just a quick moan, sorry.

[Jonty77]

I thought I’d have a quick moan here to save my family having to listen to it, they could do with a break😀

I have been really excited and motivated to get the garden ready for spring. It feels nice to be excited and motivated about something. I went outside this morning and pottered about for 45minutes tidying a few things up and moving some things around. I decided I would stop and have a rest and a snack before I got fatigued. So far so good. Doing all the things I need to do, setting realistic expectations and managing my fatigue. Setting myself up for success. You’re wondering when the ‘but’ is coming aren’t you? Well here it is.

After my rest I go back outside and in less than 20 minutes I’m lying on the damp grass absolutely shattered. My head feels so heavy it feels all wobbly and my legs feel like they have rubber bands squeezing them. Today I just feel so frustrated and defeated by this, I’m fed up of it. Do you remember when you could spend the whole day in the garden and slump on the sofa in the evening, shattered, but in a good, satisfying way? I really miss what I used to be capable of.

I know I’m meant to be focusing on and celebrating what I have achieved rather what I haven’t, but today I just want to be grumpy about it rather than shining a sh*t.

Thanks for letting me grumble, I already feel a bit better getting it off my chest. It’s comforting to know you are all out there somewhere sharing these experiences and feelings. Have a good day.

[cat3]

I've always been a keen gardener and know, all too well, the sheer exhaustion and satisfaction after an 'all day' stint-

No surprise you had a kick-back today though despite moderating yourself. You had extensive injuries little more than 12 months ago ; some will have healed but your complex brain will still be struggling. No need for apology.

I've found myself having sudden attacks of fatigue bang in the middle of my most optimistic moments. When the brain decides it's time to stop, and we don't, the exhaustion just prolongs.

The one step forwards/several steps back is a classic brain injury issue. Try some light pottering and build up again.

I sometimes think it's the cognitive exertion of enthusiasm which wipe us out the most !

Take care.. x

[Jonty77 in reply to cat3]

Yes, the sucker punch of ‘cognitive exertion of enthusiasm!’ what a great phrase. I had lunch and a nap and then my daughter came out and helped me do a little bit more so I could finish on a positive note. I do have a very supportive, wise and understanding family; one of them usually comes to my rescue and we had a really nice time sharing a few tasks.

I’m feeling a lot better about it now, it is what it is and it could be worse (that old chestnut). I can just veg out now for the rest of the day and take care of myself. Thanks for your kind words.

[cat3 in reply to Jonty77]

Oh it's good you salvaged the day together with your daughter. It sounds like you had a nice afternoon after all..

Another step forwards Jonty !

It's MOT time for me tomorrow ; not looking forward to the complicated route to the garage in the rush hour, but it's worth it to have such a trustworthy guy.

Take care.. x

[Insaneinthemembrain]

Hi Jonny, the fatigue is just awful isn’t it! You have these wonderful moments where you feel ‘normal’ again and head out to do something and it all goes down hill so quickly.

I find the hardest part is communicating this exhaustion to others.. they just don’t understand at all how utterly awful it feels and it makes you feel very fed up as well.

Keep going.. you’re doing fab! Sending enthusiastic hugs to you 😁

[Teazymaid]

yea can relate to all you have said 😢 for me it has got better ( unbelievable better) over the 3 years to the point I rarely need a sleep during the day . I do get exhausted but recover after a few days .. with the two ops on my shoulders I’m more physical able but the downside is my legs are taking the brunt of me doing too much 🫤 who knows ? I’m very fed up at the mo like you as I used to do the boom and bust with the exhaustion bit ( that worked for me ) but this now is just painful .. so this is too long but like you just want life to be better again .😢 so sorry your feeling the same …😢 it is shit 😢. Sue

[skydivesurvivor]

been sitting on my patio planning spring, what has to be done! The same all winter! Lack the desire to actually do it still!! Put kettle on & smoke instead!!…oh to be motivated!!

[WonderingWanda]

it seems we are not alone. You described it well. Mostly I can focus on the good stuff but every now and then I have a cry because I am fed up with feeling hungover or below par ALL of the time.

I remember days like you describe when I had ridden 120km and had that wonderful deep sleep of the physically tired! Now my trainer gathers dust most days.

It will get a bit better….

[skydivesurvivor]

look out at mine, form a plan…. Sod it! Put the kettle on!! Was always falling over til they actually removed the metal work from leg, not happened s- ssshhh!! Don’t temp fate!! Sorry kettles whistling!! Have a good WARM day✌🏻

[catrabb1t]

Hi Jonty can I join you in a moan about the same thing! It is so frustrating getting stopped and then feeling so bad. It is a proper recovery afterwards. I also get very hot. I am still having to sleep for a few hours every day and my life is very slow paced. I want to begin listening to a relaxing meditation every day with hope the extra relaxation will bring some overall benefit... I am not good at starting new things or keeping to a routine so it is still a plan that has not begun!

Look on the bright side you made a start on your garden which you can build on. Your plans for it will happen I am sure. You have a passion for it and thats really good

You seem to have learned a time limit that you can spend doing such a physical task. To help your brain it might be worth splitting the amount of time in to 2 or 3 chunks and having a few short rests within that time frame. meaning - do not do the work in one full stretch. And when the full time is reached do not exceed it by spending more time doing it even if you feel good. Doing it this way for a few MONTHS might bring a gradual ability for you to spend a bit longer doing it in the future. If not, you will feel better for the bite sized chunks of activity and not exceeding your limit and your recovery time will be less painstaking...

Doing physical things in bite sized chunks is such a flow killer and is so frustrating. There's nothing better to be getting on with something. But it seems we cannot avoid it if we want to feel as well as we can. I rest such a lot...it is horrible.

[Jonty77 in reply to catrabb1t]

I recently found some meditations on YouTube called yoga nidra. It’s called non sleep deep rest but for me it is not non sleep. I have found them really good. And I do feel good when I finish one. I stick to 20-30 minutes because if I fall asleep for too long in one go I feel groggy rather than refreshed. I also sometimes use something called a Shakti mat, which if you look them up you’ll think lying on one can’t be relaxing but it really is. Maybe one of those suggestions can get you started. Good luck.

[catrabb1t in reply to Jonty77]

Thanks Jonty. I will look up the meditation. I usually fall asleep wit them so we will see. Aldi had the Shakti mats in a few years ago and I picked one up to buy, deliberated and put it down! Interesting - they have good feedback. Thanks!

I read today that we can sow sweet peas in February so I might try that...if i do it it will be a miracle as I am not green fingered but you must get a lot of pleasure from seeing your plants grow.