well just as things are on the up they come crashing down

well don't know were to start ,am crying so much,last night my hubby decided he will have a violent go at my son,i went into the thick of it to protect my son only for hubby to turn on me :{ my poor son is now nursing a black eye :{ I knew he was getting aggressive at time but never did I ever think he would ever do this. I no longer see the man I married ,why did they just give me this man I don't know :{ am torn in 2 I really feel like this is the end and I really carnt take anymore,after all we been throu and now this I have told my son to stay at a friends house as I don't want him at risk again

oh god were do I go from here I know I have a duty to my hubby but my mind is telling me to run

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  • hi rose warned you of the possibility months ago. i was the same, the doc wanted to put me on anti depressants, told him where he could stick them and how far!!!

    then he suggested epilim, having worked in the care profession before my stroke, i knew that epilim was used as a mood stabilizer, it works for me, although i still have my outbusts but no where near or as aggressive as they used to be.

    there mustve been a reason for your husband to have flipped, i find it hard to believe that your son is totally innocent in all of this.

    people need to learn to back off. if a stroke survivor says no then accept it, dont go on trying to persuade them otherwise, thats just one example of how out of the blue for what what to you may seem like no reason, a stroke survivor will explode and become violent or verbally aggressive.

  • I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I'm afraid I don't remember the details of your situation but reading this post I think you need to seek some professional help and support for your family.

    Regardless of whether someone did something to provoke this violent reaction or not, this needs to be managed before someone gets seriously hurt and while a certain amount of leeway given to a BI survivor is good, they are not the only ones who suffer, it affects and unbalances the whole family.... and a family cannot live unsupported in the long term always walking on eggshells and in fear of physical harm. The emotional toll is just too much also.

    Please speak to Headway or to your local support system or your GP... anyone so that you can get help for your husband who is clearly suffering, but also the support you and your son need too. There may be some practical help that you can access as well as emotional support in a safe place.

  • I am desperately sorry to read this :-(

    I had no choice but to separate from my brain injured husband last year.. I had a nervous breakdown after trying to save my marriage (to a man I didn't recognise) for 4 years.

    We also have a daughter who was conceived before the accident & was born afterwards.

    I really do feel your pain.

    Something I used to do a lot .. was ask myself what the old husband would say to you right now, what advice would he give you??

    Your child's safety is always priority...x

    Are you getting any support yourself?

    Life is so cruel isn't it? I miss the man I married every single day of my life & I expect you do too xxx

  • Think you know the answer the duty to protect yourself and your son far out weighs any duty to your husband put your selfcand your son out of harms way then worry about your husband .

  • My son is 20

  • Life can be so unfair can't it Rose. But you are where you are and only you can decide whether this is the last straw or yet another challenge to be faced.

    I would never normally make excuses for violence but we all know that brain injury can blur the rules sometimes. I never used to have aggressive tendencies but, since the SAH, my emotions are on a knife edge.

    So if something hurts me I can no longer express my feelings verbally (lost for words). So my heart races and the feeling of frustration is overwhelming but, being female, any anger is directed inward and usually ends in a fit of tears.

    You both need help don't you. You might want to start by seeking the help from the agencies suggested by others, and also contacting this organisation who have an excellent reputation for supporting people like yourself :-

    carersuk.org/

    0808 808 7777

    I hope you can get through this Susan ; after everything else you've come through you deserve some peace and happiness in your lives.

    Scott needs to know that you will have him removed from the home in the event of any further violent behaviour. He needs to fully appreciate that you will not and SHOULD not have to endure aggressiveness from him.

    Please let us know how this situations pans out. Love and all best wishes, Cat xx

  • Hi IrishRose. Here is our local domestic abuse helpline number here in Lincolnshire 01427 616219 - that is Lincolnshire-wide. They will help you to make the right decision for you and offer you the support you need to get through this. Please do ring.

  • thank you all so much things were bought on by my 20 year old son not paying rent and knowing we was only living on £89 a week as you can see this came to a head with him and his dad spencer my son was back chatting him and told him to fuck off,that was it scott blew his top ,I went in the middle of it only to get a mouthful of abuse off scott my hubby,i don't care that there was a argument ,he should never try and hurt my kids even thou they are big kids ,scott went to bed after I had hold of him were he slept most of the next day,i did talk to him and he did say he had enough of our son taking piss, I told him that he will be out if I ever see another out burst like that,he did agree I have also told him he needs to apolgies to spencer ,and I said that he may never talk to him again after that,he just said so be it

    I have also made a doctors appointment for him :{

  • My god Susan, if I'm ever up-against-it I want you on my side !

    I can understand how these things can escalate to loss of tempers but it looks like you're nipping it in the bud. Well done for taking control ! I hope you'll get the help you need from the GP.

    Thinking of you............. Cat xx

  • So sorry to hear your story, it must be so difficult for you all. I can't add anything that hasn't already been said but well done you for trying your best to deal with it all. xx

  • Oh dear. I have no advice at all but I do send you loads of hugs xxx

  • Hi Irish Rose. I have just been reading about your problem with Scott's violence. If you read my story on here 6 weeks ago you will know that my husband had a massive violent episode. It was obviously wrong of Scott to let the situation get so out of hand but can I put the other side of this for a moment. Violence is never the answer to anything but for someone with a BI it is often hard to deal with problems in the right way. As you have money problems, Scott may be worrying more than you realise but is unable to voice his concerns in a normal way. He probably feels that a 20 year old should help towards the cost of his keep if he is able to. To some extent this is a problem between most families with adult children, not particularly because of the bi. Paying for their keep is often a big confrontation in families. Scott needs help to deal with his emotions to see that violence is never acceptable and maybe your son needs to understand the difficulty and worry for you both of being so short of money that life is so hard. Having such animosity between the two of them is doing no=one any good. You all need to pull together to try to manage the best you can. I know you live in a very rural area, but is it possible for Scott to get some counselling with Headway (perhaps even chatting over the phone with a counsellor if he cannot get there in person) to help him deal with his frustration.

    I am not the one in my family with the bi but I can see how frustrated my husband gets when he is no longer considered the 'head of the family' but when most decisions here are made without him and when he cannot do as he wants. I am sure Scott is so confused in his brain, it must be so difficult for him.

    Life for you with them at loggerheads all the time must be so hard. Is it possible for one of your older children to sit down with them both and try to come to some arrangement so that they can exist together without all the aggravation. It would make day to day life so much more pleasant for you all.

    I am thinking of you and sending you all my good wishes.

    Jan