I cant

[Starrlight]

Can’t can be a bad word but right now it is reality. I can’t take this anymore. I can’t feel good about myself right now. And I can’t pull myself up right now. I dream of death. Im screaming inside. I can’t help my true emotions of frustration and anger sadness and fear. My mind has focused life having gotten to be too much. It’s way to much with past demons and taunting ghosts. Things were getting better for me and the skies were clear like my mind and yet when I blink suddenly I’m down here deep in darkness not seeing my way. I feel so sick, feel a failure, feel worthless. I wish there was a sort of sign sent from God to say hey it’s going to all work out beautifully. I wish an angel would come watch over me until I felt safe. My heart hurts too much. I don’t know how to heal. How do we heal?

[Hidden]

Hello Starrlight

I am so sorry you are feeling this way I truly am , I thought you were picking up a little yesterday and was hoping it would continue and it will eventually I now it will even though when we are in the mist of a bad tie we can't always see it but maybe trust others when you feel this way and know we are with you

I am not sure I believe in God and I don't encourage to much about it on here and I know you know the reasons why which wrong or right I have seen first hand the fuss but we can still say what we believe in to an extent and like I said I am somewhere in the middle but what I would say if there is a God and I know you say you are waiting for him to give you a sign but do you think he maybe working through other people that are here talking to you ?

How come we all find this place and make friends , get support and understanding is it coincidence or could it be a God working through others and are we missing it and choosing not to listen , it is a thought worth thinking about don't you think or is that just me

How can you say you are useless , you are so talented , a lovely Mum to those children of yours , you are a breath of fresh air with your personality and the way you come across , you are not useless your anxiety wants you to think that but maybe trust us instead when we say you are not

We all have a past and I imagine even though I can only speak for myself it comes back to haunt us , again I think that is when anxiety is trying to stay in control when it taps us and says , Now remember when ..... but we have to shut the lid quick and leave it where it is in the past , we cannot change the past if only but we can change the future

If you are really struggling with the past have you ever tried writing a letter about it

If someone has hurt you in the past for example you could sit down and write a letter to them , tell them what they did , how it made you feel etc but tell them they no longer have the power and you will not allow them to make you feel this way anymore , when you have written it ( which can cause a lot of emotions to come out ) take it outside , burn it and burn those memories with it

If it is not a person but a situation use the same method , worth a go I know it has helped me

Sometimes we have to go through these emotions to heal and yes it hurts , they say no pain no gain and it can be better to feel the pain and get through it than try and bury the feelings and maybe stop trying so hard by fighting it but allow yourself to cry and feel hurt knowing that you will come through this and it is normal to feel this way

Things will get better again trust me they will , please do not talk about not wanting to be here and death , there is only one you , I believe you are on this earth for a reason , one important reason is you are a wonderful Mum to those Children , you only ever have one Mum , you are theirs and to them you are perfect and no one could replace you so you have a very important role on this earth to be there when they need a cuddle , wipe their tears , do all the lovely things you do with them like skateboarding and painting , you don't always have to get everything right been a Mum does not come with instructions so we make mistakes sometimes but one mistake we cannot make is the love we have for them and Children flourish on the love a good Mum gives so you need to be here you have a very important job to do

Keep talking if you feel it helps and slowly you will come through the other side of this , if you feel you really are not coping , is their a Doctor or someone you can talk to ? meds maybe ?

Take Care x

[Dorsey in reply to Hidden]

Very well said lulu you are amazing. 😚

[Hidden in reply to Dorsey]

Thank You x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yeah, nicely said..

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Hidden and nice to meet you x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Nice to meet you too..

[_amabelizzario]

I think lulu said it all in the best way possible. I just want add that I'm greateful for you, your words already helped me more than once. I hope you feel better soon

Xo

[Hidden]

Lulu said everything perfectly. You are a beautiful caring soul x

[Hidden]

By staying hopeful. God’s holy Angel is around you. I think we have to learn to tell the Lord God how we feel. Lord God I feel at my wits end, I feel like I can’t take this anymore, you are God, I come to you with all I am, if you do not do it Lord it will not get done, for your name sake God, do this for me, you promised to heal me, you promised to deliver me, for your name sake Lord God do this for me. Healing is your children’s bread. If I ask believing it will be done for me. In all my pain Lord God, with fear, trying to force its way into my life, I cry out to you, believing despite what I see that you are still a healer.

[Hidden]

Also as far as not forgiving ourselves keep repeating unpleasant scenes in your mind. I think Job and David in the Bible did it best, do not fight the inclination to feel bad about yourself but do not accept it. “Oh wretched woman that I am who shall deliver me from this body of death.” Thanks be to the Lord Jesus I am delivered. “I hate the womb that bore me and the breast that gave me sup”. I am assuming here Starrlight that you are mature enough in spiritual things to handle these scriptures. But you need a way to deal with these thoughts! Cry out to God, cry out Starrlight. Pray psalm 86 as a prayer every day. See if it helps. Hoping for the best for you.

[MariaLove123]

Star! I love you what’s going on? I’m sorry you’re having a tough time.

[Florida1959]

Good morning, I am so sorry you are feeling like this today, look fir the signs, I too am not sure about God, but look for other signs, a word, a song, a feather, a penny on the floor, you are super talented, and a lovely person, you have made a difference to me, you really have, I believe we all have an angel watching over us, but sometimes you have to ask fir help, signs etc, xxx

[Florida1959]

Ps love ya x

[Starrlight]

You are all very beautiful and show so much love. I am grateful for each of you.I don’t have many words right now. It helps to know I can come here and be supported. Love you guys.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

So pleased to see you have come on and said hello

Totally understand you do not feel like talking to much but when and if you do you can see the love and support you have so hope you know we will be here for you

Take Care x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

💕 (((((((Lulu))))))) 💕

[Starrlight in reply to Starrlight]

Lulu you really put your heart into helping people and you make such a difference and you are so appreciated!!!

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Thank you Starrlight , I just say what I see and think that's all but nice if it helps someone

How is your day going ?

You don't have to answer but wanted to let you know we are thinking about you x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I’m feeling better than before and trying to be good to myself. I will post a fun picture soon for you all to enjoy...

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Any little improvement Starrlight is great so you keep hold of that and don't try and force yourself to go any faster than your mind and body can cope with

O fun pic that will be nice , I could post one of me first thing in a morning but that would be more like something out of a horror movie x

[Florida1959]

Small baby steps darling xxxx

[Starrlight in reply to Florida1959]

Yes baby steps is right! I was just thinking too much and doing too much I guess so I started plummeting down. I’m so tired and scared of it. Taking it minute by minute.

[Florida1959 in reply to Starrlight]

I do it hour by hour xxx