I am here actually for my boyfriend… on 13th of December, 2024, my boyfriend (age 22) met with a car accident for which he lost his consciousness on site and was immediately rushed to hospital. He was intubated and was later diagnosed and was found that he had Traumatic brain injury with sub dural hematoma with diffused axonal injury. He was in the ICU for 22 days (till 4th January, 2025) and was in ventilator for 3 days. He had tracheostomy from 24/12/2024 to 13/01/2025. He underwent left parietal-occipital burr hole placement and evacuation of chronic SDH on 03/01/2025. He was then discharged on 18/01/2025 and was declared neurologically stable.
All this happened while he was travelling with his family on a hill station, which was very far away from my house so I could only visit him once during his hospital stay. However, after he came back home from hospital, I am visiting him daily, trying to give him everything, supporting his family too. I am doing whatever I can. Within these days we have noticed some improvements, he is able to swallow liquids, he is able to move his limbs, could sit on his own, undergoing slow physiotherapy….however, his behaviour is not very normal… he could make voices, can take his mom’s name, can use his phone a bit, remembers his and my phone’s passwords…understands when we say something and even replies or responds back. But it’s as if he has become a small child….as if his mentor age has gone down…he has difficulty in cognitive functioning i think…
He is the love of my life, we both have been together for 5 years now and he too loved me very much…. I would do anything for him…Even if it takes years for him to recover, I would never leave his side… I just want him to recover fully, even if it takes time…he also has to attend college…
Did anyone had similar experiences here? Please let me know… I am very scared that he would never get back to normal…Please if anyone can help me, it would be greatly appreciated…🥹🥹🥹🥹
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Phoenix1202
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Hi Phoenix, firstly, don't panic. It's only early on to know how he will recover, so give it time.
It means a lot to a survivor to be there with them, so I'm sure he is very thankful you are visiting all that you can.
I'm sure the doctors/specialists will all do their bit to help him recover, though it will be a journey of progress.
Recovering from a brain injury can be very emotional for a survivor, full of joy during moments of progress, but also a lot of frustration at not being able to keep up as expected by themselves or others. Remind them that it's a marathon, not a sprint.
I was in an extremely child-like state at the beginning of my recovery. I can't give you any indication of how he will be when he is at his maximum recovery as we all heal differently. Like I said before, it's only early days yet.
Remember to take the time to care for yourself. Go for a walk to get rid of some of that pent-up emotional energy and process your thoughts.
Please don't underestimate the power of prayer. Miracles do happen.
Thank you so much James for the reply… it really means a lot! Your words are making me feel at ease a bit now… and surely, I am praying to God each and every minute because only He’s the one who saved him and brought him back home in the first place…I am forever grateful for the Almighty no matter what… and thank you so much for your prayers too…I am truly grateful!!
Please do not mind if I ask you a few questions herein… Firstly, for how long were you in a child-like state in your recovery? Secondly, how much did it take for you to get back to normal activities? Could you kindly share this here if you are comfortable enough…if not, I can understand..
No matter what, thank you so much for these words…I am glad I am here…Thank you! ❤️❤️❤️
I was 12 when I had a stroke so I was still basically a child, though, having a brain injury feels much like being in an inebriated state. Back then I had a significant amount of emotion combined with the lack of ability for self-control. These days I still have to manage my emotions more effectively than other normal people because of the difficulties with getting overwhelmed by tasks other people would be fine with.
In my case, I had damage to my brain stem to the point I couldn't function basically at all, almost to the point of death or at least being in a permanent vegetative-state. I remember my parents saying it was the first time they had ever prayed for something. I came back from the brink of death by nothing less than a miracle of God.
And here I am, 28 years later. I'm not perfect by any means, I still have issues. I can't go out drinking and find socialising exhausting. I get fatigue and exhaustion so limit my physical activity and the jobs I do. But I do enjoy spending time doing quieter activities and going to the park and kicking the ball around with the kids. I ride my bicycle and go camping.
From what I've 'heard', the first two years are going to be the most significant in recovery. That's not to say that there isn't more, but even in my case I can see that clear pattern. I made lots of incremental improvements over that 28 years.
Thank you for all the information James… And i am so glad to hear ur recovery miracle… Thank u for the answers… it means a lot!! I will keep updating!!🫂
I’m not the best person to answer this as my injury was not as severe as this.
What I can say is that, as mentioned by James1984, it’s too early to say how this injury will affect him. I know it’s frustrating for you, but brain injuries take a long time to heal and signs of how we’re affected appear after a few months and heal over time.
What I can say is that when I was in ICU I somehow knew my husband and son were there - and at the time I’d no idea I’d had an accident and was in hospital. I couldn’t hear them, but I knew they were there and were talking to each other. This gave me a great sense of peace and comfort. When I told them they were surprised as being just after Covid only my husband was allowed in, but there was no stopping my son from being with me. I’m telling you this so you realise how your boyfriend may know you’re with him.
Carry on being there for him, but do look after yourself as well. You need to take time away from the sickbed to “breath”, rest and stay healthy. Accept all help offered by others - no words can express how we feel when we wake up and find our loved ones there.
I am really relieved and happy to know that people in ICU are generally aware of their close family’s presence…I am sure my bf was also aware of his family being with him…and i hope even now he’s getting to know that I will be always there… and yes, I was in the verge of losing myself also in the last few weeks because of this…both careerwise and other things… I will try to get back to my track now and patiently care and wait for him… I am so glad to have found this platform… you people are really amazing… and such inspiring lives…
Thank you for all the kind words, means a lot!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
As others have said , this is still very early days. His injury is still considered fresh. Brains heal at different rates, and no one really knows how his will go, only time will tell.
Just as an indication of time line, 3 or 4 years is still when a lot of healing happens - and then beyond.
It's not unusual for people to have issues with talking and moving, and people are often quite easily irritated at first - it's because the brain tired easily. So, if he does get crabby, it's not at you, is just part of it. And he may not get crabby - not everyone does.
It helps him a lot that you are there.
Right now he will need a lot of rest, and do not be concerned - that is when the brain is healing.
He may also not be really aware of a lot of the chances or what's going on, that is also quite normal.
Hmm... the other things I wished I knew in the beginning are that healing isn't like a broken leg- all the docs know what to do about that - but with a brain it depends what part got injured, and with the 'diffuse' part, that means a bit kind of everywhere, and who knows how that might look. The other thing is a lot of healing can happen. I am unrecognizable from the early days. Yes, I am a bit different because hey, there was indeed an injury, and I still enjoy my life and the people I love.
And , as others have said, make sure you are doing things for you as well - this is something that can take time. It's a big change from how your life was going before. And you just have to wait and see what happens.
Yes…as recommended by others and you too… I will patiently wait for more months.. atleast 2 years…and see how things turn out to be… I am getting to know that these symptoms are common and I am so relieved… He’s been getting good amount of rest as of now…i am sure even a good amount of sleep is also helping…. Thank you for all the kind words and advice… And yes, I will definitely take care of myself now… it will be a tough journey, but getting to know about all your inspiring stories makes me feel so motivated ….thankk uu , it truly means a lot!! I will keep updating you guys!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
May 18th 1998 I came out of my Jeep and my head had an argument with a tree. Result severe diffuse axonal brain injury. I was lucky, mopped up by paramedics and taken to ICU where among other things they induced coma to protect me from myself. I was 8 on the Glasgow scale apparently - I have no memory of accident or following 3 months even though I am told I got up to all sorts.
27 years on not everything is right but I'm lucky.
Support is everything but you will have to be very patient and be prepared from time-to-time for a boyfriend who appears ungrateful - he won't be, that will just be the effects of the injury.
Good morning and Thank you for the reply Nafnaf87!!!
Thank you for your story…my bf initially had a GCS of 6…but now it’s increased to almost 11… which is ofc a good sign… and as you have said about your conditions back then…I will get prepared for everything… I will be ready for everything, and I will wait as long as it takes… but I just wish that he’s back to normal… This is the first reply I suppose who’s got DAI earlier…. I am really glad everything worked out with you… and I will too now not lose hope…
hi phoenix and welcome to this group .every one has said what I would say .. for me being apart of this group has helped me beyond belief to attempt to understand the new me 😊 I very much hope you with feel the same .. Sue x
Honestly, I just found out about this platform accidentally while trying to find some answers on my bf’s conditions…and I am so very grateful that I did… cause here, I am getting to see and know real life survivors who went through similar experiences, fought them with such bravery and are here now, helping people like us…. They are truly Heroes!!!! And thank you to you too… it feels a little less lonely now since I am here, and having people like you who’s ready to support and advice …. Really helps me a lot!!
Than you for everything… and I will surely keep y’all updated!!! Much love!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
your more then welcome …. to join everyone on here and me with my two brains ( wonky brains as I like to call them 😁) I’m sure you will learn so much ..Sue x
kinda depends it’s sadly bit variable and all brain injuries are significant.
But it’s early days only happens in mid December, and he’s been though a lot! As has you, have you made space too look after you?
Even at comparatively less significant I wasn’t with it for frankly months, I’m definitely changed, but I’m at essence still who I was.
This will be months and years each month should show improvement but its only in the movies that folks recover 100% but really sounds like he’s doing well.
I am starting to get a bit focused on myself also from now on…alongside him… i will definitely wait with much more patience now… it’s fine even if he doesn’t get back to his own self fully, but i just wish that he’s recovered enough to a level where he could atleast perform his daily tasks independently, focus on his career and live a simple life… that’s all I wish for… even if it takes time… i know now that there will be a lot more challenges throughout his life because of this… but he just has to recover, no matter how much time it takes…
Thank you very much for your views and advice…more power to you too!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
My husband slipped on some ice and knocked himself out …He was in a coma and I was told that he probably would not survive or if he did he wouldn’t be much more than a vegetable I told them he would come round …pull all the tubes out and if they gave him any pyjama bottoms he wouldn’t be off !
He woke up and thought I was a very nice lady and kept patting my head !
He pulled all his tubes drips etc out and the one that was fixed into his brain seemed stuck firmly so he snapped it off at the box
I was very happy and thought “That's my Hubby coming back to me
The nurse was quite cross and said he had caused about £30k of damage …I had to point out that he was on the High dependency Unit …So where was the nurse supposedly looking after him ? ?
So they moved him out of the HDU and onto a ward He was never ever going to ask if he could go to the toilet and started to get up and go on his own …Then they gave him some pyjama bottoms! ! and he was Off searching the carpark for his lorry He discovered a supermarket across the road and went in to get sandwiches biscuits and chocolate… wearing the hospital pyjamas I’m not sure he even had any money but he was a big bloke and I don’t think anyone was brave enough to stop him
Anyway he was filled with an ankle bracelet that set an alarm off The nurses weren’t inclined to fetch him back so two security men would wander down and bring him back
I said I was taking him home but I wasn’t allowed because the Occupational Health lot had not assessed his walking abilities..steps etc ? ! ? I had to point out tha I was not allowed to sit with him all day and every time I went home he went walkabout They thought his behaviour was not normal but I knew it was very normal …he didn’t like strangers and he didn’t like stopping inside with nothing to do
The next morning I fetched in his clothes etc Some woman turned up and took him up stairs and back down We picked up his drugs and went home
Getting to the point of your question …. He looked perfectly “ normal “ despite a shaved area with a massive scar across his head He had pulled all the staples out of the wound so it was quite a mess
His behaviour was not normal at all He announced he was hungry so I said You butter the bread and I will find something to put in He was astonished
“You want ME to butter the bread ? ? “ I might as well make my own butty. ! “. and I replied ‘ what a good idea ‘ and went off for a bath
When his friends called in to see him he would say What do you want now ! ?
I would make them a brew and he would say Don’t give them my biscuits He would then either go off to bed or tell the visitors to go home But not very politely He was allocated a Woman that he called Newkie Brown because she was from Newcastle. She would as him questions like How do you feel He wanted to know why she wanted to know She would ask How are you doing on the stairs. He nearly fell off the sofa laughing and went off up the stairs and came back with his favourite jeans and a T shirt and announced he was going to the pub because obviously this woman had nothing better to do than ask him really Stupid questions so we all went for a walk and by the time we got to the corner He had forgotten about the pub !
The first time we went to the pub he was chatting to strangers and being very jolly which was not normal at all He never ever spoke to people… never ordered a meal in a cafe He used to be terrified of going through the KFC drive thru and was very reluctant to go into a place he had not been to before
Post TBI he was a lot braver with strangers but developed a habit of saying quite hurtful things to strangers Like
You won’t break your nose if you fall over ( big boobs )
Or why don’t you go to the dentists
Or why is it always fat people who walk around stuffing sausage rolls in their faces
Or what do You smell of ?
I had to invent a code word If I said Bananas he had to immediately stop what he was saying or about to say
One blessing was that he needed a lot of sleep We would have a houseful of friends and family and he would stand up and Say I’m off to bed because my brain uses a lot of energy to heal itself or he would be sat outside with a few mss as yes and would disappear and just leave them and go to bed If I tried to get him out of bed he could get a bit stroppy and say he was bored of visitors because they only came round to steal his money which was a bit nasty
He was never violent or abusive to anyone but a lot of our lives were His way or No way Especially food shopping we would walk round Tescos. and if he saw something that he wanted he would put it into the trolly and I would try to put it back without him seeing… He got tired very quickly and used to announce he was off to the loo and I would find him sitting by the check out …sometimes he would be asleep with staff worrying about if he was Ok or poorly bearing in mind he had a massive scar right across his head. !
We went to an out of town shopping centre with his grown up daughter and we lost. him we were frantic for nearly an hour It felt like a day …he couldn’t find us we couldn’t find him then I spotted him drinking coffee in a phone shop the staff were a bit worried he couldn’t remember his name or anything about where he lived etc c
We were so happy to find him we thanked the staff and headed back to the car via an ice cream van
We were in KFC when he showed us his new phone …He had bought it so he could ring me It was not charged up and did not have any phone numbers in it which was obviously my fault ! and he was so upset when I said it had to go back to the shop
Luckily they refused to have it back because the box had been opened and there was smudges of KFC on it
I could go on and on but all I’m really trying to say is I was just glad that he was not dead Every day something unusual would happen we usually laughed a lot and we never stayed in all day because boredom was his worst enemy
I don’t know how we would have coped If I had had to go out to work etc
HEADWAY Was our Saviour they helped us with Everything He made so many friends and really enjoyed the Drop ins and the Activity afternoons
Actually the first few times we went to the Headway meetings he was happier going into a room full of people and noise than I was xx
I appreciate how much strength, love and patience you had through it all!! I understand how life changes after this, not only just for one person but his family members too… Your husband's journey shows just how unique brain injury recovery can be, and your support clearly made all the difference. It means a lot to hear about your experience, and I really appreciate the insight…
Hi. I really feel for you as I am the mother of a son who sustained a severe brain injury in a car accident. I'm not going to discuss the details as it doesn't really serve any purpose, other than to reinforce the fact that each acquired brain injury is completely individual. People will give you lots of advice, and you'll hear many stories - some may be encouraging and some may be discouraging. But the reality is that your situation is individual to you. My advice would be to be as pro-active as possible. Encourage him to participate in all the areas which were of interest to him pre-accident, but please, please bear something important in mind in all your interactions - give him "processing" time to understand and make sense of life at the moment. After a brain injury (and you say it was diffuse) life can be very confusing, and requires much more effort to understand and make sense of everything. So what was easy for him pre-accident could now be more challenging. Rest is vital. Short bursts of activity / stimulation / interactions are recommended rather than "marathons"! (We made the mistake of thinking that the better and longer our son was able to maintain stimulating environments, the more progress he was making. The reality was that he often plateaued and even seemed to slip back sometimes. That is when we realised the importance of rest, and small "sessions" of activity!) If you can get him into some regular rehabilitation therapy in the neurological field, he should be able to make significant progress. Pro-active, and keep being positive. Rose
Firstly, i really hope your son has recovered to a point that he is now independent enough to take his own care and responsibilities… i really appreciate your advice… than you so much… we are introducing him to some activities that he used to enjoy before…but ofc, by also keeping in mind that rest and sleep is the only thing that will heal him properly…. He’s currently undergoing physiotherapy and is still in the stage where he’s communicating with confused, unclear words and repeated phrases…. I really hope this gets better within a few months … but yes, overall he’s improving day by day…
Thank you for your valuable advice and wishing more love and more power to you!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Hi again. It's good to hear that you're seeing daily improvements, and here's to you both going from strength to strength.
Hindsight is an amazing thing!! But I'm glad that we followed the path we did. Our aim was to be as pro-active as possible from the beginning. We found the most amazing and wonderful book called "THE CATASTROPHE OF COMA - A WAY BACK" written by an Australian doctor, E.A. Freeman. We actually were able to get a copy from our local library, (and then we bought our own copy.)
We also became very involved with Headway. ( headway.org.uk ) There's a wealth of information and resources on their website.
I made a large sign which I put on the window sill saying "Prayer, Hard Work, & Patience" - and the most difficult is patience!!
So, keep in touch with people who truly know what you're going through, care for yourself (really important), keep a journal (extremely good advice I was given), stay positive and continue being pro-active. There are many people ready and willing to help, so keep reaching out. Sending love x
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It's good to hear that you're seeing daily improvements, and here's to you both going from strength to strength.
Astonishing improvement after almost 3 years
Will he be the same?
nursing home dilemma 
Looking for help - new to all this
