Hopelessness

I've been diagnosed officially with PTSD this week which is not a shock. I begin EMDR sessions next week so hope those are able to help. I have these bouts of feeling hopeless. I'm trying not to go too hard on myself but just feel that things will never get easier. Cry myself to sleep most nights with the thought of "I'm not strong enough to go through this". It's an extra burden on my wife and kids that they don't deserve. Anyone else had these feelings?

[Sepsur]

don’t be so hard on yourself - it will get better.

[downthemoor]

In short ...yes ....it's really tough going. Everyone says it will get better and it does over time ...I'm 15 months in and still struggle but told its still early days . I'm just trying to find a focus in this strange new world I've found myself in . Critical Care Network can support you if you've not already made contact

[BigH63]

Hi. Yes I’m 13 months on this strange journey of ours. It’s does take time unfortunately, everything and I mean everything is a slow marathon, and slow wins this race, like learning to walk, like being able to get my lungs back to operation, like not having a purpose in life it’s all hard and will get better but the key is don’t blame yourself there are people out there to help you navigate all of this so don’t beat yourself up.

Take time to rest each day sleep and repair. Don’t worry about crying it is regarded as a natural phenomenon that helps release stress and ameliorate mental pain. I still cry at the drop of a hat it helps.

Good luck with you’re EMDR

👍

[Misterpaulwood]

Been having emdr for three months, it's slow going but we are getting there.It just takes time.

All the best

Paul at the Steampacket Inn Knottingley

[Mytur]

Hi and sorry your struggling so much. Like most of the replies and perhaps little comfort to you what your experiencing seems a common experience. I'm 2 yrs on from a stay in ICU after contracting meningitis and can relate to all you've written and what others have said, particularly the emotional side of things, crying, hopelessness and feeling unable to cope. I did talk to my GP who prescribed antidepressants, fluoxetine suited me, which I have just stopped after 6 months and they did help get me over the hump.

2 yrs on and I'm now no where near as bad as I was but still have my challenges most day but definitely getting there. It's slow but that seems, frustratingly, par for the course but you will get there. Stay strong, use your support and keep talking.

Best Wishes, my thoughts are with you.

Mark

[Hidden]

Thank you everyone, I understand I am at the beginning of my journey and have a very very long way to go, but doesn't make the day to day coping any easier (I'm writing this at 4am, no sleep tonight). First night tonight I was left on my own (kids at grandparents, wife out, dogs away) and I've never felt so scared and helpless. That's not me, I never used to scare easily. Just gotta stick at it I guess.

[Myfanwy58 in reply to Hidden]

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing these feelings. Similar resonate with me even now some 4yrs post critical illness/ICU. The feelings are very real & in some people enduring. Indeed, much academic research has been published detailing this aspect of post ICU survival. I’m pleased you’ve recognised the need for professional support and that an appointment’s in the pipeline. I too have done similar. Sincerely, wishing you well.

[Lux95 in reply to Hidden]

You are right, when facing a fear head on, it doesn't make it easier just hearing that it gets better. It is hard, and no one really understands. Just take one day at a time. Everyday you make it through is proof that you can do it again. That's when knowing that others have done it starts to become and encouragement to keep going. The same applies to each week, month, and eventually, year.

Don't hesitate to rely on family now. We may be stronger than we fear, but need more help than we were ever used to.

It's been 2 years for me. I was very athletic before (at least when younger), and very independent, even with my own family. The first year, I cried a lot too, at the drop of a hat. I really have no idea why thinking about it makes us feel that sad, but it does. I still dread going to bed, and don't want to get up. I ran my own business (music/audio) for years and had no problems with high profile clients, but I have zero enthusiasm for it now. I fear and avoid even the mildest stressful situations. But, we adjust. I've started painting, and love it. Never even thought about it before. Really weird, but finding something like that can be a huge lift.

I know hearing us say we still deal with various effects may not be reassuring, but the point is we are still here, not just managing, but trying to make the most of it. Being honest that it isn't easy is important I think. Most of the medical community (US at least) dismisses us once we pass a certain level of physical functionality and just stare blankly when we recount the nightmares, and ongoing stress/trauma. But that's also why many of us are here, answering posts - so you don't feel alone, and so we don't either.

Hang in there! I had never heard of EMDR before this site, and don't know anything about it. I hope it helps! You are doing something proactive to deal with the PTSD, and that is commendable on its own!

[helen_m]

Hi there,

I'm exactly the same as you - just diagnosed by doctor and the wellbeing centre with PTSD last week. Last year I focused on my physical recovery from sepsis/severe septic shock/multiple organ failure etc (February 2023) and didn't give any thought to mental recovery. It hit me around the year anniversary so all this year so far has been rubbish! The hopelessness you describe very well is mixed with pure spikes of anxiety in the middle of the night and walking around with a knot in my stomach.

I'm getting talking therapies (I think CBT) and they mentioned EMDR too plus I am getting anti-depressants (Sertraline) which I've still to start.

I find myself having lost interest in all the things I would usually do to perk myself up. Such a horrible feeling.

I know I will get through this period. I know we will all get through this period - my GP is being very good and helpful.

It's hard on my husband as he has a different sort of trauma from me - he suffered with the thought of losing his wife for over a month whereas I was knocked out but this makes it difficult to talk to him about how I feel.

Wishing you all the best xx

[ZanderB]

Hi Hidden

It's such a cliche but, as others above have said, it can get better. I really think that a clinical psychologist (with EMDR) and antidepressants (Sertraline) really helped me. I was very reluctant to try either - principally on the grounds that I (perhaps stupidly) thought I could cope without - but am glad I did.

Wishing you all the best with this. It's not easy but whilst I would never ever in a million years wish to go through what I experienced three years ago (it was hell), I find myself doing all kinds of interesting things now that I would never have got involved with otherwise.