Need to get over this bump which seems like a mountain that I would rather die on than make it up only to have to climb back down

[Starrlight]

I’m extremely tired of living with so much struggle. I’m up on this mountain and am not ready to climb back down. I am tired of people in my life wanting wanting wanting. I’m tired tired tired. I’m angry and irritable. I don’t need judgement now; I need support. I want to just say forget it all, all that I do. What if I just stopped? Doing it all? What if I died? Today. I feel terrible about myself. I feel like sh*€! I’m always looking after everyone I realize as I step back. I’m depressed and with racing disturbing thoughts. Whose going to be there for me? I can’t even talk to my family about this, I just can’t right now. So instead I share here and some things that can help me to remember now are:

After every difficulty comes ease.

It helps to recall that many things can seem worse than they actually are because of the illnesses I have. They will look better again it just takes time.

My heart is still loving even though I am angry and in pain.

I can look pretty not monsterous as I see myself now.

I can accomplish, I just need a break.

I take good care of my family to the very best of my ability.

I’m growing, I’m learning, I’m healing.

I am thankful to have people on here who truly care and take the time to try to help.

[Hidden]

You must take care of yourself in order to take care of others. Just maybe the people in your life think you like what you do and so they let you. You do not need to talk to them about it just begin to delegate some tasks. Do not apologize for feeling the way you do, just ask God to help you, and remember to begin to delegate. Peace, and hugs Starrlight!

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Funny I did end up asking for certain tasks to be done by them so I can rest without guilt. Peace and hugs!

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

Girl, I tracked your post over to here. I don't even frequent this community. I tell you this though. I've never even seen you face to face, yet I love everything about you . If I were personally in your life, I would take a bullet for you or jump in front of a speeding bus to save you. I wouldn't even hesitate. Does that sound like someone who is not loved or cared for? The only thing I've ever asked from you is that you be well & happy. It's the only thing I will ever ask. You took me under your bright, shining wings when I first came here. I could feel your decency and love from the very beginning. You care. You made me feel welcome and you allowed me to care. I have incredibly strong shoulders for my close friends. For my BFF, I would carry a mountain. You know where I am, you know how to talk to me. There isn't a damn thing you can't talk to me about! I will listen to anything you have to say. Any time of the day or night....Once more: I will do anything necessary to keep my bright shing star happy, satisfied and glowing brightly!!!!!

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

Thanks for caring so. I appriciate you. I’m so depressed and I know I will come out of it and be exceptionally up at times. That’s the ways it goes. I guess I’m just tired of it ya know?

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

What can I do? Name it! I'll write 10 beautiful poems if it will help. If there's anything I can do please ask right away. I want my beatiful Starlight to shine forever!

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

That’s so awesome JEG. I wish I could thing of something that would help. Actually you just being here is help. (((((Hug))))) 🌟

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

Love you, my best friend. I will always be here just for you. Just for the brightest light that shines under the heavens!

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

YOU are the btight shining one!

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

Not even close. You brought me here and it's your light I work under. I aspire to be half the person you are. If I was, I'd be doing twice as good as I am. 10 kazillion loving vibes with an extra kazillion loving hugs. I sent you my guardian angel too. You need him more. He said he's got you covered. So, do

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

Ha now I have two guardian angels? No wonder I’m doing better now.,

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

He told me I should have added the word I to the end of my previous message. I told him to hush and go back to watching you. He said he was delighted to because you're such a wonderful person. We both agreed on that!

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

Hahaha!!!!! You crack me up! Your mind is creative. Love it! And thank your angel and yourself for the compliment.

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

You got it and your welcome!

[MariaLove123]

Star, you are such an amazing writer! Every post inspires me. About “always being there for other people” is something I’m hearing a lot lately and not just on here. It becomes overwhelming keeping up with helping everyone, it causes stress and it’s not fair to you. I’ve noticed you are always putting others first and trying to help everyone. But hunny, you need to let us help you now! I think you heard that I like to write too. And I wrote this down today and after I read it, I was like, wow this is so true.

Anxiety and depression stem from one or more of the following: environmental issues, work environment issues, relationships, financial issues, the weather and living in the past! Once we figure out the culprit, we can make that change. Obviously not overnight and it could take time, but knowing what it IS and knowing it will change, is good because there IS an end in sight. We have it embedded in our heads that this will never go away and we’re going to feel like this till we die. So, maybe if we pay close attention to what it is in our lives that is making us feel this way, we can feel hope for the future. And yes, many of us say we can’t make that change because of whatever reason, but we have to!! There is no other option. There’s nothing more important than making that change and doing whatever we can to be better. I’m always here for you! Thanks for sharing XO 😘

[Starrlight in reply to MariaLove123]

It seems no matter what is going on in life that I become very up and then crash down hard. It’s bipolar. I struggle just getting through a day so to think about making awesome life changes well doesn’t seem plausible right now. Thanks MariaLove (((((((Hug))))))

[MariaLove123 in reply to Starrlight]

I understand

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

Then think about this: There's ton of people on the ADAA site that love you and swear by you. You brought me into this fold and I swear by you also. But many people have expressed how much they love you when I just mention your name in passing. Jesus once said, 'If you have faith the size of mustard seed and you command a mountain to move, I tell you it will move!' (paraphrased). I have faith in you the size of the entire mountain! I know you can make it! I will be with you every step of the way. The only thing that will glow brighter than your light, is the amount of love I will cover your pain with!! 'Luv you, my BFF!!!!!!

[Starrlight in reply to JEG325]

❤️ my mountain is yet to move hahaha oh well it will in time

[JEG325 in reply to Starrlight]

I'll carry it on my back if I have to, beautiful best friend of mine.

[JEG325 in reply to MariaLove123]

You rock, girl! Anyone who tries to help my BFF is special in my book!! An extra kazillion hugs for being such a good person. You both mean the world to me!

[MariaLove123 in reply to JEG325]

Awww thanks JEG!

[newbie1956]

Your chosen name alone, Starrlight, has made you special. Who doesn't appreciate stars and light!? We have learned a lot from you. About bi-polar. your childhood, and raw talent. Take a break from the mountain. Breath and recall how you've described yourself. Pretty. No monster. It's a brain gone wild. You also know it won't be perfect (no one can claim perfection) but it will be better. Good or better, enough... You'll be able to say, " I'm here" ...Hopefully tomorrow. We're counting the stars with you in mind tonight. Agape

[Starrlight in reply to newbie1956]

You are just so beautiful. (((((((((((Hug)))))))))

[Starrlight]

Elliott I am so thankful for you. You have written some words that remind me of what my mom used to tell me and it’s comforting ( that I am amazing and that everything will be alright). Now my mom is halfway gone with Alzheimer’s disease. How are you doing? Hope all is well.

[aaronm]

Everybody else covered everything in all their support. There isn't much left for me to say but I'm very sorry your feeling down. Your an inspiration for me!

[Starrlight in reply to aaronm]

That means a lot. I feel like all of us here are inspirations and each holds different peices to the whole of connectedness support love hope. Thanks my friend!

[Starrlight]

I hear ya! ❤️

[pink318]

Hi Starrlight,

How are you today? As a mom, self-care is so important so we can be effective in taking care of our family. When the mom is tired, everyone in the house is affected. When I get cranky, my son would always tell me, “Mom you need to take a nap.”

I hope you can find time to relax in spite of your busy schedules. I’m sorry to hear about your mom.

I pray for peace as you go through this journey and things will get better for you. Please stay strong. God bless.

[Starrlight]

Pink, thank you sooo! I feel overwhelmed and I’m needing to read and it’s important and I can’t even get myself to sit and calm down for a bit in order to read.

You are so right! Everyone in the house feels it when the mom is off or needs a nap 😉

[Hidden]

Hope you are feeling a little better than when you wrote this post Starrlight

Look at all the love and support you have had , that must tell you something about yourself as a person , I can't see any other post as supported and some none at all so know you are cared about and people believe in you

Take Care x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Aww I do feel the love and the support here. 😃 I thought up a project that I got really into and it helped my spirits. Now that I’ve finished I feel depressed and can’t think of a bother good project. I am trying to read so I can help my kiddo by discussing it afterwards but I cannot seem to concentrate. But let’s see I’m laying with my dog now and I will try again tomorrow. Thank you everyone for stopping to say a word; I appriciate each of you.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

You are full of talents , I have no question you will think of something else to lift you up and in the meantime it is sometimes ok to feel low , if we never felt low we would never recognise the highs

Hope you have a peaceful evening x

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

❤️ (((((((((Lulu))))))) ❤️

[Hidden]

Thank you for sharing! You are an incredible writer, I hope you are doing better Xxx

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Oh thank you so! I am better today.

[JkBrauer]

Hi, Starlight,

I hope you are feeling better and have had a chance to take a break. I understand burnout. I have been there too! The few things I have learned that might help you is 1). Always, make time to take time for yourself or you will eventually go crazy! 2). If you cannot take care of yourself, you will have a hard time taking care of your family. 3). There are a few places you can take time for yourself; A.) Go into the bathroom and lock the door. Just sit on the toilet and read or listen to music... B.) Your bedroom and just take a few moments to lay down and enjoy the quiet. C.) Doing laundry or dishes? - Who says you have to hurry up and get them done? Sit down on the kitchen chair or put your arms up on the counter and lay your head on them for a few moments and take some deep breaths. Close your eyes and just breathe. D.) Go take a walk...I hope this will help you! I am praying for you!

[Starrlight in reply to JkBrauer]

Thanks JkBrauer it means a lot that you took the time to write down some suggestions. Let’s see the taking the time out to put my head down and take deep breaths is a great idea. I do give myself some physical breaks like walks during morning and afternoon and I wake up early to have time to myself but I can’t get away from my mind. Wherever you go there you are.