Yesterday I realized how much of life has been spent on trying to please others. From childhood, into my teens, & well into my my adulthood. And because I have made such a practice of it, trying to please others has become almost automatic. And I hate it. I hate it and I refuse to live another minute of my life that way.
I’m not sure how this will affect those closest to me because they are all used to me being super agreeable & pleasing, but I’m over it. And that doesn’t feel selfish to me. It feels empowering. I’m excited to direct all of this exerted pleasing energy towards myself. I am worthy of it & I’m ready ✨
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brokenlight
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I understand. It is very hard to change how to interact with people. To let other people learn their own lessons without getting in the way or saving them from the consequences of their own actions. I want to try to fix it but sometimes I just can't.
I was raised to be a care taker and hero of the family. The person who people could ask for help and they would know that I would be there. I had to one day decide that "I" was just as important as they were. Not better, just as important. It was not easy and was quit the opposite. The people around me did not like it, and some even criticized me for taking care of myself first. I felt incredibly guilty at the time. I was always the last one in the line. I had to put myself up front to heal. So I did. Hard. Very Hard.
I could not go down into the hole that others wanted to live in. I had to value me enough to say, "I can't do it any longer". I still feel some guilt for letting self destructive people self destruct. They call it survivors guilt. I always thought I could do something. This time I tried everything and then I chose to let them go. Sad but some people cant choose health.
It's funny, isn't it, how we quash our own needs and light, for someone else's. I did this willingly for my mother, to be a good daughter when she needed support. I have never regretted this.
But how to suddenly change and decide to go for one's own power/rights in life, without causing shock waves!!!
Knowing that others do and can wish the best for us
also knowing that it's ok to not be perfect, but also to deserve to be loved.
Those two factors were key for me in pushing forward to succeed.
I totally hear you Brokenlight. About 15 years ago I came to my own same conclusion. I was pleasing others but just being a doormat in the process. I realised also, one crucial thing - you can not please all the people all the time.
So in Bob Marley's own words "so now you see the light, stand up for your rights!"
I have to give one word of caution or rather advice, because I was a support system for my family [though it meant being a doormat and neglecting pleasing-my-self!]...
My sudden decision to change was hard to take from 'theory to practice.' It was easy to be seen as having an attitude change and I seemed to face further consequences that way.
I suggest - if you can - maybe talking to one or two trusted people in your life, for whom this change is critical, yet for whom their love is stronger and these people WILL support you; so to just let them know - 'hey, i'm fed up of being this kind of doormat in life... i need to grow and become my own person '
I think this is totally a better way to go.
I took the other way/path and really let down people I loved, trusted, because I went for the complete transformation in one season attempt! Not very clever, I know.
There's nothing wrong in letting others know things have got to change for you... and then going for that. But what I under-estimated, is not just how much I gave for others in support, but in how much their support actually, in fact, counted for my own worldview.
Sometimes change does not require climbing Everest [have you seen the traffic jams on the news today by the way on that mountain!!!? c/o BBC News]
Sometimes, change involves Breathe, Reflection, then Communication. It can feel like rocket science when facing such a climb or transformation....
yet, it will take time and, if you take the best route, you can reach the summit with purpose still in tact and hope residing within.
I know I'd never make it up Everest. But any other Scottish Munro on any other summers day, I'll give a try!
Sorry - I seem to always write such cryptic poet lines..... that's just me it seems.
Be the change you wish to see in life..... isn't that the call
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