Chemo blues

I am feeling particularly gloomy ,I am half way through post op chemo seem to have multiple drug side effects all small variations not major ,struggling with emotions feel like I am visiting hell ,worried about the impact this is having on my ever so patient loving husband and even my adult children .Does everyone feel like this ,I could just walk away from all the drugs and wait and see ,I am desperate to feel normal again just to forget all this happened to me ,but realistically I have been adviced that this type cancer is highly likely to return so I have to carry on for two more cycles .Just hate chemo feel really low is this how it is for everyone ? I am going to try swimming again next week as chemo free hopefully counts will be climbing again ,promised myself a walk to the sea front to-day no matter what even if I have to bus it back .This is negative post and I apologise it is such a tough road to walk .

[LorraineD Partner Roy Castle]

Hi Diane

It sounds as though you are having a tough time physically and emotionally with chemo. Hang tight you are giving your Body the Best option for now in defeating the cancer.

People react differently to chemo. No-One would question your decision if It was too much for you. Do keep up All the brilliant efforts with walking, swimmming and being honest about the downs in this. I an sure your family find It hard but would much prefer give you their suppport and see you manage through this.

I Am sure there are many people in the forum who know what this is like. If It helps focus on the gooddays, good hours and good weeks and plan for your recovery period.

Sorry this is tough, no need to pretend It isnt. Hope the sea and fresh air help, but pace yourself. There will be à good "new normal" ahead.

Thinking about you,

Lorraine

[Hidden in reply to LorraineD]

Thank you Lorraine

[jillygirl]

Hi Diane, Your a very brave lady. I know exactly how you feel with the chemo. Unfortunately they had to stop my chemo as it didn't agree with me. You seem to be coping even though its hard. Stay strong. xxxx

[Hidden in reply to jillygirl]

Thanks that's it ,it is hard to keep strong but I don't want it back so I have keep going.Sorry to hear you had problems with chemo hopefully they found another way to attack your cancer .x

[jujuju]

Its horrible stuff Diane. Just keep reminding yourself it will soon be behind you.Dont worry about your family. They will cope. Just get yourself through it. Drink as much fluid as you can and try and keep moving the first few days and it helps to get it out of your system.

Best wishes

Julie x

[Hidden in reply to jujuju]

Thanks Julie all support is welcome at this point, because it truly is horrible stuff ,I did manage a longish walk yesterday which improved my mood somewhat, just crashed out when I got home but I felt better for doing it.x

[Inula]

Hi Diane

I hope you are finding the strength to endure your treatment. Speaking from the point of view of a family member your loved ones will want you well again again even though they will be distressed to see you feeling so poorly right now. I would imagine they will be very afraid that you won't finish your course of chemotherapy because of the side effects which might mean you are at risk of your cancer returning. It is awful watching loved ones battling this dreadful disease but hopefully you will all be looking towards a brighter future.

I wish you all the good luck in the world

Netty x

[Hidden in reply to Inula]

Hi Netty ,you are right my husband just keeps saying keep going your nearly there, sometimes I look over at him and think arrrrh,but what else can he say he is always saying just rest don't worry about anything the treatment may get you a cure it will be worth it .I think he is worried that I will just give up but I know I wouldn't now I have walked down this path, unless advised differently by the oncologist .I will just have to keep going even with a big sigh. Thanks for your kind words .x

[Jenco]

Hang in there Diane. You sound as though you are doing great and you've got to go through the downs to appreciate the ups. I have just started a new chemo regime and finished up in hospital with chest pains - they've ruled out all the nasties and think it's just the chemo and they are working to get the pain under control I think I probably feel similar to you - apprehensive - but want to give myself the best chance but so wish things were back as they were before. Unfortunately no chance. Keep walking, swimming, smiling whatever - it all helps. Good luck and love

Jenny

[Hidden in reply to Jenco]

Thank you Jenny for your support it is always good when it comes from someone as most people on this page are ,actually going through or have gone through chemo regimes,good luck with your new regime and hopefully they can sort out pain killers for your chest pain.Dianex

[littlenanny in reply to Hidden]

Hi Diane, keep going you've broke its back you can do the other half, I have just finished my chemo along with 3 lots of magnesium infusions and 2 blood transfusions along the way but finally finished the chemo and so will you,

wishing you all the best

Margaret x

[excavator]

Diane, it is difficult but if you have no major effects that is probably a good sign. Don't worry about your family, they will be supporting you even if you think you're being a complete pain in the whatsit. I'm sure they're full of admiration for you for going through all of this- after all, it's for their sake as much as yours. I know that now from my own experience.

You're half way through, not much point in stopping now unless you're told to do so by your doctors. I kept on telling myself when I was at the same stage as you are and feeling the strain that I was 100% in control of my own chemo treatment and could stop whenever I wanted to. After going though the first half I thought I might as well try the third stage, as I had nothing to lose. After that, there was only one to go so it would be totally pointless to stop then. I can still vividly remember the relief when I walked out of the chemo unit after the final infusion.

Hang in there, it will get better after you're finished with it. I think any chance of beating this is worth it.

DC.

[Hidden in reply to excavator]

Hi DC ,you are right every time I think about shopping the chemo I can't quite do it ,because later if it came back I would always be thinking that if only I had had the treatment recommended I would be ok or got more time .The what if's are Hugh ,I will mank and moan about it but I know in my heart of hearts I will see it through I have no choice.Thanks for replying .Diane.

[tilstongal]

Oh poor you, I do so sympathise. Black thoughts, chemo side effects, fear and denial are all the things I had with chemo and radio. It's just the most awful, scary thing in the world. But hopefully this is going to get you better and this is the thought you must cling to - it is a means to an end. Try to be positive, God knows it's hard but do try and remember there are plenty who have trodden this path before and they're here to support you!

Love and hugs,

Tilstongal

[Hidden in reply to tilstongal]

Thanks for those words ,it helps talking with others who are going through this process of cure hunting ,my feelings range from complete rage denial and despair and great sadness which is always present. Physically I am now feeling better started taking some multi vitamins just in case my diet is covering everything ,which I think is making me feel a little brighter and this my chemo free week so I am going to get busy to take my mind off things before my next onslaught of chemo ,burying my head in busyness will stop my brain going into overdrive.x

[Sheeni27]

Hang in there, you can do it, it's a journey no one should ever have to do but we have been and done it and some of us are still on that journey, stay positive, best wishes

[Hidden in reply to Sheeni27]

Thanks for the reply ,feeling a little better about things this week now on chemo free days.Diane x