alcoholic son and cant break through

[garyplat]

Hi all

I am at a dead end and feel a sense of resignation and frustration and helplessness-

This is probably a very familar path for many - I dont know where to begin and the full story will have insomniacs cured.

My son has just turned 21 and spent it in intensive care in king's college hospital after an attack which left him in an induced coma with a bleed on the brain

History-

From the age of 12 he was asked to leave school because of weed and the spirral began( maybe would have anyway)he was passed through the system meeting cahms - who said he was ok,drud zsars and behaviourist specialists and ultimately fell out of society- had no social group job or structure- Weed turned to cocaine and cocaine to alcohol- werd and coke stopped when next obsession or compulsion came along- I got him jobs college courses etc - he caused so much hurt within the whole family even though loved and seemingly having opportunities in front of him- He and his sister live with me for 6 years ( single father and no family as mum is dead and dad lives abroad) I also run my own accountancu firm .His drinking escalated and he became rude aggresive and the biggest csuse of concern for all - Will cut this short;

Passes to his mum(lives hearn bay)and back to give some relief.He fell into 0oor company and the guilt and helplessness builds and builds .Police called numerous times both here with me and his mother-

he got sepsis and organs were shutting down and he had open surgery and discharged himself with open wound to drink- He then got attacked on 30th march and a horrendously worrying and traumatic time insued.

He has just bern discharged aand have no help as it stands but is coming.The alcohol team at Kings are hopeless- he has a brain of a 60 year old pancreatitis liver damage and bleed on brain.Seeing him in there was so hartowing as the outcome was unknown

So we being him back last Tuesday 30th April and looked at areas pf his life and am trying to put support in place whilst struggling under the strain my partner Helen has been amazing comfort and strength

Well by Friday he was drinking and all the hope shattered- I talk to aa and get the standard until the person hits rock bottom thats your lot and I understand but adter all the above where os rockbottom- When he went to drink I called al anon desperately knowing how to deal with the issue- to he told that I have to let him make his choice- he has drunk the last 2 days and more heavily and the rudeness already back

I dont know where to turn because apparently none of the help groups work unless he wants to( an adfict has to decide)

how do i set boundaries which I already know sadly he wont keep

his sister is 16 and an incredibly diligent girl and is sitting het exams this month - afyer all this

It is all consuming and we dont know the answers and I appreciate the groups but ultimately just attending in vain hope - actually no hope.

If i keep my son here - he is still on masdive medication at what cost to a family akready completely worn out - If i kick him out I feel i am sending him to die and nobody anywhere helps because its down to him the addict

Its breaking my heart and am writing on here to ser if someone can suggest something - therapy / hardline approach to him ( although i am told its not hom its the adfiction) and can someone please help me save my sons life please

Many Thanks for your time

Gary

[ubiqinol]

I am so sorry for you pain & suffering and that of your family and son. I would encourage you to go to Al-anon and just keep going. You WILL find your answers there. I was forced into a recovery program 32 years ago, haven't had a drink since. Your son WILL NOT get sober until he wants to, and the fact is he may never want to. You are powerless over him. Everyone who helps him along now is enabling his continued drinking. If he is helpless and alone, that may be the time he finds his bottom. Again as a parent my heart feels and hurts for you. Sadly he may never accept help from anyone. Be grateful for the love of your partner and focus the goodness on your daughter who is working so hard. Never stop praying for him, I will pray for you and your loved ones. By the way I worked in the field of recovery with young people for 30 years. Be assured there is nothing you HAVEN'T DONE.

[garyplat in reply to ubiqinol]

Hi

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post- It does really make a difference .Your comments which are from your own experience although are unfortunately true are true and as his father leave me feeling desperately powerless that I cant change it and after all we have been through all we can look forward to is another incident which will invole my son getting badly hurt and hoping its a rock bottom moment- I struggle with the concept as his Dad that I have to wait for this to happen for an addict to get to get help and keep waiting for the nest rock bottom moment- We.domt wait for rapists or paedophiles to say they have a problem and although different are apparently illnesses!

I aliken it to that because we have all hern told this is the only way it eorks we all believe it- we were taught thst Noah had an ark and Jesus turned water to wine for years and now we all know its a falsehood- I am not knocking peoples efforts but society doesnt care and i fundamentally do not tbink that 12 steps etc although wirks for some dies not for others as they are all individuals and a one for sll spproach means many slip through the net- We are relying on an addict to go through something terrible to decide to make a change-There must be anothet way.

I could go on for hours but there is no point and am soo frustrated but its all part of the journey.

On the plus side my son was trying again tonight to create and I told him he can call me what he wants and smash everything but I am noy giving up on him..he is stuck with me!- he finalky said he wished he never started drinking andd cried on my shoulders and telling me he is scared of dying and not waking uo-we agreed to try everything we can and some may work some maybe not so much- It felt like a breakthrough moment

who knows ??

Best wishes