I can't help but to laugh and then immediately feel like crying when I start relating my current memory to that of the lovable "Dorry" character from the Disney film Finding Nemo.
I've found myself daunted by the prospect of having to start the APS diagnosis process all over again. I'm tried, drained and just don't know if I can 'be asked'.
Back in the US I was diagnosed with APS 7 years ago shortly after giving birth to my second child. What started out as weak knees causing me to fall quickly turned to full passout/blackout sessions. After 12 months of testing everything under the sun they still hadn't come to any conclusions. I had a wave of generousity (and financial strain) and decided to donate some of my eggs at a fertility clinic. In the process of finalising the tests they ran the wrong one... the one for mother's who can't have children... and thus was passed to a Specialist in Hemotology who went through the diganosis process. I was initialy on Coumadina and eventually tired down to just an aspirin a day... but man did I look like a leopard from all the bruising from the thin blood!
Two years after diagnosis I met my British husband and upon feeling that life was too short to waste I left my job, my family, everything... and move me and one of two children to the UK.
One of my first tasks was to get registered with a GP and make sure I had someone monitoring my APS. After 3 Dr visits pleading for a blood test, I finally got one. They weren't interested in looking at all the records I'd brought with me from my US Dr's, which seemed very disturbing.. The test to my shock and happiness, came back negative... so I went off the aspirin...
And for the last 5 years everything has, for the most part, felt fine. But in the last 4-6 months I've felt those symptoms creeping back again. As I type
- My two fingers are tingling... not to mention the wierd pain in my foot
- I walked into the door twice this morning already... (outch! another bruise!)
- I forgot to feed the cats dinner and breakfast (that's why they are following me around!)
- I remember having a conversation last night with my Mother in Law but can't remember the time I'm to pick her up Christmas Eve (have to call her back)
- I know I need to sit down and work on my Marketing Plan that I have been struggling to finish at work for the last few months... but can't seem to focus to save my life! SO frustraing...
So I've canned my current GP and found a new one, this one came recommended on the NHS site. I've had one new patient visit with the nurse and I must say she was lovely and has scheduled me with a barage of blood tests next week. But I know how long this process takes... and fear is overwhelming that before I'm put back on medicine I'm either going to lose my job or have TiA's again.
I can only hope that this time it won't take a year to diagnose.. that this time I actually have found a Dr that cares and will help me... a boss that will understand and be patient and not fire me... and a husband that will bear with my dreadful memory (I am listening to you I just don't always remember everything you say x).
Bring on the weekend..