my dad just found out he has lung cancer

i was with my dad as he got this terrible news yest, im not sure if he is at a late stage or not, if i go off what ive read and how the scans looked he seems to have advanced stage 4 cancer the hospital suspect its single cell and its started to spread im not very hopefull my poor dad has no idea how serious this is thinks he will be bk well and not off work long.

i have had to keep to myself how bad it looks i dont know how to tell him what i think it will break him. Hes having a biopsy on mon to deter main if its single cell like they suspect then treatment if any will be offered they said probably chemo im a little bit confused as to wat this all means but hope there is something they can do. i feel like im in a nightmare i cant wake up from.

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  • Hi Michelle

    I'm so very sorry to read about your dad's diagnosis. Unfortunately I don't have much positive input to give you but as nobody else seems to have given you a reply I didn't want to read and run.

    My dear husband Neil was diagnosed with stage 4 adenocarcinoma of the lung in June 2015 when he was 54. He had xrays which spotted the shadow followed by ct scans biopsy and then PET/CT scans. His cancer had spread considerably. When he was told of his diagnosis he was allocated a specialist lung cancer nurse who was our first point of contact at the hospital. Was your dad given a named nurse after his appointment? If you can get hold of this nurse she should be able to find some of the answers to your questions. (I must say that Neils named nurse was rather illusive) It's good that your dad had you with him. Myself and our daughter always went to appointments with Neil - and we each heard different things then sat and chatted about what each had gleaned. Write down any questions you have so you don't come away from appointments forgetting to ask about stuff. The biopsy will be looking to confirm the type of cancer and if there are any mutations which might make your dad suitable for targeted treatments. In my husbands case he was offered 6 rounds of chemo as well as some radiotherapy for pain control and also gamma knife as his cancer had spread to his brain. .

    Sadly this is an unforgiving disease that's often not caught until it's progression is well under way. Our own story is not a positive one. My husband did not reach his 55th birthday but many people do battle on and you should hold on to that thought.

    I wish you and your dad well. I'm sure you will get lots if support here on the forums

    Netty

  • I can only agree with all that Michelle has said, this is an unforgiving illness.

    My dad was diagnosed in January with stage 4 lung cancer and sadly like Michelle we have lost our beloved dad.

    You must also bare in mind that there are many positive outcomes too.

    My advice is ask as many questions as you need to, get as much information as you can. (do not be overwhelmed by the stories you will come across as each case is different and each person will have a different reaction to treatments)

    A support network is key, so build it up, let family/friends help, we had tremendous care from our district nursing team and the wonderful Marie curie nurses, (who stayed with us the last 3 nights) we nursed dad at home where he wanted to be.

    I know this is horrendous for you to try and come to terms with, it does hit hard and you sound like you are still in a state of shock, this will pass.

    I coped by making lots of lists, write everything down, thoughts, fears, hopes, there is no such thing as a stupid question, so ask your consultant, tell them what's on your mind.

    In our experience they were always happy to explain, in layman's terms, everything you will need to know. They will give you a treatment plan and all the advice you need.

    see what the biopsy on Monday reveals and take it one day at a time from there.

    If I can be of any assistance, from someone who has just been through this, do not hesitate to get in touch.. and I will endeavor to try and help if I can..

    good luck

    x

  • thanks he gets his treatment plan tomorrow im trying to stay positive but the horror stories have really scared me my dad how ever has been amazing to get such bad news and still have a sense of humour hes had all the hospital staff in sitches sorry for your loss too,

    michelle xxx

  • my dads biopsy showed he has non small cell stage 4 lung cancer hes had a blood test at hospital to see if hes well enough for chemo and because his pain is so bad they are hoping that a round of radiotherapy will help ease his pain, not sure how long we are looking at today he was struggling to catch his breath while talking this keeps happening this is such a cruel illness thanks for your support xxxx

  • Sorry for late reply been an emotional few wks his biopsy has confirmed its non small cell cancer spread to glands and its inoperable they are offering chemo and radiotherapy to help with pain and symptoms hes been given gapapenton and morphine for his pain as its terrible, they have gave us no time limit so we will have to enjoy each day as it comes thanks so sorry for your loss,

    michelle xxxx

  • Oh I'm so sorry to hear your news.. This will be a very traumatic and emotional time for you and your family. I can relate to it all. It's funny how a sense of humour helps in such dark times. We laughed all through dads treatment... Spending time with your dad now is key and I hope you have an understanding boss, I did and I'm forever thankful for that. I massaged my dads feet every evening, he loved it, it relaxed him and sent him to sleep, even On his not so good days he would wiggle his toes as if to say, do it.. Lol it's all the small things that matter... Please keep me posted.. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. T x

  • Thanks love its been stressful for sure he gets his first chemo on tue an his first radiotherapy on wed his pain is very bad hes lost the ability to want to eat, so sorry you and your dad had to go through this cancer is so cruel xxxxxx

  • Hi Michelle,

    This must have been devastating news for you and your dad. The lung cancer clinical nurse specialist (CNS) involved in your dads care will be a good person to advise you how to discuss issues with him regarding his diagnosis and his future management based on the results of his biopsy on Monday. The CNS is in the unique position to see patients like your dad throughout his cancer journey and to monitor how he is coping. His care will be based on being open and honest, understanding both you and your dads’ anxieties, whilst respecting your views and setting realistic mutual goals in order to attain the best quality of life for him.

    Both Netty and Ahudreddas have given you good advice as regarding important questions to ask when you visit the clinic next. Just as everyone is individual so is the management of their illness as there is no uniform response to treating all patients with the same type of cancer in the same way.

    You may want to list the health care teams contact details in your phone for quick contact links.

    Kind regards

  • thanks im too scared to ask how long or how bad it will get but i will see what the treatment plan is tomorrow i trying to be his rock me being strong is helping him be strong xxxx

  • Hi Michelle

    Im so sorry that your dads outlook is so poor. Its so shocking to hear the words inoperable isnt it? :( We were also too scared to ask how long and truthfully - doctors are NOT Gods. They can only guess. Some people do so much better than others. Sadly my husband Neil was taken just 10 weeks after diagnosis but I have known people who were expected to live just a very short time manage many months more. We just took every day as it came and tried to enjoy the little things. On the days when he was so ill through chemo sitting and holding hands was as rock n roll as it got - but I treasure those moment. Simple but so precious.

    Are you your dad's main care giver? Just try to look after yourself. Try to eat properly. Get enough sleep. I'm a member of a really lovely friendly group on Facebook 'for cancer carers' If you would like somewhere to vent drop me a line and I will add you. It's so important to have a support network. Keep posting. Keep sharing your worries.

    Wishing you well

    Netty x

  • Thanks love, trying to stay positive had dates for chemo and hes had his 4 hr intervals blood tests today to see if hes well enough for it lets pray he is he has app with two docs nxt wk one to sort out radiotherapy, if hes able to get it and the other to discuss the chemo which will start on the 12th im going on holiday on the 19th so he will have a two rest period while im gone my dad lives alone and me and my sisters are sharing out all the hospital stuff just have to pull together, as for facebook at the moment we have not put anything on facebook as my dad asked us not too hes a very private man. But if i need help i will consider this, looked at my dad today and he had a sadness in his eyes he asked me if i thought he would get to xmas my heart sank as i have no idea id like to say yes but i changed the subject to try as not to upset him. i know everyones different but please god let my dad be the one who reacts well to treatment how ever long it gives him.

    xxxxxx

  • Hope you are able to recharge your batteries. It's tough caring for a loved one when they're so sick. As for the Facebook group - it's private so nobody but the members can see what's said. Sometimes it's handy to have the support of people going through the same journey. Take care of yourself

    Netty

  • thanks love x

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