So today I went down a very negative mental road of asking myself 'what is the point of my existence?'
Surely at the moment I'm just a waste of the planets resources and a burden on my family, but that's not true every life has something valuable to contribute in some way and it's so important for us all to see that everyday!
I'm lucky to have caring friends and family to pull me out of it however they can't completely understand which is actually OK. How can they when I couldn't have either 4months ago, before the accident. They are what made me realise it was a very selfish thought it was and of course I had plenty of reasons for 'being' from the small things like taking pleasure in a beautiful pink sunset out of my bedroom window to the big things like being a mother and wife.
I'm trying really hard to just accept my current 'self' and trying hard not to judge myself but sometimes it's easy to let those critical demons in.
E.g - today I'm so ill my head feels like it's imploding so I haven't really gotten out of bed. Im trying not to think badly about still being in yesterday's pj's, not having helped with the kids homework and only having seen them to give them a kiss goodnight. Why does it matter in the big scheme of things? It will pass I will have a few 'bad' days then I'll feel well enough to make a cake with the kids, do a painting or be able to have a cuppa and a chat with a good friend and listen to their lives and maybe offer them some helpful advice.
So right now I'm not getting cross at my lengthy recovery time and the fact that I can't get back to work just yet... instead I'm going to try to remind myself and others that sometimes it's ok to just 'be' and not to judge our current life paths as you never know what's around the corner. Xxx
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Broken-head-girl
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Progress after brain injury is inconsistent/uncertain/frustrating but, 4 months on, you're right in continuing to allow yourself plenty of 'wobble' room while your poor brain struggles to heal.
Make good use of any support whilst it's available ; however kind and willing friends/family are there always comes a cut off point, so take every opportunity to rest whilst using exercise and healthy food to build yourself back up little by little. It's a slow process but, hopefully, you'll look back in 12 months time and see what great progress you've made.
Your post helps carers understand what someone feels like from the inside. My mum often feels frustrated and she gets cross with herself. She comes out with some very sad comments if she feels like she is a burden. I notice myself that she cheers up more if I take her out somewhere to a nice cafe when she is not too tired or to visit her sister or best friend.
If you make cakes, I assume you may like cooking when you feel up to it? I have been using Tina M Sullivan's cookbook, Nourish Your Noggin, to help my mum. The foods she recommends are nice. Avocado, ginger, dark chocolate, coconut oil. I think it is helping her. There are also some nice recipes for smoothies with berries and other fruit.
Friends and family will also be happy that you survived your accident and are still here, even if you have far to go to recover.
Pooh great tip I'll look up her cook book thanks I'm not a great baker (my latest carrot cake mush is teatiment to that lol) but it's a great way to pass the time when ur banned from tv and can't get out the house much.... my cooking can only get better which I'm sure my hubbies will appreciate xxx
She also just lists ingredients and spices you can use to do your own thing so I think people who are not accomplished cooks can try things from it. A Thai green or red curry with paste from Tesco using raw organic coconut oil to fry it fits the bill nicely. I add ginger to it as well. I've done a vegetarian version and for extra protein, sometimes add cashews. Another nice easy one is to roast sliced sweet potato in the oven with red onions, garlic cloves, cumin, flaked chili if you like it hot. I put olive oil on to make sure they do not stick to the dish and then I put a few flakes of coconut oil on it for the sweet flavor it gives and for the lauric acid (brain health). Delicious. Also nice cold later on too.
We are 'human beings' not 'human doings', as the saying goes...
When I first got ill I would rail at the same....7 years on I remember the lightbulb moment when my boys told me what fun it was to have a duvet day with their previously ever-on-the-go career-girl mum. And the one where a friend told me how nice it was to find someone who really had time to really listen. And the sorrow I feel for people that I see who really do feel that they just can't stop, not to wait at a pedestrian crossing for the lights, or to help someone pick up something they have dropped, or to share a good morning with a lonely person at the bus stop who may not speak to another soul all day.
These days I thank God for the opportunities I have has these last 7 years to be more, and do less. And for knowing how precious each day iis. Which in the end means being thankful both for my illness, and the brain aneurysm that places daily life in sharp relief each morning. It turns what others might see as 2 life- changing disasters on their head, but I prefer to dismiss the disaster tag...and revel in being in each moment of my beautifully changed life.
It took me time to get here (it takes me a long time to get anywhere these days - geographical or otherwise) but I hope you find this place of rest too.
Awww that's lovely and very true my mum treated me to a spa day this week and in the coffee lounge every single person was glued to their phone, I remember looking round thinking how alien they all looked communicating to people not there via a gadget instead of talking to the lady sat next to them!!!
I think the world has gone mad sometimes not us and how nice it is to sometimes just sit and look out the window at the birds in the garden with a hot cup of decaf tea.... I never would have had the time to have done that before.
I do hope when I better I keep taking time out to just 'be' and not get too caught up in the crazy rat race again xxxx
It does sound as though you know how to work through these negative times actually! I studied Philosophy at uni and later farmed livestock and the simple answer to your question is that any of us are only here by chance and our existence has no particular meaning in the wider scheme of things! BUT of course our lives are rather important to us and a few others along the way.
Some great points have been made above so I will just mention some practical points for you to consider. First four months is very early days - my TBI was in 1989! 'Cut yourself some slack' and listen to your brain (that amazing organ that is doing a crucial job that now must impact on your conscious mind). Cooperate with its task - don't fight it or resent its needs. Happy pills are a useful tool and I wish that I had found them sooner - but they need managing and adjusting as a tool (GPs can't know enough to do these finer adjustments and it is a slow process because of the time delays).
My children are now YPs (young people) and one is at Uni. I realise that the three dogs - two working sheep dogs and a terrier cross - make an immense contribution to my life keeping my feet on the ground. I am immobile - in bed on oxygen as the part of my brain that initiates breathing was damaged and I do not breath enough (when my blood oxygen falls I don't feel the need to breath/yawn but just to sleep). I really appreciate my computer and the Web.
Don't be afraid to analyse your feelings and identify your needs and discuss them - this is a useful way of relieving them but also you will be surprised where this leads. It is remarkable how one's loved ones appreciate something practical that they can do. Sadly some are not able to and may simply dump you - my father, brother and sister did after my mum died. That will always hurt but says something about them...
Finally I also get involved in campaigning for charities/causes mainly by drafting letters etc and following that gives me a perspective on how lucky I am.
Some very good advice and your right it completely helps to voice feelings I have stopped doing so on Facebook because I think some of my less close friends and colleagues thought I'd lost the plot so it's great to be able to do so here completely unjudged and anonymously.
I can't imagine how isolated it must feel to be immobile completely but it's brilliant that you are able to make a difference in this world from your bed with your charity work! What an inspiration! I used to run a lot of fundraising events for charities, the kids school and in my job which I hope to be able to return to.
You are an amazing lady to be persevering so well in your new 'self' and I feel a little guilty now tbh about complaining that i can't get out of bed some days so thank you for the reality check and I truly wish you all the best xxxx
What a kind reply! It is good to hear someone else's perspective. I have been though the dark valleys and do not want to sink into that again. Honestly I could not do it without the Happy Pills - they provide a cushion that protects one from the full force of feelings. You know if your dose is too high because you start not caring about things you really ought to care about! A pill cutter is essential. It is a tool that I have available and need to manage - nothing more.
Nowadays people - well perhaps women - seem willing to 'admit' that they are on these and our children/YPs are amazing! I have come to the conclusion that all children ought to be educated about stress and depression so that they are prepared and have some insight before it strikes. But I ought to say that the charity I ran was a stress helpline!
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