The end

[Jill83]

My dad has now been sent home to die.

Last week he was making soup and doing a really hard puzzle. He woke up the next day and was admitted with a chest infection. He’s now on a syringe driver.

I can’t get my head around it. We spoke on the phone when he was in hospital he was walking. How has this happened. They found he has skull metastasis but that’s clearly been there longer and he’s been ok.

He’s heavily sedated. I can’t help thinking. Should we stop the driver and will he wake up.

We don’t want him in pain but I can’t believe I’ll not have another conversation with him again.

I’m looking at the last text messages he sent. It doesn’t feel real x

[Denzie]

So very sorry it has reached this point. This disease can be insidious that way. Walking, biking, cooking one day unconscious the next. It’s the worlds worst rollercoaster ride. I send prayers for a gentle landing. I know my mom’s brain mets caused her excruciating pain and she required whole brain radiation to relieve the pain.

In the end the morphine was a Godsend. It kept her comfortable till she breathed her last.

[Jill83 in reply to Denzie]

He’s got a syringe driver on now and seems comfortable. I’m reading old text messages from him and I can’t take this pain anymore. It hurts like no other pain I’ve ever felt. Does it ever get easier ?

[Denzie in reply to Jill83]

Time was the only thing that eased my pain. I don’t think it ever fully goes sway.

[rammie6]

It seems to happen like this. At 1pm on my Dad's final day we were laughing and watching football together whilst he ate an ice lolly. By 4.30 he was virtually unconscious in an Ambulance and he passed away at 6.01 pm the same day. I wish you all the best at this awful time. It never goes away, but time makes it softer. X

[Jill83 in reply to rammie6]

We just can’t process any of this. He looks so well lying there. I don’t want him in pain but don’t want him to go either. Even having him here like this is still having him here x

[Eglingham]

I'm so sorry to hear your news, it is awful when they are good one minute then the next your told no hope, the driver will mean he has no pain which really is the only comfort. We never forget time is the only thing that eases the pain. Prayers to you all.

[Nimrod2]

Thinking of you. As others have said this can happen so quickly. My husband deteriorated in a similar way. It is an awful time. The pain for you will ease over time. Remember the good times you had and be glad that his passing will be peaceful.

[Gwennewcomer]

Sending prayers for your dad, you and your family.

[Beagle36]

So sorry. My mum passed away a few weeks ago and this sounds so familiar. I was chatting to her on the phone the night before, she was admitted to hospital the next day and put on end of life care. I’m thankful that it was peaceful and she didn’t suffer at the end as it was so quick. I truly hope the pain eases in time. Stay strong, I know it’s hard.

[Jill83 in reply to Beagle36]

I’m so sorry. How are you coping. I’ve got 2 small children and I’m finding it so hard to function x

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle]

Dear Jill83

So very sorry to hear about your Dad and how truly difficult this must be for you all, especially as it is all happened very quickly for everyone.

The syringe driver is necessary to keep your Dad comfortable and pain free, which as you may know can have a sedative effect. Keep talking to him, even though he may not be able to answer or respond, he will be able to hear you.

Everyone is different in what degree of information they want at this difficult time, but if you would like some more details or support on caring for someone who is dying, you may find this link useful from Macmillan support:

macmillan.org.uk/cancer-inf...

If you wish to discuss anything you can call us on our freephone nurse led helpline number on 0800 358 7200, Monday to Thursday 0900-1700 and Friday 0900-1600.

Thinking of you all.

The Roy Castle Support Team

[GoldenDoodle19]

I’m so so sorry. Your post has shocked me. I’ve become a bit complacent about how well my mum is doing but clearly it’s a happy situation that can change in a heartbeat. I am a little while behind you, in terms of dealing with the grief of this terrible disease, but I will get there alas. I can only offer you solidarity and strength from a traveller on the same road. Please keep posting if you can. Don’t worry about your little two: death is part of life. They need to know this. Get support wherever you can and be gentle with yourself. Much love.

[Jill83 in reply to GoldenDoodle19]

I’m so sorry your going through this. I cannot believe this day in age this is still a disease and people are suffering like this.

We can’t get on top of his pain relief

[RoyCastleHelpline Partner Ask the Nurse Roy Castle]

Dear Jill83

I have sent you a private message.

Kind regards

The Roy Castle Support Team