Sex and lupus

[ijeasike]

Pls my fellow Lupies in relationships, how do u cope with the bodily pain after sex? And does lupus restrict some moves lol. In general does lupus affect anybodies sex life?

[Welshexile]

Hi ijeasike, this does stills seem to be quite a taboo, I have only ever got as far as searching for any discussions around it, glad you were brave enough to voice the question! Not only the subject of pain and exhaustion afterwards but does anyone else feel like me - the fact that the combination of pain, exhaustion and the drug cocktail seems to have sent my libido packing?

[ijeasike in reply to Welshexile]

Lol I love ur expression 'sent ur libido packing' guess it went on an early summer cruise. I do understand I feel d same

[Lesi]

i know how you feel about this. Have been married 50yrs this year, I am 66yrs and my husband is 69yrs and he drives me mad. He takes no notice when I say I just can't do it. Infact I'm not the tiny big interested. I think most men are very selfish haha x

[beckside]

Lack of libido, mine got up and went long ago - am I bothered. Might be a good question for a poll lol.

[artemis5]

For me is the fatigue that's the main problem. By the time we put our daughter to bed I'm so exhausted I just want to go to sleep...

[Geordie-chick in reply to artemis5]

Snap lol

[artemis5 in reply to Geordie-chick]

Yes, I find it hilarious too...

[Hidden]

I'm glad I have a partner that seems to understand, yes men are selfish but he understands that my lupus makes me very achy and fatigued so he tries not to push me too much. However I try not to go a week without having sex, as you know how men can be...don't want to suffer him in that department. If I have a flare up lasting more than a week, sorry but no sex for a while from me...my health is more important...hahaha

[ijeasike]

I am not in a relationship and I dnt envy those in one, cos I am in somuch pain and fatigue dat I might drop dead in d middle of d sex. I guess d best thing have a glass of water and painkiller beside d bed, take b4 and after sex lol! Xx ijeasike's prescrpition.

[beckside]

That's a passion killer!!!!!!. On 2nd thoughts I might try it!

[Hidden]

Hi,

when fatigue and pain set in then just lay back and think of England ladies or stimulate your man in other ways as they're looking for release more than intimacy usually, it can be over in 5 mins and you have one happy chappie who'll then do your bidding for a little while. Oh yes, if you imply sexual stimulation of some kind is on the cards earlier on he may be more willing to help with housework etc to help conserve some of your energy - come on and use your feminine charm ladies. Some form of sexual stimulus is important in a relationship so put it on your things to do list and make a little time, like a date night and I will say that an orgasm helps me to relax and its even my aid to sleep - no gymnastic involved.

If you think about it for many years sex has been the ladies weapon of choice, lol, we with hold it when we want to manipulate or punish our guys in some way, but we also reward them with it too. Quickies are the way to go or just a little play, anything to put a little smile on his face, but only if he deserves it! There are sex toys you can use and videos etc that you can watch together and have a code you both understand i.e. green - bareable yellow - starting to hurt red - stop!!!! Get him involved in solving the issues so at least he knows you want him. Hope this helped and didn't offend, wasn't meant to. Xx

[Chapter]

I agree Guildford, sometimes you just don't feel like it but, as as I tell my husband of 40 years, "it is good exercise". We have found that we are both tired and sore in evenings but weekends, if all is well, you have all day. My issue is more my husbands hesitation sometimes, he thinks I am not feeling up to it or it will tire me out and he will put me off. I have tried to explain to him that I will let him know when I am not up to anything, not for him to decide, he can say he isn't interested if he wants but don't put it on me. I guess that is one of my fears with this whole thing! I know that he loves me and will do anything for me but I have trouble with the way he looks at me sometimes now - checking me out for illness, or tiredness. I know that is good and kind and that there are a lot of ladies out there that would appreciate that care, but I don't want to be his patient. To be honest, just like everyone else, he can't really tell how I feel by looking at me anyway, right? I may end up feeling crappy later but I probably would have anyway, so enjoy the moment. For me, being his lover for over 40 years is a big part of who I am, and I am not ready to give that part of my life up yet. I hope he isn't either.

[Hidden in reply to Chapter]

40 years, fantastic! Yes, I wish my ex had been as considerate as your husband. May be make some boudoir invitations, if he gets one then he's ok to seduce you, lol. Sometimes talking about it beforehand ruins the moment doesn't it so we have to find ways to get straight to the point and make it a little fun. Keep on keeping the romance alive :-)

[overnighthearingloss]

If you have Raynauds as well and you have different ideas about comfortable room temperatures that can bring an additional set of problems.

[ijeasike in reply to overnighthearingloss]

Wow I can imagine. It is a hard nut to crack but we are suvivors

[Sheenas]

I have no sex Drive at all, rather have a cuppa tea or a nap... lol... got worse since having full hysterectomy wasn't so bad before as used to have a twinge but now nothing, and I mean nothing... love hubby to bits and luckily understanderble to a point.. however now seeing docs and on 3rd lot of hormones to try and make me a little fruity, we live in hope as I gotta lot of life left in the old (young) girl yet as ony 45!!!! and been like ths for a few years now.... and would like to enjoy it.....

Anyone have any hormone recommendations feel free to let me know...

PS yes have Lupus and lots of other health issues, far to long to list and quite boring xx

[ijeasike in reply to Sheenas]

Hang in there dear . Xx

[Hidden in reply to Sheenas]

hi, my libido took a hike really after having children and it didn't pick up till last year - 11 years later. I went through menopause early at 43 and my sex drive came back naturally at 48 so i do believe its mainly hormonal but once you get the balance right again either through medication or naturally you'll be one. So there's hope. Xxx

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You'll be fine, not 'one', lol.

[Sheenas]

Here's hoping lol x

[Adamine]

What a fab question...

For me - no libido after total hysterctomy 10yrs ago plus I had a 3yr old with special needs and a stroppy teenager with a lot of attitude - so I now have HRT with extra testosterone. I have no problems now luckily

But as I have a "touch of Sjogren's" I have to use a lot lube, and due to dodgy arthritic hips can get "locked in position" - by my partner is fab and we see the funny side of it - and yes I have Raynauds too - so can get cold very easily.

I'm in a new relation ship since last summer - and it's a big part of our relationship. Even though I'm at times very tired - it's always what I/we want to do...

Axx

[Goosneysgirl]

Has anyone dealt with the fact that they were feeling pretty good and after having good sex the next morning you woke up with a flair or is it just me? Husbands afraid to touch me now

[ijeasike in reply to Goosneysgirl]

I can understand that. Try d painkiller b4 and after sex and c if it works.

Take care dear

[Goosneysgirl]

Thanks