My boyfriend and I are both 23 years old, we been together for 5 years. My boyfriend got into a street bike accident on August 27 2018. He had suffered from a traumatic brain injury. He cracked the life side of his skull. The Drs has shown us scans of most of his left and some of his right, saying the those parts are cell brain damaged. He does open his eyes, looks around and is very curious of things. He does not walk, but can feel from his legs, he does move his toes and legs somewhat. He Left arm is able to grab and pick up things. He does have a trike, so he is unable to talk. He is not following commands either at this time. From August 27 to the October 1 He was fighting other issues in the brain. He had cerebral spinal fluid build up in his head, they had to do surgery to let it out. He needed a shunt because it wasn’t properly draining, the shunt got infection, so they took it out, and put a external one. He had to take antibiotics because the infection was in the cerebral fluid. On nov 27 they finally put back the skull to see if it would help with the drainage, so it does not build up in his head. After his surgery they did ct the next day, now he was draining to much spinal fluid. So they took the external drain out. Did a ct scan a few days after, and everything is going wonderful. I was at the hospital every day for 2 months and 2 weeks with him. I changed him, massaged him, exercised him, played music for him, did aromatherapy for him, make sure he always has cream on his but to stay away from bed sores. He is the love of my life, so I’m doing everything I can. But on oct 2 me and his mother got into a argument. She has kicked me out and banned me from seeking him. From what I last herd from his cousin, he is still not following commands. I’m worried about his care physicals and mentaly. I’m worried if he will even remember me. But I thank god, everyday for letting him be here to fight! Anyone have advice, similar relations, or even suffered from a tbi?
At this point (not yet 2 months post brain injury) it's still really early days ; progress can be so slow as to be imperceptible to onlookers, but that doesn't mean it's not happening 'within'.
I hope you can reconcile your differences with your BF's mother and help in coaxing him back to you and his family.
I had a haemorrhage 6 years ago and remember nothing of the first month and very little of the second. Give it much more time before expecting more promising signs of recovery m'dear. Sincere best wishes for better days ahead for all of you. Cat x
Omg Im so sorry. The mother is a class A asshole. I have been with my man for 9 years and been by his side everyday since his TBI which was in April. I am SO SO SO sorry this has happened. Don't give up. You are a part of his life and he knows this. I can relate so much because I do everything as well. See if you can fake nice with her just to see him. I wish him a good and healthy recovery and so much luck to you. please keep us updated. Good Luck
Thankyou so much for replying back to me. I tried being nice to her! I texted her stating can we talk? Can we move forward from this? And she doesn’t budge. Did you boyfriend remember you when he woke up. Did he ask for, when he became more conscious? What am I to expect with the early stages of a tbi?
My fiancé has a trach too so sadly he cant talk yet but Ive gotten them to finally pay attention enough to give him a speaking valve so hes only tried it like 2 times because he has a lot of saliva. He has to manage it first then I think it would be easier to help him. So everyone is different and my man stayed in a coma for about 3 weeks. Everything started real slow. I played classical music, jazz, his favorite music, meditation music, brainwave music. I recorded myself speaking to him and all that. I do believe it all helped. Basically it started with him moving his toes and foot then later his head, etc. It is a long process but never give up on him which I know you wont. After that he started moving his hand ( only his right side so far) and I then started asking questions to see if he understood and he does. Now he can write his abc, and answer math questions I have known for a while he was in there and understood I just need to prove it to other ppl. I just posted about this. Its ok if he cant do things now ( your bf) just take time and have patience its alot trust me I know. But always motivate him. As long as he is tracking thats good. His mind is really trying
I’ve been away from him for two weeks. When I was there with him he was tracking, somewhat. But no following commands. I’m so worried about him now, that I can give him the love, care, and stimulation he needs. His mother doesn’t do any of that. I just really want him to start talking and be aware. So I can come back!!! I love him so much! I just want to be there to take care of him.
Yea its gonna take a lot of time. The trach itself can take weeks to months so far for Tony its been 7 months. Be patient as hard as it is. Just find a way to get to your BF you have to you are all he has in terms of helping and knowing you know.
I had a TBI in France back in 2014. Bashed the right hand side of my head which did of course cause bleeding and swelling on the left. They cut half my skull off and put me in a come for a couple of weeks. I was only in hospitals for 2mths, but it took me 2-3yrs to recover my mentally, and I will of course never be exactly the same. I am still married to my wife, and my two daughters still possess a PTSD thanks to me! Good luck x
Oh wow did you get a trach? How are you now. I have been with my fiance dealing with his TBI since April. I have been by his side for 9 years and I always will. Are you okay now? Sorry for so many questions I JUSTNEED some answers thanks and more power to you and your family
Yes my boyfriend has a trach now. I don’t know to much information right now about him because his mother blocked me from all care and information. I’m hanging in there waiting for him to wake up more, so he can look for me.
Hi half my skull is titanium now, which is fine apart from the Airport😄 I’m fine restarted my Insurance Broker Business last Oct, had to reconstruct parts of my brain for 3yrs prior to that. I wrote a book as part of that and I’d recommend you read it as it covers my wife as much as me. She kept a diary which covered my medical complications as much as her own challenges. You can only read it on a Kindle or the Kindle App, and it will only cost you 99p, for Headway’s benefit. It is ‘D.T.B.I........who am I’ my author name is GD Porter. I think that might help you👍🏻
Hiya sorry to hear this love I’ve had a tbi from a Rd traffic accident tooo! But from a car, relationship things are messed right up with tbi , I’ve got x2 wee kids to my ex but your
BF was sooooo! Lucky to have someone care for him. BIG TIME! Don’t give UP, maybes hopefully he can learn to write. And communicate with you, are u in the uk? I’m in Scotland where there’s nowt but in England there hundreds of PLACES that cld help him.
I'm sorry to hear about your boyfriend and all your going through, I will keep you both in prayers. My darling sometimes we get a second chance in life and believe me all our loved ones around will realize even his parents life is to precious to waste on arguments or whatever, its only hurting him. and soon they will realize that as he comes through this.
I was also in the same exact similar situation , as I began this thread just yesterday it has really helped me to understand I'm not the only one going through this. and believe me I have a different perspective on life and people.
On 08/07/2018 I suffered a Subarachnoid Hemorrhage ( Ruptured Brain Aneurysm) It just came about all of a sudden , I was ready to go to work that morning and before I knew in a matter of seconds its was like grenade bombs going off in my head, When I tell you its the worst headache in your life you can experience, it really is, , well I had exactly 18 mins time frame before they got me to the Hospital that is actually the time frame they explain in Medical terms when an Aneurysm explodes, I remember screaming like no other and my husband happen to be home by a miracle due to he is never home at that time in the morning , he leaves before me, That day he was late and there was a purpose and reason for that. or I wouldn't be here telling my story. I was taken to hospital within 6 mins. due to I live 2 miles from there. and they immediately had to take in a team and start to drain the Cerebral fluid because it was mixed in with the blood just like your boyfriend. because the pressure in my head or brains was too much. They started that and within several hours they ambulated me to a trauma hospital while I was a little stable and performed a 6hour surgery.
During surgery they found 2 other Aneurysm and they didn't know how to handle it due to were they were at. they told my family I only had 25% of survival and they were sorry. The next day My Nuero surgeon had a plan and talked with my family and asked there permission to go back into my brain and do surgery again . There plan was to place a pipeline metal between the other 2 aneurysm and stop them from growing and go back 3 months later and do an Angiogram to see how it looked. Well they did that and they placed an external Drain out also like your boyfriends and it was so much they try to shut it down every so often due to the extreme headaches I was having then infection arose. they tried the experiment 4 times before they were deciding to place a shunt also . well by the 4 time like I said they gave it one more chance and by the grace of God it worked my dear.
Well now the drain was working great and no Shunt. Amen...…. After 4 weeks of ICU omg they pulled out the external Drain and did stiches on me to close it up. I started feeling so much better they took out all the tubes and everything , My friends and family couldn't believe it. to this day. Well I have very short memory loss but its coming back slowly. at my 5th week I was on a wheel chair then I upgraded to a walker and now a cane. I did Rehab therapy in a Rehab Clinic for 3 weeks and started walking again and my balance came back slowly after 4 weeks too. They discharged me 3 week ago and under Rehab Care Facility for Physical Rehab and Occupational and Speech therapy. And that's were I'm at now as outpatient, I'm not released to drive yet until the Doctors clear me. But if you see were I was and were I am now its a living Miracle.
So what I am trying to say is never loose Hope or Quit. Its a process , but its a journey so we can take a look at were life is and how so we can evaluate our life's better and not take it for granted and we all become a better person even his family, they will realize how they almost lost him but how you were there for him too. They are just resenting the fact that he's suffering so let them have their space and if you could see him when their not around and let your boyfriend know that no matter what you will never forsake him.
In my life I had a sister who didn't speak to me for 3 years and my husband family didn't talk to him I tell you they all came to their knees and finally we are a unified family. We cannot wait for Christmas this year.
I pray and hope your boyfriend comes through this and his family finally realizes.
I wish there is a way I can send you photos . Give it time my dear its a process.... And as Memory I remembered all my family and friends just short term like if they came to see me sometimes the next week I couldn't remember that. OMG I wish I can give you a hug..... I suffer from depression and loneliness now, but then again its only been close to 3 months for me.
Hi, was just thinking of you and how your partner is doing these days , Hope all is going well. Keep praying.
We are currently looking for a place for him to start physical therapy in the states. We are from Hawaii
Hello I don't have similar experience, I am a TBI survivor. But I know how hard it was to support me when I was so sick. I just wanted to say the love you are showing for your boyfriend is a credit to you. I would spend a little time reflecting and giving yourself some rest and relaxation. You need your strength and mental health. Then I would maybe write to his mum. Give a balanced description understanding her side too. You are both very protective of him and love him dearly. Try to find opportunity to combine those strengths to support him. It will involve compromise from both though, Good luck.
Hello. It's sad to read the negative experiences that you had. I know it's not easy as a large part of my skull was broken off when I was 6 years old and I was in life support for 3-4 weeks. I needed help with everything as my left arm was paralyzed, I couldn't walk, I lost my voice, I got (and still have) facial paralysis for half my face...I needed special tuition, physiotherapy, electrotherapy and much more. I needed to learn how to do everything again including learning to walk again and even going to the toilet.
If there was something I'd like to tell u specifically it would b to b patient n not to give up. You are not alone. Things take time n effort but I hope u will get through. All the best
Hi, I know this reply is really late but my boyfriend just got hit head on by a GMC Yukon in my 2 door Nissan Altima after they crossed 4 lanes of traffic and hit him on January 2nd, 2024. He had 3 brain bleeds and a mild DAI. I had purposely never met his Mom until that day. I walked in the ER like I was supposed to be there. He lived with me. Nobody stayed that. So I did. I could tell his Mom was irritated that I stayed because she was more worried about whether or not the ICU knew that I wasn't family than me telling her they found a DAI on his brain. I still showed up every day only for her to give me an excuse. On Friday the 5th his ex girlfriend showed up and she purposely started on me in the ICU waiting room. She had been so cruel to him in the passed I couldn't hold my tongue and his Mom had finally agreed to let me see him and stay. After his ex and I got into she said that I couldn't see him, and couldn't stay that night and told us both to leave. I respected her but his ex didn't and stayed until visiting hours were over. I got to see him the next day because no one else was waiting and the ICU gave me a pass to go back. He was off of the ventilator and his eyes were open but his Mother blocked me with her body so he couldn't see and he didn't know he was in the world. I got to stay about 2 minutes and she said that weekend was family only. She started texting me back when I would check on him and saying give him a couple of days, give me a few days. January 8th was the last she responded to me. His Dad and kids love me but nobody would go against her. She said mentioning me would agitate him. His Dad said when he did mention me when all the tubes were in his throat his eyes would widen and light up. It was the 2nd week when all tubes were removed but his mind wasn't right. He was still asking everyone to use their phone and trying to call me but his brain couldn't hit the right numbers and of course his Mom wouldn't help him. Physically he healed like a beast and he was in physical rehab talking by week 3. I still hadn't seen him since January 7th. But his Mom continued making excuses to family members if I said that I was coming. I checked on him everyday and the Wednesday before his discharge I went to take him his phone. Then and only then did his Mom have the staff say I wasn't allowed to visit, or be there, and I needed to leave. His Mom and his Ex had maliciously rooted me out, lied when he asked and said they hadn't heard from me, and convinced him that he was still with his ex. He was released last Friday February 2nd to his Ex Girlfriend. She works from home, physical therapy is going in home and she isn't getting him a phone. I've cried more in a month than I normally would in years. I don't know what to do but accept it until he can walk and go places on his own. His Dad and son's can't get a minute alone to try to remind him that he was with me and let him know I never stopped trying to see him. All of his friends want to tell him or call the police for abusing a TBI patient but they can't get close to him. How long am I supposed to wait and what if he never comes back? He's in a wheelchair stuck with a person who is insane enough to do all of this. So my boyfriend's Mom stole him from me Smh. K do hope things worked out better for you. K do have his bank card locked so she can't blow his money. I'm thinking she won't last long taking care of everything but I'm heartbroken
THAT IS SO FUCKED UP! I'm going through something similiar, but I can only imagine what the hell you and your partner are going through! My heart feels for you. I am so sorry you guys are going through this
Hello Hidden, I had a brain injury way back in 1999 and have to say that I can completely relate to what has happened to you regarding the Mother's reaction. My accident happened overseas but when I returned to the UK it took my mother less than two weeks to verbally attack my girlfriend of the time and after two weeks she threw us both out of her house. I would like to say that this was her immediate reaction only but sadly she continued in the same vein for the first few difficult years following my accident. I now live overseas and kind of went overseas to get away from her. I am married but on our last visit to the UK, 7 years ago, she also fell out with my wife. So, sorry, maybe the accident I had led to her behaving this way or maybe my mother is just a very unpleasant person but one thing you definitely learn after an injury of this magnitude is who the people you thought cared for you really are. My mother is still alive but our relationship, if that is the right thing to call it, has never really recovered so I lost my mother in the fall I had as well as many other things.
As an added bonus my sister also stopped talking to me, only she took a little longer to do so. No explanation has ever been given by either my mother or my sister for this. They still occasionally briefly communicate with me. You know in the same manner as you might have a brief conversation with a stranger at a bus stop.
I am writing this to let you know that you are not alone in this situation. I imagine I am not the only person who has suffered from this kind of reaction from family members either.
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