I guess I was on my way to work and I was realizing I was going to run late. On my way there I was worried I would get anxiety and I would be late, and people would think I was unreliable. When I was nearly there, I felt stupid, I mean I couldn't really think straight and then on my way to work, after being dropped off by the bus, I lost control and started crying. Very close to facing my employer about being late, I just turned around and went home crying and certainly hyperventilating. I felt so much guilt and after a month or so of trying to relearn how strong and worthy of life I am, I sort of feel like I lost that. I feel like I really failed myself.
This kind of thing happens with me. With friends, with meetings, with work. As a freelancer I am in control of my hours, but I honestly can't rely on myself to do it.
I don't know what to do. What should I do. Can I function with missed work opportunities all the time? How can anyone live like that? Is there something I can do? I am a bit worried about money this month. I actually don't think I will make rent this month. Right now I am hungry. I don't have money for food or putting minutes on my phone.
Written by
missbelle
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
7 Replies
•
HI x Welcome to the forum x
The first thing I notice here is that you seem to have a very low confidence in yourself and ability to do things x This can be due to a number of reasons and maybe something you have not even noticed. But it seems that every time you are about to do something, without the outcome you assume the worst has happened and the panic sets in.
Its not such a bad thing being late for work once in a while, I am sure if you explained to your employer he would understand that you will be a little late, rather than not come at all x When you over think the panic it can become far worse, the best option is to try and ignore it and not let the anxiety rule you x
My advice to you would be to go and ask your gp for some help, there are lots of things that can be done with anxiety x From medication to some forms of therapy which can help with any confidence issue x Sorry I did,nt see the freelance thing, when you accept a job tell them at the moment you are suffering from some anxiety issues and the job will be done but they must bear with, people will understand x
Hi Donver. I am pretty aware of my low self confidence. It pretty much goes hand in hand with my panic attacks though. I worry that people think I am crazy and I feel crazy. Though I had been getting help up until the past two weeks. That help took care of most of my symptoms. I was on medication, Paxil for two months. I can't afford it right now, so what has happened might be because I am now 2 weeks off of the medication. Nonetheless, I would like to be able to work and function so I can afford medication again and everything else. Money is tight and that's really putting an edge on me.
Today I spoke with my employer after the incident and he was very understanding, but I could not brush off the guilt I felt. After much anxiety today I found it nice to escape via sleep. I woke up at 6 am to travel to work at 9 today and I did get at least 7 hours of sleep so it shouldn't be a reason I needed to sleep when I get hope. I felt like my stomach was twisted, like it was really tight and hot. This has happened before when I was anxious. It's actually quite painful at its worst. Nonetheless I took to sleep to see if I could escape the feeling today.
I was aware that not going to work at all is a bad idea, I can't say it is the thoughts of going to work that gave me anxiety, nor even being late, just the stress of going to work and trying so very hard to be on time. I would really like to be a functioning person and I don't want people to know I have anxiety. I hate having to go through the steps of explaining to my many employers that I have panick disorder.
I really can't afford therapy. Madication is cheaper where I am from.
Thanks so much.
Still feeling a great pound against my ego today and something like this I worry will effect the flow of this entire month where I have several work gigs lined up and I cannot afford anymore breakdowns.
Hi, I’m sorry that you had a panic attack. I haven’t had one for a while myself but I certainly remember how awful it feels to lose control. From what you mentioned, it sounds like you were over thinking that you were going to be late. I have a big problem regarding time. I become anxious if I’m late and if the person who I have made arrangements with is a little late I become anxious. It’s awful. You certainly should not feel stupid nor guilty. You haven’t failed yourself. You were able to make the right decision based on the welfare of your state; you went home to calm down, I certainly wouldn’t have been able to function. I remember one time I was late and I couldn’t move. So you certainly are much stronger than you believe yourself to be. Are you seeing somebody who may be able to help you? Could seeing a doctor help you, if s/he can refer you to a counsellor who may be able to provide you with remedies? I really hope that you feel better soon and get the support that you need.
Oh Kat, Thankyou. To be honest, all I could think about when I got homme was how much I needed a cat right now, just someone nonjudgmental to be around me and hug me at that moment. I am 27 but I sometimes feel like I am so weak for my age. I would love to have a counsellor...I can't afford it, but I want one. Here in Canada, I get refered to a psychiatrist and I don't see the use of it other than trying to label me with some condition...
(I have two cats, I'll lend you one on loan). Cats are awesome aren't they? So nonjudgemental and a easy way to retain calm. You aren't weak for your age but I know how you feel, I'm 23. I feel so immature when I compare myself to others who behave normally. I confess, I have no idea what the medical health is like in Canada. In Switzerland, you have to be referred if the doctor thinks that it is severe enough or you pay to see a pyschologist -- I did used to see one but my parents (Mum, mainly) felt that it was too long of a journey. It was only about 2 hours in the car. Yet it was OK to drive the same amount of time to take my sister to take my sister to ice skating. =/ I remember when I went out. My friend wasn't there. She was actually late but I felt the anxiety build up and I tried so very hard to calm myself down but it wasn't good enough and I ended up on the wrong bus (actually said to the bus driver to "take me home", I must have sounded crazy). My Dad had to come and get me. I haven't seen that friend since because she didn't get it. I really hope that your boss is supportive of you. And I really hope that you find some form of support. Anxiety meltdowns aren't fun.=(
That sounds pretty rough. I guess sometimes when you can't get all the things to work for the treatment, something simple like good company like a cat can be really nice. I have to say I have debated with people about overthinking and its not necessarily that way. Its a chicken and egg conundrum for me. I find that the anxiety comes and I try to find ways to reject it.
Being late makes me feel anxious and my thoughts, I tried not to think about it, but my thoughts were trying to protect me from being witnessed in this way. The thoughts were trying to tell me, you need to get out of here and go home, because you are going to make a fool of yourself, you are unsafe, people will think your a baby, people will think your weak, but what I was trying to think to myslf is, stop this stop thinking this. Just run to the next bus transfer. But all my bus problems heightened anxiety. I remember feeling so anxious...just being outside travelling far from home. I work as a public model for arts classes so it really does hit the nail on the head. I work as the center of attention. I really don't know how I do this but I have for a few years. not since this past year in which I suffered a serious bycycle accident broken pelvis and hand have I had a hard time travelling for this job, I really couldn't get a grip on my anxiety anymore. My bf broke up with me right then and there, and I lost my job after a few months of disability.
I very much want a relaxing job where I will feel safe in a position where I coud get a panick attack but as far as money goes nothing has come my way or I have been too afraid to do the job hunt with great efficiency.
Hi & Welcome to the site
Donver has replied & I cannot really add more to her advise but wanted to say hello & hope you will feel you can come & talk to others on here that understand how anxiety affects us
There are a couple of pinned posts to the right side of the page
One is Symptoms of anxiety the other one Tips for coping with panic attacks I don't know if you have had a look but maybe there maybe something that will help you a little knowing how you feel is typical anxiety symptoms
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
How i managed my last anxiety attack with no meds
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted, but I haven’t been without Health anxiety 