I am new here, a 26 year old female, and have had anxiety in some form or another for most of my life. I also have OCD and my main issue: health anxiety. Unlike lots of people with health anxiety, I am utterly terrified of doctors and can’t seek help. In my head, seeing the doctor is just a way to find out how long I have left - I am convinced they will tell me I am dying. I am terrified of the process of dying and not being able to lead a normal life - go to work, see friends, just normal day to day stuff.
In the past, my main fear has been that I have a brain tumour. This fear has plagued me, on and off, for over a decade. At times I have been unable to eat, sleep, leave the house. I even wrote goodbye letters to loved ones.
Anyway, my latest fear which is consuming my every waking thought, and has done for the past fortnight, is that I have skin cancer. I have an atypical mole on my back and have done for at least a decade. I remember panicking the first time I found it. I have managed to convince myself it has changed. It has spread throughout my body and I haven’t got long left. I know the only person who can prove/disprove this is a doctor but I am SO SCARED. I have lost my appetite and am doing nothing but trying to make the hours of everyday pass so that I can go back to bed. When I am asleep, is the only time I have any relief from this torment.
I am going to see a counsellor next week but it feels as though it is taking forever for the appointment to come round.
I know no one can tell me for sure that I do/don’t have cancer. But if anyone has any positive stories or anything to reassure, I would be eternally grateful.