Delirium- from inside my head

[SummerFruity]

Hi all, I wrote this poem on the spur of the moment to try and explain what delirium felt like for me. Hopefully it'll help some people understand what their loved ones might be going through when they wake up from a coma. I felt like this for a week - maybe longer - in between periods of lucidity. The nights were worse so I stayed awake on watch and slept in the day... I think these are all pretty common themes for us.

Delirium hum drum and coma body blues.

I stood on the edge of darkness, staring into a pit of despair,

Unaware I was peering into death’s cold lair.

Not a single ounce of knowledge, nor a hint of surprise,

I didn't even know it when I opened my eyes...

But once—my God—those eyes could see,

The nightmares began, and my mind tried to flee.

It conjured up stuff I didn't understand,

Running, I guess, from death’s lonely hand.

No comprehension, no sense to be found,

The nurses were killers, the doctors were clowns.

I tried to run, to just get off that bed,

But my body was broken—Jeez—along with my head!

I couldn’t speak, not a sound, not a peep,

But my eyes could kill from fifty feet.

And say—stay away, you evil man,

I’ll call the police as soon as I can.

I was stuck in a silent, unmovable hole,

My feet leaden, my hands lumps of coal.

No tears, just fear and wrath,

Yet I thought I was “someone” on an important path

(and that’s delirium).

It's not like the movies—you don’t just wake up and say “hello”

After surviving a coma, your everything says “no”

You’re a child again learning to walk, learning to eat and learning to talk.

You’re an old person, feeble and slow, no way can you just get up and go.

(That take months/years)

But... we’re still here. We escaped death’s door!

And we get to live some more—hooray!

Altered, I know, but I'm OK with who I’ve become,

Thanks to the coma blues and delirium hum drum.

[Lux95]

That sums it up quite well! Nicely done!

[garycom]

Thank you for that. I was in a coma for two months and had ICU delirium so I can certainly relate to that! I never knew if the nurses were injecting me with poison or taking a blood test! I had to give up in the end because I couldn't move - although I certainly had "dreams" of moving - I'd leave the hospital every night and go to a club nearby that had a multimedia show that was supposed to replicate the effects of a stroke! (That was before the celebrities started to arrive lol!) I can laugh about it now but at the time it all seemed so real. Very good poem.

[SummerFruity in reply to garycom]

It is such a crazy time. I never got celebrities visiting unfortunately - but I definitely thought I was one - lol! My daughter says I kept "mouthing" to the nurses "Do you know who I am!" 😂

[Raising8]

Hi,I write poetry and yours is amazing! Explained it all perfectly, well done 🙂

[NSMOD]

Good job, plenty of references in there for me.

[Slip-Digby]

I like that and can relate.

I too was as mad as a fish in intensive care. Sort of a SummerFruityCake!! 🤪🕛🕜🕘🕦🤪

[QueenOCE]

hi was wondering how long did your delerium last? we almost lost my dad (74) after he contracted necrotizing fascieitis in his hand. it spread up his arm and he was rushed from out country hospital to a major hospital in the city. he went into hospital in may and came out in August. he was on life support for over 2 weeks and he immediatly had icu delerium. he still has is months later and he cries a lot. he told me he saw his father and grotesque aliens ect. he has recovered physically but mentally hes like talking to a child. he is frightened all the time and sees shadow people when nobody is there. tia

[Slip-Digby in reply to QueenOCE]

Sorry to hear your Dad is still suffering.

I would have thought that if it is ICU psychosis that it might have started to heal by now. We are of course all different and I wasn't 'right' for at least six months after spending three weeks in a coma in ICU.

However once I'd woken up and come home (after about four weeks) then the very worst of the hallucinations and delusions were no where near as vivid as when I was on life support.

I was convinced that one of the doctors in particular had performed horrific experiments and psychological torture on me (there is still a small part of me that thinks it happened and I was in ICU nearly 15yrs ago! (the delerium is THAT real)) In fact I visited the hospital daily looking for this bastard in the car parks, never mind the fact that he didn't exist other than in my fevered and very wonky brain.

Are you sure Dad isn't suffering with something physical that is compounding the mental anguish - something as simple as dehydration or constipation can cause delirium in those with other comorbidities (other health problems - a case of minor ailments all coming together and overloading the system)

I saw it in both my parents when I nursed them through to the end with cancer - it really didn't take much to send them off the rails mentally with everything else they were suffering with.

I really do empathize with Dad's mental troubles, I saw many horrendous things - things not of this world also, car crashes with mutilated victims spread all over the road everytime I shut my eyes and the staff doing medical and biological/psychological experiments on me, messing with my DNA and trying to turn me in a goddamn chicken so I could lay some eggs for them. The swine!

Excuse me and my darkly humorous recollections, someone once said - forget who it was - that you should 'laugh in the face of death' so I do. If old scratch comes a knockin' for my soul he gonna get some serious whoop-ass!

All the best and I wish your Dad much improvement at this difficult time,

Glen

[SummerFruity in reply to QueenOCE]

Hi QueenOCEI had it bad for about a week, after a 3 week coma, but the memory of it is still vivid. I also came home with a dog that I'd sometimes see out the corner of my eye. I was always worried about feeding and walking him - till i remembered he wasn't real. I was also very frightened, tearful and jumpy for many months and was diagnosed with mild PTSD. I'm now recovering and am less emotional and scared. It's 18 months since I came home.

I remember being told that delirium could go on for longer for some people and we were given this leaflet to read and were told to contact the doctor if it continued after discharge: acrobat.adobe.com/id/urn:aa...

I do hope your dad starts to recover soon, perhaps a chat with his doctor will help?

All the best x

[Sophiecs]

I just read this to my father who has been awake 3 weeks now and the delirium has now passed but he said it’s so very true and really appreciated your post! Thank you