Please don't judge me, I really don't need it. I had a baby a few days ago and I was so happy after the birth. It's the hours that followed that have now changed happiness into worry and guilt. I had to stay in hospital and I am breastfeeding so had only a few hours sleep in those few days as he wanted to feed constantly. All was fine until one night where I fell asleep for about an hour an a half. ( still in hospital) Before I fell asleep I managed to settle baby. Anyway I suddenly woke up quick to him screaming. I pulled him out of his cot quick to feed him. Then that's when I got all these overwhelming intrusive thoughts that someone has come and hurt him or shook him during the night whilst I was sleeping. There was only one other lady and a baby on the ward at this point. Midwives were all at their station and the doors to our ward was closed. I thought what if this lady was annoyed that my baby was crying to much making too much noise and she hurt him or she just did it for some other reason. It might sound stupid to some but I can't get it out of my head and it's affecting me. I don't know where it's come from! Then the next day my 'cubical curtain' was open and she looked in at me so this just re-enforced these thoughts. Is this some sort of depression or could this have really happened? Would I know if someone had hurt him. I can't function with these thoughts in my head. I look at him with guilt thinking he's been harmed and it's my fault for not keeping awake.
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