could some please tell me if live whith someone who smokers and will not stop what to do about it

[dewbery]

hi i live whith some one who smokers and i had lung cencer two years a go and he will not stop smoking what do i do as am allways down the doctors whith pains in my chest and all because he will not stop smoking if some could please tell what to do

[Billculbard]

Hi there,

Personally I think you only have two choices, neither of them easy. Either he stops smoking in the house, or you leave. Your health comes first and your man's attitude is purely and simply selfish.

I have plenty friends who still smoke against their spouces wishes, but they all (mostly) have the decency to step outside an do it. He either thinks a lot of you - or he doesn't!

Good luck, Bill

[dewbery in reply to Billculbard]

hi thank you for that he will not do it out side and he will not stop and yes he is selfish iam going to get a move out of there

[dewbery]

thank you for that he will not go out side and he will not stop so i think i will move out

[willowtree]

Hi, I agree with Bill. He is very selfish. I learned a long time ago that you can not control what others do. I would be more sympathetic if he at least tried and failed, or had the decency to step outside, but if he is doing neither then you should leave and look after yourself, because that is the only thing you can control. I and my 3 children asked my husband for many years to give up smoking (he always went outside) did succeed a couple of times, but always went back to it. My concern was not for us but for him. and then pow, out of the blue he was diagnosed with lung cancer and it was inoperable. My parents still smoke, having also lost my sister to lung cancer, and it drives me crazy, but I can't control it. It is their choice. I no longer let them smoke in my house, but when I come here (as I am now because she is in hospital with a broken hip and on oxygen becasue she has COPD) I spend most of my time in another room. I can't make them stop, but I can control where I am. Be strong, think of your own health. Give him an ultimatum and if he won't stop, or at least try, it is time to go. My husband found hypnotherapy the only way he could stop. Good luck.

[sandra123]

Hi Dewbery

So sorry you are having to deal with this.

It is bad enough that he will not smoke outside at your request but to refuse to do so when you have had lung cancer is utterly selfish and unforgivable.

Is there someone else that could talk to him and one that he would listen to?

You have to think of your own health and shouldn't have to be living in those conditions.

Sorry if this seems a bit hard but I'm finding it hard not to let out a few swear words here.

Good luck- will be thinking of you.

Love and hugs.

Sandra

p.s If you join the lung cancer group on the Macmillan site someone on there might be able to help you.x

[dewbery in reply to sandra123]

thank you for that and no he will not list to me or any body other than me and my doctor has said he needs to stop but he will not i think i need to move out as like you said i need to think of my health thank you for listening to me sue

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry that you haven't got the support you so desperately need from your partner. I'm lucky that all my friends and family have given me support since my diagnosis. Even during chemotherapy where there are foods I cannot eat my family and friends have given them up too as feel its unfair to eat them infront of me. Moving out is a very drastic step, but then life is so very precious, only you can make that decision. The best answer for both your health is to stop the smoking completely. Good luck, if they truly love you a solution will be agreed upon. x