So, has anybody else been asked by family to help them plan your funeral in case you die?

[Danger19]

Ok, so just to add insult to injury, my family have asked me to tell them what I want when I die. Apparently when my family were told I was going to die at the hospital, they went to a funeral directors but realised they didn’t know what I wanted. So they have decided they want me to tell them now. Of course this makes me feel amazing-not!!!!

So much to my mothers disgust I’ve decided I want three songs played at my funeral. If you’ve got a sense of humour you’ll laugh at this. So I want to be carried into the church to ‘The show must go on’ by Queen because I have always adored Freddie Mercury. I want Aerosmiths ‘Don’t want to miss a thing’ played to my children. But the bit that I really hope gives you a giggle is.... I have made no secret of the fact that Keith Flint was my friend and I was there at the disused underground tube in Aldwych in London when Firestarter was filmed. It was one of the best and one of the funniest moments of my life. So I’ve decided I want to be carried out to Firestater. Anyone that knows me will know why those three songs are being played.

Being asked to do this has made me feel like c*^p!!! But I can see why. When I first regained consciousness I kept staring at the ceiling tiles thinking I was asleep, dreaming and couldn’t wake up. Then I decided that as I wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital, phone my family or see them I must be dead. I kept saying to the nurses “I know I’m dead, and my family haven’t cremated me, they’ve buried me and that’s why I’m stuck here with you and can’t leave.” Now I know if you’re reading this you’re having a good laugh coz I’m laughing too. Luckily this way of thinking only lasted a few hours.

I have to say I’m not too impressed at having to plan my own funeral after coming so close to death in January. Plus I’m only 45 so I’m hoping not to need my funeral too soon after planning it.’ But I do think my family have been through so much, I think they just want to know they can give me what I really want if it did happen.

I really hope I’ve given you all a good giggle and I wish you all a really happy Sunday.

[StrawberryCream]

Don’t be offended by being asked what you would like at your funeral. Acquiring my brain injury and being life threateningly ill, also not expected to survive, has certainly made me realise the vulnerability of life! However, I had already given, prior and unlinked to my illness, some expressed wishes about ‘if I die’ to those who would be responsible for those decisions. It is a conversation we should have regardless of our age because the reality is, that none of us, know when our lives will end and it’s not always a part of being old aged! If you prefer, along with having a Will written, you can do a Power of Attorney, in which you specify what is to happen should you for some reason be no longer able to manage your affairs, care for yourself and when you die.

[Danger19 in reply to StrawberryCream]

Hello my lovely,

Thank you for your thoughtful response. I must admit I have made a will for my children and specified that in the event of my death they are put into the care of my sister and her husband. My husband disappeared 10 years ago. My son was 3 and my daughter was born 3 weeks later. The biggest fear of my children’s is if I die and he comes back and takes them. This could not be allowed to happen as he doesn’t know my children. So at least they can relax knowing they would go to people they both really love.

I think I just never expected to be asked out right to plan my funeral, especially by my parents.

Anyway life goes on!

I wish you peace, happiness and a whole lot of luck.

Vikki

[StrawberryCream in reply to Danger19]

Yes I am a single parent to my son and likewise have specified things about his future should he still be a minor. Your parents must have been upset and very fearful when the hospital were giving the possible prognosis that you may not survive. It will have made them realise that they would have had to make the decisions for you but very much wanted to be organising what you would have wanted and chosen yourself. Don’t feel angry with them for asking you about your funeral wishes. I am sure they are not thinking wrongly by asking you about you.

[Hidden]

It really does make sense to plan what you would like - even if it seems insensitive at this time. My husband has just been buried, he chose his songs - Seasons in the Sun to go into, Bridge Over Troubled Water half way through and went out to Another one Bites the Dust.

By the way, we have discovered that you don't have to have a service in a church or a crematorium - you can do it anywhere you like. If you are planning a service for a loved one (or planning your own) you can have it at home, in a hotel, village hall, anywhere you prefer. We used a local restaurant and it was a lovely, lovely send off.

[Danger19 in reply to Hidden]

Hello my lovely,

Thank you for your kind response. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I absolutely love your husbands choice of songs especially the last one. I bet he was an amazing man. I think I’m annoyed at my parents which makes it hard to do this. I recently lost a friend who hung him self. My parents would not allow me to attend his funeral as I hadn’t been out of hospital long. But I have been to his grave and taken him a solar light so he won’t feel alone in the dark. I suppose I just need to deal with it and move on. As a specialist end of life and cancer care nurse I can see the importance of this. It’s just something I didn’t expect to be asked to do.

I wish you peace, happiness and a whole lot of luck.

Vikki

[StrawberryCream in reply to Hidden]

I like his song choices! Would suit me too ..... Although I tell my son I will have Rag n’ Bone Man’s - Don’t Put your Blame on Me ..... it’s rather apt with my son for a while now!!! I didn’t know you could have a service anywhere you choose .... so that’s something to consider...... I am just getting my Will rewritten because people are in it who can’t be anymore or have walked out of my post bi life. Also any inheritance my son receives will go into a Trust Fund to help him manage it. plus recently been exploring paying for the funeral costs up front. We just never know, do we, what our futures will be.

Hope you are ok following the loss of your husband xx

[Danger19 in reply to StrawberryCream]

It’s ok my lovely, my husband did us the best favour ever. I agree with you about the trust fund. My children will have to go through my sister to access their money before eighteen.

My family and I are all baptised Catholic so we’re not really allowed to have cremation but I’m not that bothered. I’m going to have what I want.

My adorable children have decided they want to bring me home the night before my funeral so they can spend the night with me. I thought that was so nice. I did that with my wonderful grandparents and I don’t ever regret it.

My only regret is that I couldn’t go to Keith’s funeral. But I have his music playing all the time and I have great memories. I did see him in the pub he owned in Pleashey. So it wasn’t that long since I saw him.

I really appreciate your response my friend.

I wish you a future of peace, happiness and luck.

Vikki

[Shon48]

You have certainly given me a few giggles. Love the firestarter one lol. Personally , I have had mine sorted out for quite some time and don’t find funerals a taboo subject . I have left strict instructions that there is no funeral . I’ll be cremated in between cremations or the end of the day . None of this weeping and wailing and people coming who I Hadn't seen in years . Not for me . The family will get my ashes back and I’ll be scattered beside my parents beside the sea. . I’m with your family in this one and I’m sure they will appreciate it . Hopefully they won’t need your wishes for a long long time . 🤗🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[Danger19 in reply to Shon48]

Hello my lovely,

Thank you so much for your lovely response. I know Keith would laugh his backside off at the Firestarter comment.

I know after what happened my family just want to get it right for me if something should happen. It just feels a bit soon after my accident and especially after what recently happened to Keith. But after these thoughtful responses I know it’s the right thing to do.

I wish you a whole lot of peace, happiness and good luck my friend.

Vikki

[Lynd]

Some great choices of music. I rather like sailing by. Radio 4 play it every night before the shipping forecast and as I am dozing in bed I love to hear it.

[Danger19 in reply to Lynd]

Hello my friend,

Thank you for your response. I like that song too. I have to have a Freddie Mercury song because I think he was amazing.

I wish you a lifetime of peace, happiness, good health and a whole lot of luck,

Vikki

[Kirk5w7]

You certainly gave me a giggle, thats the know nd of funeral i would like to attend. Your choices ate impeccable.

On a more serious note its a good idea to do it. My daughter is just coming up to 30 and made me aware of her preferences many many years ago. Suffice it to say ive not done mine, perhaps its something i should do.

Althought to be honest i wont know will i , in which case it will be organic sed by those who knew me and would reflect their knowledge of me.

Either way i can understand why you might be a bit put out, id be put out if anyone had been thinking of my funeral before i was even dead!!!!

Janet x

[Danger19 in reply to Kirk5w7]

Hello my lovely,

Thank you for your lovely response. I remember being there for the filming of Firestarter and I loved and remember every second of it.

I can now see why they have asked me but it doesn’t mean I like it.

Mind you I think my parents think I might top myself. They’ve taken all the rope, really sharp knives, all medications and other stuff from my house, which is a bit odd. I’d never do that to my children. Oh well, my mate Keith will be having a good laugh at this one.

I wish you a lifetime of peace, happiness, good health and luck.

Vikki

[john-boy-92]

Whatever our state of health, our families should know what funeral arrangements we would like. I've been in four medical situations that could have been final. At the last, the Consultant wanted to ring my wife at 1:15 am as they wanted to sedate me, and put me on respiratory support in the ICU. I refused to let them call her and refused to be sedated. When I was stable and recovering well they told me that I had been close to death. None of us should need to discuss our funerals when we need to fight to remain on this earth, and place more strain on our families.

[Danger19 in reply to john-boy-92]

Hello my lovely,

Thank you so much for your response. I’m so sorry that you have been so unwell. As a nurse I know that they don’t consider respiratory support easily.

After a long think and all the thoughtful responses I’ve been sent I’m beginning to come round to the idea.

I think because my friends death was not long ago. It just felt a bit raw.

I wish you a lifetime of peace, happiness, good health and a whole lot of luck.

Vikki

[john-boy-92 in reply to Danger19]

Hi Vikki; thank you for your good wishes. The positive aspect of that incident was that the clinical team wrote a paper on my condition, and that was selected as "Case of the quarter" by the Royal College of Physicians, Edinburgh. Given that the usual outcome was death or a lung transplant, there is now greater awareness that although rare (6 in 100,000 has been quoted), dronedarone can cause pulmonary toxicity. In my case I was twice wrongly diagnosed on general wards as having community acquired pneumonia and discharged, although the lung sounds were in a different location from those caused by pnuemonia, and that was compounded by x-rays showing two masses in my lungs. I was lucky to be admitted to the North Bristol Lung Centre and have my scans examined by Professor Ann Miller. On the night that I was on the verge of going critical, her deputy was on duty, along with experienced night staff who quickly recognised that I was deteriorating. Add in to that undiagnosed peritonitis that wasn't operated on for hours, an undiagnosed femoral hernia that was found during surgery on bilateral inguinal hernias that the CCG would not fund for surgery, a stroke were the ambulance team didn't "blue light" me for an hour, with a subsequent event that was either a hemorrhagic transformation or a subarachnoid hemorrhage but thought by a GP to be a reaction to Apixaban (my brillaint Consultant Nuerologist was on holiday and organised an emergency CT the day she returned). You can see why it's good to plan for your funeral !

[Danger19 in reply to john-boy-92]

Hello my lovely,

Cor you have certainly been through it. The fact that you write so positively is a credit to you.

I’m seriously wishing you a lifetime of peace, happiness, good health and luck my friend.

Vikki

[WinB]

When I was told what happened to me I thought of my funeral etc. and was looking through songs that meant a lot to me, My Daughter said "be cremated Mum" so I decided that I'll have played "there'll be a hot time in the old town tonight. Then I found lots of other sites where people were laughing about what happened to them, I realised there is a life after a brain bleed. We are survivors and after all our body is just a shell we have used while we are here. If there is a life after death I want a better figure next time. Cheer up love Plump Win xxxx But having something serious happen to you makes you think about what matters in life and a short sweet funeral would help my daughter to grieve and then remember our fun times we had together, I hope lol xxxx

[Danger19 in reply to WinB]

Hello my lovely,

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I had to laugh at you choice of song. I did consider Johnny Cash ‘Ring of Fire’ but I settled for my friends song Firestarter.

Mind you I did have to laugh yesterday because I remembered when my friend Keith sent me a really funny message. He sent me a song. I had just had my bipolar diagnosis and he sent a message that said “Vikki, they have finally wrote a song about you.’ When I played the song it was Dizzee Rascals song ‘Bonkers.’ I had a real good laugh at that and loved it because he still valued our friendship. At the moment the thought of that keeps me going.

I wish you a whole lot of peace, happiness, good health and luck.

Vikki

[54Apple54]

My step daughter has just buried her mother who was an Alcoholic and died of lung cancer and as an only child this burden was only eased by her mum providing a burial plan which was already paid for and a small life insurance which covered the out of pocket expenses, this has definitely given me incentive to organise my own funeral and at the age of 56 your never to young to plan for the inevitable time of departing this world😀🙏🏽

[Danger19]

Hello my lovely,

I know everyone including you my friend are right. I should make it easier for my family especially my children. They have all said how hard it was when the hospital staff kept telling them I would definitely die and they had no idea of what I wanted. Thank you for your response. I’m sorry about your wife, my aunt died at 45 from alcoholism and trying to help her and having to watch it was so hard.

I wish you a lifetime of peace, happiness, good health and luck.

Vikki

[AsaRiften]

I have a life-limiting condition which means my condition (or more the treatment that keeps alive) will kill me. My wife and i talk very openly about my dying and my wishes. We know what we both want if we are in the position to chose where i am at the end. We know what we want if its a sudden thing and we have funeral stuff decided. When you talk about it more it becomes less of an akward subject (i mean every single person dies at some point, i’m just lucky because i know it will happen sooner rather than later ehich means i get to plan what i want). Planning stuff makes it easier for my family, it means theydont have to make choices they are unsure of, and it means i still have control of my life even when it ends.

[Danger19]

Hello my lovely,

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me. I am so sorry to know what you and your family are dealing with. I do know as a specialist end of life and cancer nurse the importance of telling family what you would like and planning ahead. I think it’s just that knowing I came so close to death and then my friend taking his own life just made me feel really awkward at having to actually think about it. Even though my patients die usually within days or weeks of coming into contact with me I am terrified of death. Yes it’s ridiculous but it really scares me.

I really do appreciate that you have shared this information with me. I wish you and your family peace, happiness and a whole lot of luck my friend.

Vikki