So I’m watching it and I feel sick in my heart. It’s about a boy who gets hooked on drugs. His father really gets in deep to try to help him, free him from grasp of the drugs. I’m really triggered. It reminds me of everyday one after another I go along my little way and I don’t know how I should see life because there are so many ways to view it. Well I’m tired of all of my views that I have access to. There must be a way to be free free like a bird is what I want. And the kiddos will be free with me in our world. This is a silly dream I know wasting time in the sky but that’s just it... I don’t want to feel so much pain anymore. I’m tired of fighting fighting fighting failing wishing dreaming getting lost and loosing dreams.
I don’t know who I am or what I’m going to do. Things in my mind get out of control a bit. It’s scary.
So I just try focusing on my children and add hobbies so I take cate of my me too so I don’t die inside. My kids are perfect to me but to me I’m the opposite of perfect. I cry out the hurt and heal. I help them cry it out and heal. I guess that’s it. Life. I really want a better life or is it that wherever I go there I am?
I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I feel I’m doing okay to the best of my ability but I’m suffering immensely.
Does anyone have any insights or ideas for me (although the thought of you sharing it with me is scary but hey I deserve the truth) right?