My dad has been place in hospice care ... - Lung Cancer Support

Lung Cancer Support

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My dad has been place in hospice care at home.

verolove profile image

I haven't been updating about my dad fight with lung cancer because he has been at the hospital for the past 3 weeks trying to recovered from his calcium levels being high. it has been a horrible 5 months but doctors just advice us that they can not do anything else for my dad. We were hoping that the first run of chemo had at least help him with his pain and diminished the tumor he has in the right hip and lower back. His cancer is so aggressive that he is no longer illegible for chemo as it almost killed him. His tumor on his hip has grow so big that he can;t no longer walk. It breaks my heart knowing that he wont get to see my son grow up and be around us. We were told that when place in hospice he will be asleep most of the time and if he has any complications we can not called 911. Has anything has any advice or experience when going through this? How long would this be for?

Today his bed was delivered and we are getting the house ready for him. We want his last days to be surrounded by love and care. He is coming home from the hospital today.

13 Replies

Sorry to hear that i know its hard i lost my dad to lung cancer. They told him he had six months mom kept him at home she was

Nurse. He lived six months it was about 25years ago. Hospice comes in and they stay until he passes. They are good people they will make.sure he's comfortable and out of pain. If you need to talk i'm here i had lung cancer stage 3 so i know where your coming from. Please know i care very much. Love susiejo1948

verolove profile image
verolove in reply to SusieJo1948

Yes it is hard because you don't know whats next or what can you do to make him feel better. we are happy that he is now home with us and not at the hospital anymore.

OrangeSki profile image
OrangeSki in reply to verolove

God bless you. I am stage 4 nsclc....I hope to have my last days pain free, with home hospice as you are doing with your dad. Just by loving him and being there for him, you have done an excellent job. Just by being understand.

Please know that every cancer patient is not so fortunate, so do not underestimate the love and care you have given.

I will not go into detail, but family understanding (about even being FATIGUED with my condition) is not forthcoming. I do not hear from my family often regarding my condition. So to you I say "GOOD JOB".

Big hugs,


I am so sorry my heart breaks for you. I will pray his pain can be relieved. I will pray for his and your family's comfort as y'all go through this. Surround him with your love.

Thank you!

So sorry there is nothing more to be done for the cancer. The main thing now is to keep him comfortable and as pain free as possible. Hospice will do all they can to help you with that. There is no set time frame. Hospice nurses usually can tell when time is getting very close.

Do what you can to surround him in love, talk to him, read, play music, hold his hand, put lotion on his skin. I remember the lotion from when my dad was dying. It is a memory that has stayed with me. It soothed his dry skin and I can close my eyes and feel how his skin was becoming soft. It is a tactile memory I treasure.

If he is awake, talk about the things you enjoyed doing together and especially the times you both laughed. Anything that helps him feel at peace, knowing you will be OK (even when you may not feel that way).

As for your son, talk to him and tell stories about his grandpa, show him pictures, tell him when you notice things they have in common. This will keep him alive for both of you. My husband’s father passed away when his grandchildren were 2 and 4. When we talk about family we always include something about him. They feel as though they knew their grandfather.

My uncle passed away before I was born. My mother was very close to him. She talked about things they did as children and how he was her protector. He, at a very young age, was killed in World War II. I never knew him but I also felt close to him through Mama’s stories. I know I would have loved him very much.

As for you, grieving is not easy and hospice can give you wonderful resources to help you particularly when it is fresh and so hard. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. We never get over losing our loved ones. My mom passed away last year. Grief doesn’t go away, but we can learn to live with it.

Now, my dear, don’t forget about keeping yourself healthy while this journey with your dad is going on.Try to sleep, don’t forget to eat, and know our parents want us to take care of ourselves so they won’t worry.

You are in my prayers,


verolove profile image
verolove in reply to Ncpoet

Thank you Judy. We are trying to do everything we can to keep him at peace.

My heart goes out to you. I have always felt that this journey is harder on loved ones than it is on the person with the cancer. Let your dad know you love him, don't be afraid to cry with him and do share those special times and experiences with him that were special to you. Above all, take care of yourself. I pray for you and your family.


verolove profile image
verolove in reply to JeanE41

Thank you.

Denzie profile image

We hospiced my mom at home also. We put a commode next to the bed for when she was able to use it. Put a piece of linoleum between the bed and under the commode in the event of accidents while transferring him.

Showers are especially tiring and dangerous as he will have trouble getting his foot lifted over the lip of the shower or tub edge. Hospice will arrange for someone to help with showering, in the meantime you can help by learning how to give a good sponge bath.

Let him eat anything he wants. At this point the calories are more important than a balanced diet. My mom’s last meal was Thin Mint Girl Scout Cookies. She refused everything else.

If he is still able to help dress himself give him things he can put on easily. When my mom could no longer help we cut some of her shirts and pjs up the back so we could put them on by sliding them up her arms. Use a gait belt to help with balance when walking.

There should be occupational therapy to help him maintain strength in the muscles he will need to help with his care. They will teach him strategies to help maintain his safety as he moves or is moved.

Use pads to protect the sheets. Have the nurse teach you how to roll him so you can change the pad when they are not around. Biotene mouthwash on mouth sponges will help with clearing gunk from his mouth. Also those little sponges are great when he can’t manage to swallow water from a cup or straw.

As things progress he will sleep more and eat less. As the cancer spreads to other organs it will deny other parts of the body the oxygen it needs causing oxygen starvation in the extremities. This is an extremely painful state and morphine will be a tremendous help. To cope with it, the brain takes the patient to a state that seems like he’s between this world and a dream world. We were told that in this state the brain is helping to protect itself from pain. We found that playing music from her early adulthood calmed her tremendously. Also at this point she went to having a pain med bolus placed in order to supplement the morphine she received.

Eventually the brain will shut down other organs in an effort to protect the oxygen supply for itself. Breathing becomes more irregular.

There is no way to know how long this decline will take. Guard your own health and get rest when you can. Those people who called or wrote and said let me know if you need something? CALL THEM. Maybe put a close friend in charge. Ask them to come do laundry, vacuum, dust, shop, cook, shovel the driveway. Ask them to sit with dad while you nap, shower or get away for an hour or two.

Bless you. This is an extremely tough but rewarding job. You will experience more ptsd like events but this thing that you are doing is THE most loving act any child can do for a parent.

verolove profile image
verolove in reply to Denzie

Denise thank you for your advice. I will start putting music on his room so he can feel more relax. I did not think of that but thats a great idea.

What your family is doing for your father is so loving. Wishing him comfort and a soft landing.

Thank you! he has been a wonderful dad and there's anything that we woulnd do for him.

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