Partners anxiety

[Charente]

My husband had his brain injury in March. We ve come such a long way and have achieved so much. Been on holiday, driven across Europe.

Now the adrenaline that has kept me going for so long has deserted me. I have become very anxious about my partner doing even small things alone. I worry when he’s late from small shopping trips, outings,dog walking. Walk around checking watch , eventually phoning him to check. I think ahead of everything he does to ensure it’s ok. I’m a health and safety worry wort! My confidence is draining away.

My anxiety is getting out of hand and not helping his self confidence either. It’s spilling over into everyday life. I don’t want to do anything that involves risk. He’s keen on a holiday in Spain where he / we had the accident. I’m terrified.

Thankyou for listening and if you ve coped with this I’d be so glad to hear how.

[steve55]

i think you need to learn to relax or youll put yourself into an early grave. sounds harsh i know, but it comes from someone who has an abi and a loving wife like yourself.

i caused my wife to have a melt down because of mood swings, not directed at her until eventually i was referred to a psychiatrist and put on meds to control my behaviour, not anti depressants i may add we also joined our local monthly headway group.

itll do you good because youll meet other darlings who put up with us and youll learn coping techniques.

may i also suggest you meditate, clear your mind, breathe in slowly through your nose and out through your nose concentrating firstly on your back and secondly ond the seat of the chair. with practice youll be so relaxed itll feel as if you are floating.

steve x

[cat3]

It sounds like you've been 'Whistling in the dark' since your man's haemorrhage ; perhaps your energies are now exhausted and the reality is hitting hard. It's not uncommon for people dealing with trauma to keep their emotions in abeyance and remain in denial for months/years even, until the reality of event/s surface.

I know, from personal experience, how people suffering abuse in childhood can keep the grief at bay for decades and then suffer a breakdown in later life, realising when recollections come pouring out, how seriously they were, and still are, affected.

You might've believed that by being brave and disciplined you could maintain control of both your lives, safe from unwelcome complications. But now perhaps it's time for you to seek help in tackling suppressed emotions.

Hidden trauma can be systematically eroded by laying it bare to a qualified therapist in controlled sessions...…………. proving that bad things can happen in isolation and life can still go on. Please get help m'dear by getting a referral to a cognitive therapist to unearth emotions from 6/7 months ago.

After my Subarachnoid haemorrhage my family and I spent weeks discussing our personal 'take' on events. My recollection was brief as I remembered nothing apart from the initial collapse, although I had an insatiable need to have several weeks of the 'nothingness' filled in.

And it was harrowing hearing how my son and daughter learned of the emergency and how they visited every evening after work for 2 months and witnessed many scary situations...…...so for them it was a de-briefing exercise to gain some perspective after what they described as a surreal period. We all agreed it was highly therapeutic, leaving no lingering taboo.

Please don't underestimate the healing power of talking therapy Charente.

Best wishes to you both. Cat x

[Alice5]

I can identify completely with what you are saying. I have always been a worrier and it can so easily spiral out of control.

I've recognised I need help as it's affecting and spoiling everything.

I've self referred myself to MIND to get that help. I've had counselling before and it's really made a difference to my well being. Only problem is that the waiting list is so long and it's a real struggle in the meantime.

Please get some help, Charente, it's terrible feeling anxious and overwhelmed all the time.

Thinking of you x

[Hetty56]

Hi Charente - I can sympathise totally. My son's accident was in January and we've been through the coma/post traumatic amnesia/depression route and are only just now starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I did everything I could for Sam (as you'd expect) while at the same time hiding everything in my daily conversations with my 87 year old mother and pretending life was jolly.

I started sinking and being unable to cope with anything. My GP put me on a low dose of Sertraline which put me on an even keel and helped me cope. I still reacted to things but it was manageable. I've also started a course of counselling with a Bedfordshire/Cambridgeshire organisation called the Road Victims Trust. Both of these help in their own way and I feel sure that I'm going to continue to be strong enough to support Sam.

Everyone has their own ways of dealing with things - I also use mindfulness and relaxation. Exercise is another great way - I've increased my cycling and running which always make me feel better.

I hope you find something that works for you - there are many options

xx

[Charente]

You are all so kind to take time out of your busy lives for me. Such kind and caring words. It means so much.

Time to dry the tears and move on. Your personal experiences shared make me feel humbled. I went to Yoga tonight ..I relaxed ..I enjoyed it.

Not a big step but in the right direction. If I waver I get your words out and read them again. I can t say Thankyou enough. 😘😘😘😘

[WinB]

I worry when my Daughter goes shopping and she is in her 40's lol, but seriously life goes on and if it worries you explain it to him and never bottle it up. You 2 have a chat about your feelings also. Good luck both and wish you both well xxx Worrier Win xxxx