My husband shared another picture on his Facebook again today....simple to those of us who can to share a Facebook memory. Couple of taps in the right place (not slightly left or too high or tapping continuously like you're stuck in a loop that you're desperate to get out of but just can't break. Also you really need a bigger phone). So happy about that of course.
Anyway I digress it was a picture of our son (bear in mind I have just typed "MY son"...not fair at all, but I find myself doing that more and more🤦🏽♀️☹️) anyway, OUR son at about 3 years old with his hands in a bucket of mud while I attempted to plant some things. Our kid (we have another who came afterwards) looks sooo happy in that picture. And I realised something after seeing this as well as after having a meeting with the school as said son is moving up to high school next year.
He made our kids happy.
He was the one out of the 2 of us who made them happy. ALL THE TIME by just BEING. Its the thing that's missing in their lives at the moment. I'm the administrator. I get us to our appointments and make sure there is enough money in the bank and food in the fridge and we're all vaccinated, dog wormed, car MOT'd. But he made the happiness. The weird sense of jolly that was often in our home but is now strangely lacking. I mean he is jolly all the time now, he smiles and laughs at everything despite it being inappropriate. But yes. I've just realised that those ridiculous wide open smiles are gone from our kids. The silliness and the buzz is sort of missing from our home. I've filled it with busy and bustle, targets and things to achieve. But it's not the same.
Random ramble of many future random rambles. Day 1million, 1.5 years later. Few would understand these words, but I'm sure to find a good number of those few on this group. ❤️
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ored13
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Hi ored, you may not experience things as you once did, but your children don't see through your eyes. You are part of the equation that made those happy pictures. Hold on to that. It takes two to tango. 🍀
Hi Ored, I'm sorry you're going through this. I read both determination to get through and grief in your post. It seems you're trying to hold your family together with busyness and bustle, and I hope you're also taking time out to look after yourself.
The role changes following brain injury are really tough, and it feels to me like a grief process but a really complex one - trying to let go/accept what was, while allowing a new relationship to flourish with the person who remains. This is hard when you're busier than you used to be due to your new role. My partner is just over 2.5 years post brain injury and this process still feels tough at times, at others it's like a new normal has taken hold and I can appreciate some of the good bits.
Thanks for replying. Yes I think you've hot it dear centre there. It's like the longest grieving process. But almost like it's going in circles. I'm not sure that it will end, but not is it tough not having that person there who used to be there. (But still is)Some days I'll look at him sitting in front of his monitor with his headset on, legs crossed and he just looks like he ever did. Like he'll turn around and ask me something about even the kids sports day is our in don't know.... Things that I can't even remember because the old him is disappearing from my memory which is quite sad.
But there are also days when I remind myself that a year ago it was tough and though things are tough in a different way now they are 1000 times more easy to manage.
Thanks so much for sharing that but of hope for the future and for understanding. ❤️
Hi, The dun will come. Maybe in a different way, but it will come.
My kids were 4, 8 and 11 when I had my bi. Prior to that when not at work I was the daft and fun one. The bordering on irresponsible one. My excuse I worked 12-14 hours a day 6 days a week.
Then one day daddy didn't come home from work.....Still waiting for him infact. The early days were tough, my elder grew up to fast helping my wife look after me.
I asked them a few years back if they had had a good childhood and apologising for what I had put them through.
They all unanimously laughed and said that I didn't know how funny I had been at times and they always felt loved and knew I was trying my best.
Don't you love kids. So basically what I'm saying is this stage is temporary and so will be the next. Kids are resilient and adapt better than us. You will find new roles and your husband may still end up the funny one without even knowing it.
I do wish that James could be you in a few years in. Being able to type and reflect on past years. It just blows my mind that this is possibly something which may (or may not) happen. Currently it seems like it's absolutely just not an option. Some weird impossible dream. Our son is 11 now and our daughter 7, this is us a year and a half on. Because their dad can't actually speak much and not very well, I feel like there has been this weird shift, like they almost ignore him because of it. Hard to explain and sounds awful. They do still talk to him but honestly there is a hole in our home.
My first couple of years of recovery are very patchy and I can only go on what I am told happened.
Walking and talking were real issues for me. I think it was within the first year I began to walk again albeit on crutches then sticks. I am now at a point I use a stick rarely.
As for talking that was about two years to become really understandable. Then a long time to be able to say what I meant. Even now when tired my language goes to pot. This can lead to some funny conversations.
Like your children it had a effect on them. My youngest withdrew from me and my eldest was very protective and would answer for me.
It will improve . To what extent who knows. Your family dynamic will alter and keep doing so.
This puts a bit of perspective into the matter. Hard when you're in it battling through the dark with no idea how big the room actually is. I at least think the kids are happy or content and my husband says he's happy. Some days, very few to be honest when I ask if he's sad he will say yes. We have "sad sad" and "brain injury sad" they mean different things for him esspecially as he can't articulate.
But again it's nice to know that there is some hope. At least a bit!
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