Just wanted to introduce myself I'm Valentina I'm 25 and a history teacher. I'm also currently pregnant with my first, it's a little girl and her nickname is Olive.
My boyfriend Dan is a police officer and last week he was involved in a car crash whilst at work. He was knocked unconscious for about 15 minutes but was awake when he got to hospital. He has broken his collarbone and an CT scan showed a bleed on the brain. The doctors decided a craniotomy was needed. Dan got through that okay and was talking and seemed to be okay but he started having seizures.
The hospital put him in an induced coma on Friday. Hopefully bringing him around on Monday
I've been by his side most days and but I need to rest for Olive's sake.
I just feel so helpless
V x
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Valentina98
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Hi Valentina,Congratulations on the baby, how exciting!
And, so sad to hear about your bf's accident.
These things can go a lot of ways, there is no way to tell. There are cases where people with cracked skulls walk out of the hospital a few months later and get on with life. There are cases where someone goes over a curb on a bicycle too hard and it impacts them for years.
You know how life is - we always worry about the wrong things. And if course in this situation you would be worrying. Remember to breathe. Nice slow breathes. It helps calm your body down and so calms little Olive as well.
Easy to say and harder to do - one day at a time.
There is a lot of experience here and advice as you may need it later. For now try to rest and look after yourself. This may be a marathon rather than a sprint, so self care is really key. You can't function if you don't take care of yourself and Olive.
I live in Canada so I can't say 100% the same is true there- I just know here first responders are brilliant about looking after their own.
Brains are not a straight forward healing process like a broken leg, so patience is required...more than you think you have. Staring into the unknown takes courage. One day at a time, or maybe one moment at a time. And don't forget to breathe.
We are here if you need to vent, ask questions, whatever. There are both people with injuries here, and people who care for people with injuries, and some who are carers who also have injuries.
It is not easy.
Also, consider calling Headway - the numbers posted under a pinned entry on your right. You don't need to worry about what to ask, they will ask you questions and give you some starting off info. It's good to find out about resources right away.
It's so difficult but be strong. Things will improve. Try and get some sleep if you can get a family member to help with your 5 Yr old. You will be much stronger if you can get your rest. 🦾
Valentina, that sounds a lot like my accident. Alas mine was climbing but I broke collar bone and was put in an induced coma. Alas my wife wasn’t pregnant but since we’ve had our only child, the amazing Chloé. Look, there’s little you can do right now. Let medical staff do their stuff. Your being present is the main thing. Your life will change but always remember, it’s little Olive’s time now. You’ll face many challenges but stay strong. People rarely think of the partner of a TBI victim but I understand how complicated it will be for you. Good luck.
hi Valentina and welcome to this group although I just wish you weren’t in need of being here ❤️ like all of us here we didn’t plan this route but without a doubt this group has helped me and so much hope it will help you ..
your boyfriend is at the very early stages of a TBI ( trauma brain injury) and is in the best place … I do understand you wanting to be there but you and Olive both need to rest and be ready for her arrival .take this time while he is being looked after to concentrate on you .. this is not a selfish approach it’s a very practical approach to a awful situation .. by looking after both of you it will be a lot better place for your boyfriend to come home to .maybe others could do some of the visits to hospital and support you with their help as it will be invaluable and lots of people don’t offer but are more then happy to help when asked .. we don’t always think the same but asking is so much help for all of you ..
sending you love and support from a mum of 4 and Nan of two who knows how important your health and rest is to you and your boyfriend .. Sue x
There are probably no words that we can say to sooth how you are feeling at the moment. That induced coma will make all the difference as far as I understand as the brain/body seem to do their best work and healing while at rest.
That goes for you too though I know it probably sounds impossible for you to do that right now, but you and your Olive need it.
I was told that my husband was young (then 46/7 so I was fairly surprised they thought this young) and that this was a huge things on his side. So definitely something worth holding on to. And time.
You will have read on various postings that playing music and the like, chatting, even just having the radio or a podcast on that he likes will be great for him. And maybe Olive would enjoy that too.
If you get a chance you may want to get in touch with Headway just to speak to someone who is more in the know about the processes and what is happening or can be expected. Or just for an ear. They are lovely and some of that extra info may help a bit with that feeling of helplessness.
Hi there, I have suffered two TBI'S both in 2010, they put me in an induced coma as i had a crushed airway.
It gives the body time to heal which of course it needs,Once your BF comes out the other side
You should be aware he may be different in many ways due to the brain damage, his personality may have altered,(Apparently I have no social filter).
The Drs may be able to stop the fitting once he is awoken or it may of just been the one or so times, due to injuries and not permanent.
He may well have a long journey ahead of him healing wise, may well be Fatigued from the effects of being tubed, or he may well awake as he was before the crash but just unable to remember it.
I am still recovering from my TBI, i was a Staff nurse on a stroke unit and when i returned to work the management assumed i had memory loss, yet the only diagnosis i EVER had said chronic fatigue.
You will find that perhaps the biggest battle he has will be fighting against the stigma of a TBI
I would suggest that if you haven't already, read up on head injuries or get in touch with HEADWAY, they will be able to give you much better guidance that you can get on here.
I wish you and your BF a long and prosperous life with the little one.
TBI is NOT the end. It IS just the beginning of a NEW way.
The old way - HAS been replaced
It IS about using stratagies 2 navigate the NEW way
Hi Valentina, things will get sorted out and the TBI will resolve as best as it can. On the practical side, being a police officer your BF and by extension you and the baby will be protected both financially and you can get extra private medical help.
A friend of mine was in the police and got a TBI in a training exercise. He got all the usual NHS care but he also had months/ years of private specialist rehab. The police retired him out of the force on full pension and with a very large lump sum.
You won't need to worry about the future and with the extra medical help he will be on the road to recovery in no time. If he is retired out of the force you will be financially set up for life.
My friend is 'normal' and enjoys life with his wife.
It may be a worrying time now and you may not be thinking ahead but you don't need to worry about getting medical care or for the future.
Hi Valentina. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this.
Might be worth giving the Headway helpline a call if you feel like it. They've been really good at helping me to understand things and just listening to me when I need to talk.
They also have a booklet to explain what happens in hospital when you have a loved one with a BI ('Hospital treatment and early recovery after brain injury' in the below link) - I've not read it but it might be useful to you.
That said I agree with others who've said your partner is in the best place at the moment so please do take care of yourself too. I hope you have people around you who can be there for you too. The good friends are worth their weight in gold at times like these.
I went back to work this morning (I'm a school teacher and because of my own health issues I work mostly half days) I've just got to the hospital and they are bringing him out of the coma this afternoon.
I'm definitely going to contact Headway 😊so thank you for everyone who recommended that.
I've been trying to go home as often as I can to get some rest, for mine and Olive's sake.
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