Hi all , been a long time since I've been on here. I've been going through a bad time with depression and anxiety. It's a combination of a few things going on in my life, believe it or not my most concern is not for myself, with stage 4 lung cancer. So far things are on an even keel with that , get Sandostatin shot once a month. Some months are better than others.
My main concern is for my son. He had such a bright future in front of him, Assistant teaching while getting his masters in creative writing . We even went out to California, from PA, because he was supposed to be graduating , only to find out he couldn't tell us he had to take a medical leave because of depression, so had his therapist tell us. Worse day of my life. Now I don't know what the future will be for him. He had such promise, very intellegent .The professor he had even wanted to test him for genius level.
But he said no, he didn't want that. I can't even think about my cancer right now, Don't even care. My main concern is my son, it is breaking my heart to have this happening to him.
Sorry for the rant, just needed to talk to you guys , praying for a brighter future.
Donna
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Depression is a terrible thing and reading this as a mother myself my heart aches for you. As mothers sometimes in life there are things we can't fix for our children but being there for him will be a blessing to him. I am sending prayers up for him and your family. I wish I had the perfect words to make you feel better but I don't. I can tell you though I will have you in my prayers and him too. Please keep us updated. We are hear to listen.
Thank you so much, Janice. This is why I turn to this group, the level of support and caring helps me cope better. Thank you for your prayers for JP and my family.
I feel so helpless, as you know.He is also having a difficult time dealing with the possibility of losing me to this illness. I try to stay positive around him while inside I'm a mess. Thanks again for caring.
So sorry to hear you’re going through this. I also have loved ones who have bouts of severe depression. It’s heartbreaking because it makes you feel helpless as a mother. I pray he gets the help he needs and that you continue to do well.
I am so sorry you are going through this with your son. Depression is such a nasty disease, especially because of the perceived stigma that comes with it. Many schools have a mental health team that would be willing to work with your son. Perhaps he has a trusted professor that can intervene and help him? If he is no longer in school, please encourage him to seek help from a professional. Don't give up hope - you never know when he will surface enough to reach out for help. The National Institutes of Mental Health has a lot of information and resources for both him and you. As a parent, it is extremely hard to be on the sidelines watching and not be able to help. Please let him know that oftentimes depression truly is a physical disease that manifests itself psychologically. Currently there are great medications that can help him - so many of us here know because we have used them. Please let him know that it takes time to find the right medication and then for it to kick in. There is no need for him to struggle on a permanent basis! Depression is just as real as any "physical" disease. It is not a weakness to ask for help; quite the opposite, it shows great strength. Please keep us informed and do not be afraid to lean on us - so many of us have been there and/or are still there. Hopefully you can get him to gently open up so hat you can share all the information you learn. I will be praying for him!!
Thank you LauriAnne, He is seeing a psychiatrist once a week. It helps, but it's a day by day thing..Some times he doesn't come up from his rooms downstairs for a few days at a time.
Donna, a psychiatrist primarily dispenses medication and follows medication issues. Have you thought about adding a psychologist so that your son has someone to talk to in depth? One way to tell is by length of time - is he spending a full hour with the psychiatrist or just 15 minutes? A "talk therapist" will spend an hour at a time, if not more, helping your son talk through his depression. Most often the two work side-by-side.
Yes, he is seeing a psychologist ,he spends an hour each visit .He came up tonight for dinner and before going back down said he had to go and do some design work for someone, for a fee. That made me very happy, at least he is finally making an attempt at being active.
I am doing my best to be calm and try not to dwell on the future...physically I'm doing well, My chromogranin number is right where it should be.
Oh, Donna, I am so sorry you and your son are going through this. At least he is seeing a therapist and hopefully this will help him overcome his depression. There are medications that help, but it is finding the right one. Is he seeing a doctor as well? I know how my cancer affected my mother. You try to stay strong for yourself but especially for them. I hope he is still writing as that helps with getting his feelings out. I
will pray for your family but especially your son. Let him know how many of us are surviving and new treatments are happening every day. There is definitely hope and that is what he needs when it comes to you. I am also stage 4 and have been in remission for 2 years. It is possible.
Judy, yes I am doing my best to stay "up" for him. He was writing a book for his thesis for his Masters, but that is at a standstill for now. Hoping he will get back to it one day.
Donna...please don’t apologize for your “rant”. That’s what we’re all here for. Other people in our same situations that can relate. There’s nothing worse than feeling helpless when it comes to our kids lives...no matter how old they are. I have a 26 year old son (I’m 48) and he has 2 sons with 1 more on the way. I too live far from my son as he lives in Arkansas. It’s tough when we can’t be there to watch out for them and to see what’s going on with them in a daily basis. The one thing I know for sure is that you have to take care of yourself too because if you are ill and end up in the hospital or God forbid something worse...your son won’t have his mom and that will for sure make his depression worse. Here’s what I would do. Make sure he knows that he can come to you with anything. Be an open door. Make sure he has the right therapist and is getting all the treatment he needs. Also make sure he knows that anxiety and depression are nothing to be ashamed of. They are afterall, medical conditions, just like tonsillitis or kidney stones...and they require medical treatment, therapy and sometimes medication. If he sticks to whatever plan the therapist has for him...he will find a way to have a happy and productive life. So what if he has to put his education on hold for a short time? He’s young and has plenty of time. He needs love and support and a therapist he’s comfortable with. He also needs to know his mom is taking care of herself.
I’m glad your cancer is in a stable place. Maybe it’s even good for you to put your cancer on the back burner for a little bit and give yourself a mental break from it. That doesn’t mean you stop taking care of yourself ...it just means it’s not in the forefront for the time being. I believe that positivity goes a LOOOONG way when we have a chronic illness and that the power of the mind (and a whole lotta prayer in my case) does as much if not more than all the chemicals we fill our bodies with to kill the cancer. I know this is going to sound cliche...but everything will be alright 😉. Feel free to vent and or rant whenever you want. I do it all the time.
I understand what your saying D. What your saying is true . He does a lot of research on what he's going through and we let him know that we understand it also.
You have the absolute right to rant, but let me interrupt you for just a second to say that you have to stop talking about your son's future in the past tense. Don't say that he "had" a bright future or "had" such promise. He still has those things ahead of him. While depression is a serious thing and needs to be treated / addressed, it helps to put things in perspective. Taking medical leave from school certainly isn't the worse thing in the world. There was a time, you probably worried about him not being able to cross the street safely, but he did. Or maybe you worried he wouldn't get through some crisis in high school, but he made it through. You said he's a smart kid, so you did all the right things as a mother. He can cross the street on his own now I presume, and he'll probably publish a great novel someday, whether or not he does it in the university (he'll likely do his best writing long after college anyway). Please don't mourn his future as you wouldn't want him to mourn yours. I am saying these things also as a mother with stage 4 lung cancer but my son is younger (in middle school). I am not done "mothering" him as you're not either. But I have to remind myself that as I won't be here forever, I have to learn to be OK with whatever skill sets that I've managed to give him thus far and tell myself that he'll be OK. Support him, love him, but try to truly believe that he will be OK. That belief can only help him to open up to you. It might be unintentional, but you don't want him to feel your disappointment or to know that you're compromising your own health due to his depression.
You're in a safe space here now, so carry on and rant as needed, but do remember to take care of yourself so that both of you can be well.
Thila, thank you for your thoughts. We will always worry for our children . JP is a grown man now in his 30's.His pursuit of a career has lasted many years. I can only pray he finds peace and can do what he loves. Thank you all so very much!! I knew you would be able to make me see things in a better light. God bless you all!!❤️
My husband has depression/anxiety, and has suffered several severe episodes over the years. One clearly involved suicidal ideation. He is on his third or fourth drug regimen - some don't work for him, some have side effects that he finds intolerable. He has a talk counselor who is a great help. He was on the point of "graduating" and ending his counselor sessions when I was diagnosed. His counselor agreed to keep seeing him as part of his support network against the day when I may no longer be here for him. It's very painful to witness a loved one in such pain and to feel powerless.
Given time, medicine, and counseling, your son may will be able to resume his writing and his degree program. Twice my niece feel into a deep depressive episode in the last month of a spring semester and had to withdraw from college, losing a half year of work. She took a year off, found a better program, and did graduate! Now she's enrolled in an online grad program at the school of her choice, working on a masters in what she has really wanted to do all along. It's taking her more time to get there, but she's still with us and looking pretty happy these days.
I'm wishing your son and you well. He's fortunate to have a safe place with you as he recovers.
Praying for you and your husband. My husband is a Vietnam vet, had an agent-orange related cancer which was life threatening and developed depression which returned big time with my diagnosis. Fortunately, his cancer is in remission. So I also understand watching a loved one suffer. I told him we need to stop taking turn with cancer. In between our cancers, my mom had cancer as well. My dad died months after she finished her treatment and she moved in with us the year before I was diagnosed. So we all three took turns being caregivers. I was lucky I had two. My mom passed away last year and I was glad she knew I was in remission before she passed. I think the mental pain is worse than physical pain and I feel for all who suffer from this.
Ncpoet, As I read your reply, I try to remember other people have things they have to deal with that is just as bad or worse than my own. My Mom died just weeks before my diagnoses and just a month before I lost another son to illness, and before that yet another son passed over 30 years ago. So you can see how worried I am that my youngest has to struggle on a day to day bases.
You have certainly had your share of losses and I can definitely see how concerning your son’s depression is. I pray he will overcome this. He sounds like he is doing what he should by seeking help and realizing he didn’t need to struggle on his own. He sounds very intelligent and he needs you to see him through this. You hang in there and do what you can to keep surviving. If he sees this in you, it will help him to know any problem is survivable. Please know the people here do care and can provide a listening ear whenever you need it. God bless you.
Donna. I think the hardest thing in this life is to watch our children go through difficulties and not be able to make everything all right. I almost lost my younger daughter to a very serious suicide attempt. When I got the news, I was living 200 miles away and raced to her. When I got to the hospital, the doctors were not optimistic that she would make it, but a miracle occurred and she did make it without any effects from the overdose. She continues to have episodes of depression, but is under the watchful care of her physician and taking medication that seems to help. Fortunately, she is currently stable and in a job she enjoys with a loving partner. There is hope.
Please do not feel bad for venting here. We all have those times when things reach a boiling point. Venting to people who do not judge and often have been in similar situations is a healthy way to deal with it. We do not have cancer in a vacuum, we have families, friends, acquaintances and feel their pain as they may feel ours.
You and your son are in my thoughts and prayers. Jean
I am going through the same with my Dad. We are very close and watching him battle cancer has left me with deep depression. I don’t think anything can help, I just have to go through it.
Donna so sorry about your son. I haven't been a very good friend. I'll try to do better. My emphysema is bad. Hospice came for awhile then decided I wasn't dieing fast enough. I guess because my lungs decided to be stable. Now I have to get appointments with my Drs. I hope things work out with your son
Have a goodnight I'll be thinking of you. Love susie
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Missing my husband
