Husband thinks the only feeling I have... - Living with Anxiety

Living with Anxiety

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Husband thinks the only feeling I have is anxiety

Missyrod22 profile image
17 Replies

I just signed up today. I am hoping, like everyone else, to find someone that can relate to what I am going through so I don't feel so alone. I was diagnosed in 2016 with generalized anxiety. Ever since then my husband thinks every feeling I have is anxiety. If I get angry at something he does, he automatically says I need to "talk to someone" because my anxiety is "acting up". I use Cognitive therapy to manage my anxiety and do pretty well. I exercise, yoga, and deep breathe daily. I just wish I had the support from my husband and not made to feel like I'm crazy all the time. He gives me anxiety!

I have been to counseling and was discharged successfully. I send my husband readings on anxiety, I have talked to him countless times, and I just can't seem to get him to not see this ANXIETY stamp on my forehead.

Does anyone have this same problem with their partner? What else can I do?

17 Replies

Hello Missyrod22 & Welcome :-)

No need to feel alone any more , I think anything you post someone will relate and I can relate to what you are saying so much not just with the husband using your anxiety which may I say my opinion is that it makes it easier for them to blame your anxiety rather than looking at what they may be doing in the first place to make you angry and I have also come across this when I have been to the Doctors and I know I am generally not well and they say it is anxiety and I could scream because yes my anxiety might make things worse but it is not the cause of how I feel all the time !

What you do to get through t your husband I am not sure

I know when I get from mine when he is winding me up , O it's your anxiety I just say well if it is you are making me anxious because you have done ( whatever ) and I don't back down , I also point out that I am not stupid and I do not appreciate him using anxiety as a excuse for him upsetting me !

He does tend to listen more but he has had 25 years of experience living with someone that is anxious and we have had many times of disagreeing but he has started to realise it is not a good excuse to use my anxiety when he is upsetting me , so really the only advise I have is to stick to your guns as frustrating as it is at times until he realises that despite anxiety we do have normal feelings as well !

I am pleased you had Counselling and from what you say it was successful ?

How are things now , are you coping a lot better ? I do hope so :-)

If you need to chat you will always have someone to listen to you that understands and I hope you will find that helps even if we don't always have all the answers :-)

Take Care x

Missyrod22 profile image
Missyrod22 in reply to

Thank you for replying. I feel better knowing someone can relate. I was starting to question my sanity and I hate that. I know I'm not crazy. My husband and I have only been together 6 years so maybe I do need more time. It can become so frustrating trying to stick to my guns. That's all I seem to do. I get that it may just take some more time.

My last round of counseling was a good fit. The therapist taught me how to reframe my thoughts and things to do to relax. Every day is still a battle, especially with my running thoughts. I just keep using the skills. I am so much better than I was years ago with managing but I'm the only one who notices. That makes me feel alone at times but I'm proud of myself too.

I signed up for this to get support which is more important than having all the answers. ☺️

in reply to Missyrod22

Hello :-)

You are not going crazy but I know others can make us feel that way but you do have normal emotions to they are not all based on anxiety and as frustrating as it is you have to keep reminding him and then take yourself away from the situation and use some of those techniques you ave been taught :-)

I think for me I look at therapy as they do give us the tools to work with and they do teach us how to use them but it takes time and practice which you are doing and slowly it will become easier and more second nature than what it may feel like now

I am glad you are are not looking for all the answers because if I had them I would stop everyone having to suffer as we do but you will certainly be understood as I always say anxiety is something that cannot be seen like a broken limb but only felt by those that suffer and all of us have either suffered or are still suffering so we know exactly what each of us feels where someone that has not been where we have does not have a clue and maybe try and bear that in mind when you are feeling angry with him , he won't have a clue how you feel so it is not always as personal as we feel it is :-)

If you need a chat you know where we are :-) x

Cat33 profile image
Cat33 in reply to Missyrod22

It's so frustrating this anxiety isn't it I've got osteoarthritis and I get asked ALL the time how am I how my pain is but not one person however lovely they are says Hows your anxiety today It's amazing really as it's 2018 and when you think what subjects are talked about openly why isn't anxiety

Have you seen DARE by Barry McDonagh ? It's the most brilliant book ever and has really helped me a lot I got it on Amazon

Remember though you are not alone anymore you have found us xx😊

Missyrod22 profile image
Missyrod22 in reply to Cat33

I have to also say that my husband doesn't check in on my anxiety either. Unless you include asking me if I'm ok 20 times a day. That's annoying. It would be nice to be asked sincerely how is my anxiety today. I will just have to check in with this group. So I hope your anxiety is on the low side today.

Thank you for the book suggestion. I found it on Amazon and bought it. There is a work book that goes with it. Have you tried that too? I'm considering buying it. I am always open to new ways to reduce my anxiety.

Cat33 profile image

Hello and welcome yes I have the same my husband tries really hard to understand and is so patient but I know he has no idea what it's really like to suffer It's so hard we all know what it's like to feel pain have tummy bugs etc etc and everyone sympathises but tell anyone you have anxiety then is a whole new world I've had some very strange or upsetting responces from some people We were out with friends who didn't know I suffered and they were going on about a lady who had to have time off from work due to anxiety and were saying what a waste of space she was and should be sacked 😩 Needless to say we limit out get togethers now

We all understand on here and you can come on and chat anytime

Glad to hear you are doing well and wishing you all the very best 😊

Missyrod22 profile image
Missyrod22 in reply to Cat33

People can be really insensitive to what they don't understand. Despite all the progress we've made with mental health treatment and education it's still something a lot of people just can't grasp because like you said, it's not like a medical condition. I limit my outings too and am very particular with who I hang out with. I think sticking with friends we can trust is just part of taking care of ourselves.

I really appreciate your support. Thanks. I hope you are doing well.

in reply to Missyrod22

Hi there ~ I can totally understand where you are coming from.

I'm divorced now ~ but my ex husband made me feel a failure.

It was a case of " pull yourself together"

One instance was in a supermarket I. Holland ( I live in UK)

Him and my youngest son went wandering off leaving me on my own.after about half an hour I couldn't find them ( it was a big hypermarket).When we eventually met up ~ after me calling on my mobile. I went into total panic.

And had to rush out ~ leaving him with the trolley with our stuff in.

Well when he came out it was a case of " You made me look stupid in there ~ you are such a drama queen"

Considering I was In a foreign county and by myself ~ all I wanted was a hug and to be looked after ~ which my son did !!

I was always made to feel never good enough.

I didn't ask to have Anxiety and wouldn't wish this on anyone tbh.

It's so not our fault.

You will definately find support in our lovely Community 🙂x

Cat33 profile image
Cat33 in reply to

Aww that must have been such a terrible experience glad your lovely son gave you a hug 💕💕

in reply to Cat33

Thank you Cat for replying to me it means a lot.

Yes it was awful and so frightening too .

Going to Reiki today ~ been a couple of years since my last session so feeling a bit nervous. Even though I know it will do me good. Mr Anxiety still has to poke his nose in lol!!

Wishing you and your family well today 🙂x

Cat33 profile image
Cat33 in reply to

I know I would have felt exactly the same Even here sometimes my husband will go walkabout in a big store and even though I know it's silly as we both have mobiles and know we will find each other I still get panicky so being in Holland in a big hypermarket well I think I would have been in such a state

To be called a drama queen that must have been so horrible I'm very glad he's your EX husband

Have a lovely relaxing time at reiki

I felt really frustrated yesterday as I had the old anxiety of going to the group heart thumping hot thinking Im going to have to rush out to the loo any minute etc etc but it all dies done it always does and I was so relaxed after not too long it's such a waste of space

I'm chuckling here though wouldn't it be great to write a Mister Man book Mr Anxiety 😂 It might make us all realise what a fool he is and he's not going to spoil our lives anymore

Enjoy and drift off xxx

in reply to Cat33

Yes it was certainly an frightening experience!! And in a strange place too ~ but there you go.

Good idea bout Mr Anxiety book lol!!

Yes I know I'll be fine once I get there ~ but you know what it's like!!

Taking my chakra crystals with me to have them Reiki d ~ been a while since they have been cleansed and feel they have lost their power a bit.

If you see someone floating in the sky ~ you'll know it's me ~ at peace with the world lol !! 🦋🦋x

Thank you for your support xx

Cat33 profile image
Cat33 in reply to

I'm intrigued about your chakra crystals they sound lovely

I'll keep looking out

"Float On " xx

in reply to Cat33

Oh yes they are lovely ~ you are meant to put the crystals on certain parts of your body .But can be difficult to balance ~ so I tend to hold them in my hand. Google chakra healing and it will explain it to you. I'm really into holistic stuff ~ have a Reiki epsilon dome in my living room that's meant to absorb negative energy and also use a sage spray as well.

Thanks for your interest ~ oh yes getting ready to " float "🦋🦋xx

Missyrod22 profile image

I don't think your husband sounds patronizing at all. I wish my husband would notice how far I've come. I've shared with him what I do on a daily basis but I think he just wants me to be in counseling forever, like that's going to fix me. It's hard for him to not see me as a problem that needs to be fixed. I just keep trying different ways to attempt to get through to him. Right now I'm proud of me so I can live with that for now. I'm also glad I joined this forum. I was skeptical at first but I really like it.

lowtech profile image

I dont think this situation is at all unusual. I wonder if it was caused by an unresolved previous 'event' or just a build up over years? In my case it's a culmination of events since our son died as a result of NHS negligence. We handled it different ways from 'nothing you can do now' to (my view) 'why are they all lying after the avoidable event'. It went on to our wanting to help those in the same situation, but me wanting to expose the corruption at the NHS trust and the Health Services Ombudsman (PHSO) who both took advantage of our post traumatic stress to deny everything they did to upset and harm my son and us.

Complaining to the PHSO should have taken account of this but the responses have been so awful in lies, arguments about what happened, accusations about my son and victimisation of me as a very stressed complainant. The arrogant and corrupt PHSO has never taken any of this on board and dont even have a complaint system to deal with their intimidation and attitudes.

The continued stress from all sides home and away is too much and often flares up when we dont see eye to eye even after our 40 years together. I am on medication for 'calming' but my asthma and physical condition is becoming much worse. It stops me being out and about as I should be. Nobody understands this. My NHS complaint has never been resolved. My son died ten years ago. Counselling has never helped. Some people just dont "Get it". Fortunately I can talk to some good friends who understand, from Doctors of Psychology down to NHS and partner PHSO victims, who also lost family due to NHS negligence. There are some barriers that 'shall not be broken' however, and people will continue to suffer from State-funded protection machinery.

Sorry to waffle off topic. What I am saying is that **it happens to many, and for different reasons. All resolutions must be by talking through problems. Try and talk openly to Best Friends. It does help because you know you are being understood and are not alone. They may have tips, too!.

hello Missyrod

I feel and its pure intuition nothing else that your husband may be the problem. His attitude seems controlling and invalidating with fake caring. This is like emotional abuse which can cause generalised anxiety. That free floating unease and sense of foreboding and dread.

Maybe it will help you to put some boundaries between you and him for a time and detach from him. That way you can begin to identify the trigger for your anxiety.

I speak from experience its been a long road and now I can gauge whether the anxiety is my own or from outside.

I wish you well soon.

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