it was murder getting the hanging baskets ready, spent more time in the loo than outside lol. A nice cup of tea warms your hands up a treat. I didn't get the grey hairs on the chin, lots of blind spots. My mother keeps trying to give me all her potions and I keep saying it's the blooming lupus....
All I can say is ...deep breath step back and there are people a lot worse off than us lupies. I watched 24hours in A&E, that poor guy with that pain syndrome. It actually made me cry. Lifes a bitch but we have to not let it beat us down. Have a good day
Great sense of humour girls and just as well as it's much needed in illness.laughter is best medicine.I'm fast approaching 50 and I'm a bit of a party animal (or I was) I've decided I'm not having a party for a lot of reason main one don't have energy,don't get me wrong I still have occasional nights out but if I have a dance(which I love to do)I pay the price (feels like I've been hit by a bus)next day or 2 or 3). So decided to go see me daughter and grandkids in Yorkshire(well surprise them at Christmas)as Xmas day is my birthday.live,love and don't forget laugh x
Think its all something we go though, I didn't have a great time from age 46-48, my fiance cheated and ran off with another woman ( why i was working my ass off at work), then i lost my job, then i got told i had stage 3 melanoma all in 6 months. Two years later things are a lot better, just been told i got vitamin d deficiency, explains why i feel so crap and tired all the time.
im 41 and im starting to see the bloodhound in the mirror when I look down into it too! lol I also check my mole on my jaw daily as it grows a whisker which I have to tweezer out whislt squinting in a magnified mirror!! lol and im now buying a hair highlight kit to help disguise my "natural hilites" as I must be 50% grey/silver now , my knees and elbows are strapped daily.....the egyptian mummy look! and I was 5ft 2 ins at 16 and now im 5ft.....will I be 4ft at 60?!! LOL
my mum offers me all her potions too as she is more energetic than me! and to top it off they say you look like your dog.....well cookie is short,scruffy,grumpy and a bit scatty!? ....YEAH THANKS!! LOL x
My 40s were a pretty crap - around my birthday things were looking up, the then undiagnosed problem with my arm and hand seemed not too bad when I could walk ong distances and I got very fir on an amazing arts residency. was teaching in FE & HE. selling work... then it started to spread and psoriatic arthritis and tendonitis was diagnosed. through the decade depression, fybromyalgia, ups and down of endometriosis.Last year of 40s when I was attempting a revival of art career it went really pear shaped. loads more endometriosis and back to rheumatologt - bilateral pain in body, extreme sun sensitivity. any activity making me feel worse, diagnosis: SLE & Sjogren's syndrome. My feet are so bad I live in running shoes with extra insole via podiatry. The irony of wearing such shoes when running is impossible. Can't drink alcohol as taking codeine & tramadol - only ever really have the odd glass of cava...
As my 49th birthday treat was a bra remeasure and the purchase of new bras, can definitely recommend!
I live with my parents 73 & Ma almost 76, both working still & doing lots of physical work; Ma still runs where she could walk!!
I lose my sense of humour frequently. What I really need to lose is weight. over Dec/Jan lost weight due to not well then in March I started to eat cake etc to help replace lost sense of humour etc.
Thank you all for making me smile. Today has started badly in every sense of the word, and my "beloved" is doing his best to win title of tactless husband of the year award. However, I can relate to all of the above. Started going grey at 15, yes 15, and now at 57 I am completely grey - and carry it with with pride - even though most people think I am at least 67. I too have shrunk in height - but have expanded in width. Could get job as bearded lady in freak show if didn't shave. Can't see properly, have "selective" hearing, boobs which were once my pride, I could now use as a scarf. Have aches and pains in places I never knew could hurt. Am carer for mother in law who has entered her second childhood - ie acts like a petulent toddler most of the times, and no one "suffers" like she does. Still every day is a fresh day and I carry my secret Lupus. Keep strong ladies - we are the backbone.
Well ladies I have a good giggle this morning reading your comments. I think you've got to have a laugh about things or go crazy thinking about the negatives! Positives of being nearly fifty, I am more confident than I ever was in my twenties and have learned to stick up for myself. I no longer have to suffer fools gladly, my kids are old enough to help me with my shopping and I don't have to rock them to sleep, the dog is older than me in dog years and is as immobile as I am so she sits on my feet and keeps them warm all day. Love to all of you and keep smiling xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Lol I loved these it made my day. I'm laughing and cringing at the same time it's made me feel I'm not alone lol. At the moment I have developed a freakish unibrow that want stop growing may have to resort to dying that now!!! My waxing can't keep up lol. My rejumen includes dying the hair, plucking the chin, buying new clothes as I go up yet another size and fighting with octogenarians for the last packet of fish oil on the shelves!!! And wondering if I'll win lol.
Oh dear you poor thing, I too am in my fourties have had lupus for twenty years and am damned grateful to be alive as it is no longer a death sentence as it used to be. I have turned my negatives into positives and hope that these points might be able to help you too:
Ok so boobs that look like empty socks with a walnut on the end are not attractive but they leave plenty of space for chicken fillets to give you that bit of oomph they have lost! I have been completely bald for years, it is handy as I save a fortune on hairdressing my daughter told me how much she spent on something I used to have done and I was shocked that is more than inflation! I don't get crash helmet hair either and am surrounded by male bikers who spend ages trying to get this look several times a week in font of the mirror. As for the alcohol, well there are some great alternatives and they are much cheaper as they have no duty on them so save the difference and treat yourself to something nice sometime, maybe that will help to make you feel better. I had to retire in my twenties which made me feel quite down but my kids have kept me going - they have been registered as my carers since they were three and five and are twenty and twenty two now.
I still can not go back to work but do a few hours voluntary work in a hospital each week and just to help make somebody else's day a bit brighter perhaps make them smile or know I have given them comfort gives me a great deal of satisfaction.
As for mirrors...what mirrors? I just avoid them and don't wear make up so don't need them and having no hair they are an optional extra in my house - my daughter has some if I need one, I am normally in jeans or leathers so am quite happy that I don't need to look at them in a mirror.
I know that when you get this awful disease it is a shock and if you have never had ill health in your life before you have to go through a grieving process for the life that you had and eventually find acceptance for the new life you are going to have but believe me that life can be very full and satisfying. I have been in and out of hospitals since I was twelve due to other issues so found it easier when I got this and am lucky that my family have coped very well. You will find that after the shock, anger, grieving and initial fear you will find you will eventually find acceptance and get on with life despite the lupus and you will live around it and not let it interfere too much. Don't think of it as the number one enemy but more of an inconvenience but you are going to live despite it being around.
I am lucky to be blessed with a great sense of humour and a strong personality which keeps me going. I sincerely hope that my words of encouragement can help you through your down days and with luck maybe even help pick you up a bit and help you smile,
I have quite enjoyed this read and of course we all relate. I am 59 1/2 years old. Remember when we were little and we were so anxious to grow up that the day after a birthday you would be saying, "I am almost . . .", upping to the next year. Now we say, "I have just turned . . ." right up to the day before your next birthday. I have a question about all the hair growing on my face that I don't remember having before - my cheeks, chin, sideburns and eyebrows that I don't know where they start or finish. Plucking works on those ones you have developed a relationship with and your just waiting for them to stick their heads up and you got them, but what can we do with the rest of the face? I don't know if you can wax your whole face or if skin could take it. Has anybody with the "healthy glow" ever tried the creams that remove hair and survived it. Tempted to try but a bit nervous. Take care everyone!
Thank you all I can totally relate to all at 56. Mum still outruns me but complains she's aching- I sit down while she shops!! Tweezers at the side of the bed too. I'm hoping when I have mammogram in 2 weeks they find my boobs tho !! Bad day for me today until I read all your comments, now feeling brighter- still hurting but feel cheered up by you all xxx
What a delight to read this thread! I have also been hating my 40s . . . I'm now 47. I've had problems with my health since my teens but generally managed to always look on the bright side and soldier on. However, the past couple of years have been really hard psychologically as much as physically and I blame it on the perimenopause/impending menopause. I have PCOS and endometriosis (not uncommon additions for us women with autoimmune problems) and feel like I'm going battle with my 'female insides'. My youngest is only 7 so I'm really aware just how tired and exhausted I feel all the time and then it compounds the guilt about not being an active mum. The physical stuff I find I can cope with - yes, it can make you cross and grumpy but it's the anxiety and sense of dread for the future that I've found especially difficult since being diagnosed with Sjogrens last August. I agree that we have to keep positive and count our blessings but sometimes I feel I need some help to do this. I've almost reached the point where I'm prepared to pay a hypnotist to try and change how I feel inside my head! It would be nice to think that a lot of this is just down to the hormonal hell of late 40s/early 50s and that side of things will even out in due course. Love and hugs to everyone on here - thank goodness that at least we can share these kinds of thoughts and issues with each other!
Yup I too was looking forward to my 40s, until all the lupus symptoms decided to come all at once. .....don't know what to say. ....im 42 this year and nothing is minutely getting better. ....not going to get my hopes up for my 50s.. xx Uzi xx
Hahahahahaha ..all those comments would brighten up any rainy day! Laughing IS great medicine! At 65 I am actually in better shape than 'like what I was' back in me' 40s ..50s even. So there is hope - even if it is my mum I keep seeing in the mirror nowadays. Well, as long as it's not my gran ..eh!! xxx
Phew . . . you give us all hope there Nightjar . . . and a good laugh too! (Mind you I'm beginning to see traces of my Gran looking back at me in the mirror sometimes - gulp!!!) xxx
Well I'm half way through my fifties, though boobs are on their way to Australia! So pleased that I'm not on my own....life begins at 40...doah...divorce, redundancy and house moving...no it didn't for me. Fifties were no better, lost job earlier this year now they want pay back for over paying me sick pay....ain't life grand?
Have been having a great laugh at posts.
Parents still have trouble with illness, Mum forgets I'm 30 years younger... treats me as a contemporary!!! Comes to something when a late 70's is comparing shoes!!!
Try not to look in mirror as have the mask of Zorro in red!!!! Plus the photosensitivity and blisters galore..... it's great to be different.
Hate to say it, but don't smoke the only vice at this minute is drink, goodness knows there's very little else in life..,when I suffer it's only me that suffers...and at the time, all half hour of it, the enjoyment outways the consequences.....like most of us takes over a week to recover a nights drinking.
Just had the dreaded letter from Athos.....really gone on a downward spiral, as having runny eyes at the minute, and can't stop crying! Has anyone got any tips for the Athos interview?
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Oh yeah and I'm chubby now
Postponing the chores......again!
ANA test results
Chest/back pain + wind + breathlessness????!!!
