So today I went down a very negative mental road of asking myself 'what is the point of my existence?'
Surely at the moment I'm just a waste of the planets resources and a burden on my family, but that's not true every life has something valuable to contribute in some way and it's so important for us all to see that everyday!
I'm lucky to have caring friends and family to pull me out of it however they can't completely understand which is actually OK. How can they when I couldn't have either 4months ago, before the accident. They are what made me realise it was a very selfish thought it was and of course I had plenty of reasons for 'being' from the small things like taking pleasure in a beautiful pink sunset out of my bedroom window to the big things like being a mother and wife.
I'm trying really hard to just accept my current 'self' and trying hard not to judge myself but sometimes it's easy to let those critical demons in.
E.g - today I'm so ill my head feels like it's imploding so I haven't really gotten out of bed. Im trying not to think badly about still being in yesterday's pj's, not having helped with the kids homework and only having seen them to give them a kiss goodnight. Why does it matter in the big scheme of things? It will pass I will have a few 'bad' days then I'll feel well enough to make a cake with the kids, do a painting or be able to have a cuppa and a chat with a good friend and listen to their lives and maybe offer them some helpful advice.
So right now I'm not getting cross at my lengthy recovery time and the fact that I can't get back to work just yet... instead I'm going to try to remind myself and others that sometimes it's ok to just 'be' and not to judge our current life paths as you never know what's around the corner. Xxx