Racing Thoughts

[1LoveBucket]

I have zero family support and my friends have no idea what I’m going through. They are really associates and they have problems of their own and I don’t want to bring them down. I’m a product of child abuse all forms of abuse. I have drank a lot lately and it wasn’t helping me. It was only hurting me. I can’t afford therapy and it is very hard for me to sleep at night. I have four jobs and I am going to nursing school. I’m raising two teenagers on my own. I meditate, work out, journal, draw, listen to music, read everything I can think of to love myself emotionally. I can’t sleep at night. I don’t know what else to do so I thought I would try these online support groups. If anyone has ANY suggestions on how I can love myself emotionally other than what I’m already doing or knows someone I can talk to for free about it that can help. Please reply.

[Hidden]

Hi 1LoveBucket:

Without having family support it is very difficult. Hang in there. Especially when there is a lack of information as to understanding on the specifications on what you feel. I understand you completely. I try to explain to others and at times I go through the exact thing you are going through. I have tried to explain to my family and even my wife. In return all I get is them turning and thinking how they can help themselves to keep out of my problems. Mostly do to how deep the issues are. It is completely frustrating and I feel caught not in the middle but rather at a dead end. The emotional abuse I get at times doesn’t help me either.

You do have a lot on your plate simultaneously as you are going through this emotional state. Since you are able to do so much at once it already shows strength upon you. 👍🏻

First off remember you have two teenagers who care for you and should understand what you are going through. Be there for you when you need support. As to be willing to listen.

Much of what you do are great ways to get around such emotions.

You also said you have friends who are associates and you don’t want to bring them down. I feel the part of you saying you don’t want to bring them down is telling me you are seeing them as a possibility of the direction you need to go but doubt is in your way.

Doubt is one of the main feelings which bring us down and holds us back. Just like a barrier. We need to build our confidence and positive energy from within and get through the barrier and start making progress. In order to make progress it must always start from within. When having a lack of love for oneself the positive energy in us fades away deeper and the more down we feel. Yet it is still very much there and ready to be accessed and used to go forward at all time. So don’t doubt yourself and talk to anyone you feel comfortable to talk to.

When emotions get in such a state as you are currently going through has anyone ever came up to you from your associates or out of nowhere and asked you if you are ok? I have always found those people as a starting point to success on getting over everything which I have been through. Or in another way someone from above is watching over me and trying to get me in the right direction I need to go. All I needed to do was accept their assistance then things became much brighter and I saw hope.

There are plenty of groups in the community which can assist you. Go to local churches and see what they have to offer. You will find an answer to your troubles. The answer is out there. 😊

[1LoveBucket in reply to Hidden]

Wow thank you so much for your heartfelt reply.... I felt like you really understood what I said and feel my pain. Emotional abuse really sucks. Maybe you shouldn’t stay in a situation where you are being emotionally abused it probably doesn’t help you at all and only worsens your feelings. It surprised me when you asked if someone has asked if I’m okay... yes... yes.... many many many of my co workers. I don’t think they are asking to have me unload of them my problems. I think they just want me to say,”yea great! How are you?” And then they can tell me about there stuff. Because they definitely have stuff they tell me about. I just listen and try to give the best advice. The problem with me is I can’t talk about my issues without breaking down and bawling. It freaks people out. They don’t know how to deal. So I don’t share. I cry alone. Another thing I am dealing with is I fell very much in love with a man. I’m in love with him still. But we are not together. We don’t even speak. I talked to him 3 months ago. We are friends I guess. I don’t really know. Friends are there for each other and we never speak. So I’m trying to let go of him as well. Dating other guys doesn’t help. I have tried and I just go home and cry for hours. Because they are not him. So I finally came to the conclusion that I need more help than I can give me. I have never had trouble getting over a guy. But it’s been over half a year for this one... and I still haven’t scratched the surface. I just try and breathe through the pain. I try and make sure I do something really fun with my kiddos every Sunday like hiking or a movie or game night. And each evening I try and spend a little time with both of them. They are teenagers they know how to cook and clean etc... I taught them. They understand that Nursing school is vital right now and I will give back to them double once I graduate and the reason I’m doing this is for them. Thanks again Brainstorm and please don’t stop writing me. Just knowing someone hears and understands me. Is such a blessing. I hear and understand you and you officially have a friend for life😇

[Hidden in reply to 1LoveBucket]

Yes, I can really understand and feel what you are going through. I now see a better understanding on your part with your co workers. They just ask how you are doing to bring an introduction on how they are doing then they continue there part of how they have been. I see how it is. It isn’t normal for such people to react that way. If I was one of them I would of noticed in a heart beat your emotional state. I would of felt your negative energy and it escalating each day. For sure I would expect you to break down to let it all out. Take you to a place where it is just you and I and tell me as to get all out of your system and bring relief to you from listening and helping you out. I want peace among others and do what I can to find it or bring it to them.

The emotional abuse I have been going through I have gotten through. It has been going on for a while. I went to a quiet place, meditated and even prayed. During the process I had to go very deep upon myself to find the positivity which has been deeply placed inside me. When it was found it felt like finding treasure from within. Since then it has been very difficult for others to put me down. They don’t like it at all and I am proud to say they surely back off when realizing the change which I have become. In addition it is very difficult to get me upset also. I now understand that perfection in life will not always come my way. I have realized that and have accepted it. With such I have found more peace.

This individual you you have fallen in love with is there a reason you haven’t spoken to them for 90 days? As to letting him go? You don’t need to answer these if you are uncomfortable to do so. I have always respected people’s privacy. You surely have feelings for him and he has taken over your heart it sounds. I also feel you don’t want to let go. Maybe you should try to contact him again and see how things go. It never hurts. Plus it can release your pain within. Especially on how you see and feel about him.

You surely have a great system with your kids. For sure they enjoy every moment. Wow. Your an amazing parent. 👍🏻. You have taught then skills which is needed in much of life and is healthy. Great work. Another thumbs up to you 👍🏻. You are well focused and know what you are doing as to the reason of nursing school. Makes me proud to know such people as yourself are going in that direction. You are a special one indeed. Keep it up.

Remember think and look in a positive direction. I already see and feel it upon you. 😊😇

[1LoveBucket in reply to Hidden]

I PM'd you I hope that's okay

[Starrlight]

You are doing things right I don’t know what to say but wanted you to know you aren’t alone.

[1LoveBucket in reply to Starrlight]

I PM'd you I hope that's okay

[Miniwheats]

Hi 1LoveBucket. All I can say is wow, you are going through alot and I admire the heck out of you for your strength! I'm wondering if any of your workplaces has an employee assistance program where you can talk to a counselor free of charge? Have you tried support groups in your area for individuals who have suffered abuse, or who struggle with alcohol misuse? How about the school where you are studying nursing? Do they have some student support in the form of counseling? I don't know if you might feel brave enough to approach the Dean/Administrator of your school and ask for assistance? Your circumstances are quite extraordinary and I'm sure he or she would go out of their way to assist you. I know I would try very hard to help if I were the Dean and you were my student 🙂

[1LoveBucket in reply to Miniwheats]

Awwe thanks☺️ Now that I think about it they do have some type of counseling but I don’t know if it’s free or not. I guess I could find out. I’m brave but I don’t know if I’m brave enough to ask the Dean or really even go to my school and ask anything. I’m a very private person. Suffer in silence type. Even though I know that’s unhealthy. If it gets really bad then I will. It took a shit ton just for me to get on here and say what I said.