Dark thoughts

[Beccagoodison]

Hello hope all is well

I recently got a part time job to fill some of my time in the summer. After my TBI I felt like life was pointless and I didn't deserve a place on Earth. Sometimes I really wished I was dead. I never thought about taking my own life but at the same time I didn't want to live.

So once I got a job I thought this would change and over the last few weeks I have started to feel more positive. But over the last few days those dark thoughts have being returning. Before I just bottled them up. It took a lot of courage to tell my family but I don't think they took me seriously. I never had a way of coping with those feelings. So I just wondered if anyone else had felt like that and had learnt to cope. If so please share how you deal with it

Thank you in advance.

[Ghost-on-point]

Been there at various times. I don't personally think I fit in society but we embellish them, odd. From basic Life ingredients too the harder to find ( relationships) we must endeavour to find small Happy seasonings, no bother how weird or simple. I skateboard, otherwise my time after would only be with my permanent friend, the TV. Music is my medication. forget to strive for " green time" amougst nature. August will check out wilderness & hopefully tick off a childhood itch, gold panning. It takes awhile to realise / remember feel good factor things. But this HW forum is an instant relief, reading others battles & rescues. I'm even thinking of buying a "hoose" near gold areas to chill / distract my brain when ever.

I have about a Year in a Black hole experience that I don't really know off. Didn't speak All day and was in New deaths of personal Oblivion alone. Not One person asked if I was ok..

I watch people & pets for fluffy feelings & go to cat café, as people are approachable. My only source of conversation outside work.

Anyhow find & seek / note down things that make you smile, laugh, sing. YouTube is great.

Don't forget yourself & The Help Here. Hope my Ramblings make some sense & not offensive.

[Beccagoodison in reply to Ghost-on-point]

Thank you! I will try to focus on the things that make me smile

[Hidden]

Hi Becca since starting this new job have you been more tired? The reason I ask is when I feel fatigued I tend to feel overwhelmed with things and particularly when I'm asleep and have fatigue i sometimes get a foreboding feeling like something bad is going to happen. When I don't have fatigue I'm fine ....I just wondered if it might be similar to what you're experiencing. X

[Beccagoodison in reply to Hidden]

It depends when my shifts are but yes in general it does make me more tired

[moo196]

Hi,

Oh, I know what you mean.

I'm not going to write masses here, but two things in particular that have helped me lots since my illness are 1- my bike ...I go for a ride when I feel this bad. Doesn't solve everything of course, but sometimes makes me feel just a tad better.

2- remembering the saying.."suicide is a long term solution to a short term problem". Somehow this appeals to my logic

Hope you find things that resonate with you ☺

[Beccagoodison in reply to moo196]

I find that swimming kinda helps me. But when feeling down I will remember that saying. Thank you

[moo196 in reply to Beccagoodison]

swimming is another " go to " remedy - but since I live in a small village my bike is slightly more accessible

[Julesgettingthere]

Hi, its just jules here,

I am just 'passing though' and saw your post and wanted to quickly respond.

Yes i am the same with this mood, mine has never gone away - i learn to plod through it. With me, i think its because i look at life and what it actually is far deeper and far more honestly to myself about the pros and cons of life since my crash.

Life is a frightening thing when we are intelligent enough to predict the future on some basic facts.

I never ever understood the expression 'ignorance is bliss' i do now. I wish i was still ignorant and happy about it.

I am looking for something i am good at and/or something that makes me happy now. But on a positive note, i do have a burning feeling (sometimes) there is something incredible i am going to find/do at some stage.

Jules

x

[cat3 in reply to Julesgettingthere]

Jan and I are worried about you m'love. Please give one of us a shout when you can.................. xxx

[Beccagoodison in reply to cat3]

Thank you both for your kind words. I am really trying hard to focus on the good things in my life

[Pat-rick1]

It’s been a while since I have been here, but reading your message has alarm bells going off, I also got a job a few months ago part time to fill the boredom and bad thoughts, fatigue is a big issue for me, just keep telling yourself it will pass because it does just be strong that all you can do x

[Beccagoodison in reply to Pat-rick1]

Thank you I'm sure it will pass just got to keep trying to be positive

[cat3]

I'm aware of all the natural alternatives and have tried many, but my dark thoughts were unresponsive to anything other than medication.

And I'm forever thankful that this route was available to me as, decades ago, it literally saved my life. I still get 'down' periods, like everyone does, but they're manageable and temporary.

I hope you'll find your own particular form of relief Becca, from what is an intolerable, yet invisible, health issue.

All best wishes, Cat x

[Beccagoodison in reply to cat3]

It just makes me feel better talking about these things on here as people understand what I'm going through

[cat3 in reply to Beccagoodison]

Keep talking Becca ; it can be a powerful therapy ! xx

[Beccagoodison in reply to cat3]

I will try. Thank you for all the help

[Hidden]

Hi Becca, as usual cat3 gives wise and caring advice! I endured bouts of these feelings for many years after my TBI and finally went on anti-depressants (or 'Happy Pills' as I call them!) 3 or 4 years ago - much to the relief of my husband and two children. I have explained in other comments the process needed to fine-tune the right SSRI at the right dose - and it really does need close monitoring and management! But it is my cushion - giving me space to live and address my 'challenges'! It also demonstrates that these feelings are temporary and can be banished. So don't suffer but see your GP and get started.

[Beccagoodison in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I think I will go and see my docotr