Perpetual exhaustion/fog continue to affect my entire life

[zheshi14]

When I was 16 (23 now), I noticed one morning I was a little tired for some reason. I have been perpetually fatigued ever since then. Not even a second of feeling well again. I've gradually gotten tireder and tireder over the course of the past 7-8 years, to the point where I'm at now where I can hardly function because the exhaustion/fogginess and resulting symptoms have become so debilitating. So basically, my life revolves around me being exhausted, something that is very difficult to ignore/skate around.

*Many of the symptoms below have been here since the fatigue/fogginess started, BUT have very gradually gotten worse and worse as time goes by.

SYMPTOMS:

· Chronic fatigue/fogginess 24/7. Used to be more of a mental fatigue/burned out feeling rather than a sleepy feeling, but has gradually escalated to both.

· Non-restorative sleep. I'll wake up to pee in the middle of the night and don't even feel like I'm in real life I'm so out of it. Can barely walk straight correctly to the bathroom. I tend to feel a teeny bit better if I can get 9+ hours of sleep though.

· Energy bursts are now non-existent.

· Disassociation feeling that has gradually emerged

· Drugged/drunk-like type feeling 24/7, especially as day progresses. Like I'm not quite in real life. Never fully feel "there"

· Cognitive decline/impairment (Concentration, alertness, memory, focus, processing/recalling/stumbling over words and sentences, confusion, etc.)

· Motor skills/coordination decline

· Lightheaded upon standing often

· Low arousal (jump scares, loud noises, etc have gradually affected me less and less as time has gone by).

· Feel anxious/stressed/overwhelmed more easily.

· Everything feels like a chore, like an ordeal I get to check off. Even if it is something extremely minor or something fun.

· Decision making is poor, even for relatively minor things.

· Hypersomnia (Usually fall asleep very easily, rarely have insomnia)

· Eye floaters + Light sensitivity (seem more sensitive to bright light/sunlight)

· Numbness all over body. Tough to explain, but extremities/body parts feel so utterly exhausted and numb-like to the touch. Like I can feel my arm getting touched by my hand, but can’t feel my hand touching my arm.

· Senses feel dulled. Hearing, taste, smell, touch, all feel weakened and suppressed.

· Libido low. Orgasm feels much less intense.

· Alcohol usually hits me much harder now. As a result, I feel intoxicated more easily/quickly. Sometimes 1 beer and I'm already feeling drunk.

· Slow now both mentally and physically.

· Head almost always feels very tired and heavy, but I don't get headaches that often.

· Anhedonia and apathy as I’ve gotten tireder and tireder. I have gradually become indifferent to most things. I literally come across as an emotionless zombie now because I am so damn exhausted 24/7. Almost nothing phases or interests me anymore. I am emotionally flat lined.

· Perfectionist/high standards kind of person. High IQ, high expectations for myself. I also tend to internalize often.

· All of these symptoms seem to flare up more when I’m sick, stressed, get less sleep, etc.

· Never really have had any hobbies or passions as a result of losing interest quickly and being too tired/unable to focus.

· Stuff constantly coming to me to look up/check/remember/do, etc.

· For the longest time, used anxiety/worry/fear/forgetting things/ to cope and get stuff done

· Never been good with just falling asleep/napping like others

· Feel like I need lots of sleep to “recover”.

ADDITIONAL INFO:

I've had virtually any and all medical tests done, everything comes back perfect. Tried so so many different types of medications, supplements, and nootropics. Diet changes, exercise changes, etc.

Overall, it feels like I was hit by a truck. From the moment I wake up to the moment I pass out from sheer exhaustion at night. Everything feels like it's suppressed by this fog that has gradually gotten worse and worse over time. For example, caffeine’s effect, sex drive, post-workout adrenaline and endorphins, getting plenty of sleep, etc. I can sort of FEEL all these things for the most part, but it feels hidden and pushed down from this utter exhaustion. It’s like nothing can surpass the fatigue and fog. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm living my life from the backseat and am just going through the day mindlessly. And the thing that sucks is that I want to do things and live life, and am still pretty optimistic, but I'm just too out of it, it's embarrassing. I come across like an intoxicated zombie, especially at night.

To wrap up, realistically I think it is the result of a cumulative combination of:

1. Generalized anxiety that maybe I didn’t/don’t realize is anxiety. Maybe a bit of a de-realization + “accustomness” in feeling like this for so long. I’ve always felt my anxiety was more about behavioral responses and wearing myself out.

2. Undiagnosed ADD possibly (just recently started Adderall which seems to help a tiny bit).

3. Personality characteristics that definitely don’t help (Type A personality, perfectionist tendencies, high achiever/expectations, strong moral compass, tend to worry more than I should, too hard on myself, overwhelmed/stressed, etc.)

4. Possibly a bit of depression as a result of how much this has impacted my life. Relationships fading cause I couldn’t function. Hobbies/interests lacking due to fatigue as well as having to spend all day having to use coping mechanisms to make up for my symptoms, etc.

I just find it hard to believe that anxiety, especially since I don't really even feel like I'm anxious, can lead to this severe of symptoms. Additionally, no one I've personally known/people I've come across that have dealt with anxiety/mental health issues have said that chronic fatigue/fogginess like I describe was an issue for them, even with me directly asking them. Some of them said they had/have episodic fatigue but it's never perpetual, 24/7. But even when I feel I have addressed the aforementioned issues to a tee, I still feel awful, which keeps me coming back to maybe it's a physical issue.

Thoughts? Advice?

[hypercat54]

Hi are you on any meds for anxiety/depression? Have you done any counselling? x

[zheshi14 in reply to hypercat54]

Not currently. I’ve tried 4 different SSRIs over the years. Gave them plenty of time to start working, upped the dosages, etc. Didn’t help at all. If anything, they actually made me slightly MORE sleepy/foggy.

I’ve also met with a couple different therapists over the years. Never went to them long term, but they were able to give me some generalized anxiety behavior techniques/responses. They did make me feel more relaxed and calm, but still did nothing for the underlying exhaustion/fog unfortunately...

[hypercat54 in reply to zheshi14]

Well there are many different types of meds for anxiety and/or depression so it could be worthwhile persevering. I had to try 2 others before I ended up on sertraline which works well for me. Also you have to give it 6 weeks or so until a new med or an increase has fully kicked in and it is common to feel worse until they do.

As for counselling again there are many diffferent types so don't give up with this either. It sounds like you have only had CBT, but like I said there are lots of different types which might suit you better. Counselling does help a lot of people but not everyone but it is often not a short term solution. If you have issues you can trace any mental health problems to then it can take years.

What exactly have you been diagnosed with? (if anything). And did anything happen at 16? There is hope out there so keep trying. x

[zheshi14 in reply to hypercat54]

I gave each medication 10+ weeks to start working, which is more than enough. I’m really trying to avoid going back down the medication route for now, mostly due to ineffectiveness. My doctor did tell me something along the lines of if after 3-4 medications, I still don’t notice any change, it could be due to medication non-responsiveness and none would work.

Like I said, therapy did help. It made me feel calmer, but did nothing for the physical tiredness/fogginess.

I have not been diagnosed with anything by any doctor.

[GarG81]

Believe it or not, a lot of these symptoms are consistent with a chronic yeast infection in the gut... might be worth checking out! A very hard thing to get rid of but definitely worthwhile checking out!

[Hidden]

Hi,

You've given a very thorough description, which echoes many of the symptoms I had and which were ear marked as depression/anxiety. In the end I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, brain fog is a key symptom. However, so is pain which you don't seem to have. I also have CFS and fatigue is my biggest problem.

I note replies referring to the cure all antidepressants. In my case a lot of problems stemmed from them, whilst they helped nothing. As for counselling well forget it on the NHS and if you go privately they care more about the weekly income than really helping, from my experience.

Treatment for FM and CFS is very slow and requires a life change where perfectionism will lead to a flare (as simple as that). The road to healing is filled with ups and downs. Think one step forward two steps back. I would check it out and hopefully you will heal quicker due to your age.

Best wishes

[zheshi14 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for the response and sorry to hear you’re going through something similar.

I am very hesitant to start another antidepressant as I have had no luck with them in the past. I have tried four altogether, all of which led to increased tiredness....

[Hidden]

I wasn't suggesting them.