My partners hypoxic brain trauma

A quick introduction: my partner suffered a cardiac arrest 4mths ago. His brain was starved of oxygen for ? It seemed forever to me. Physically he is doing really well but there us definitely some type of short memory loss and thinking he has been somewhere earlier in the day but us still in hospital ! He can talk normally, eat anything, feed himself, dress himself but with some light assistance. I visit him every day and travel approx 40 miles daily return. I like to visit as he looks for me. He has just been assessed to be transferred to a specialised Neuro hospital. It will be really good for him but I will only be able to visit 2-3 a week as its a 120 mile trip. We are both mid sixties and both retired. I do have friction from his 2 daughters who won't accept me. They both live 300 and 600 miles away! my life is now concentrating on him and my dog! What I would do without my dog, I don't know!

Anyway, it would nice to talk to anyone that is going through the same as me.

Thanks for reading this

9 Replies

  • welcome yve1950,please contact the headway helpine they are very good! and will understand what you are going through and give you both the meantime take care of yourself! and see if you can stay over at the next hospitail that way you willnot have do around trip each rime

  • Hi Yve1950,

    As Razzy has said give the headway centre a call I'm sure they will be able to help you and give you support. You have found the right place for support here too. God Bless and have a fantastic evening. Nick XX

  • Hi there. My husband suffered a hypoxic brain injury due to an overdose of insulin 5 weeks ago. He is awake but communicates by nodding or shaking his head. He is being tube fed and has not been able to get out of bed yet.

    He was moved to a hospital out of town and I visit almost daily by public transport (this is going to be more difficult when I go back to work).

    My son and three step children have been great, I am lucky that we all get along but ultimately I feel very alone with this situation as our family and friends go back to their lives after visiting.

    We have three dogs which my husband and I jokingly call our children (we don't have children together) and they give me so much love.

    it's a shame that you and your husband's daughters don't get on but you need to be around people who are positive and supportive. Do you have family or friends that you can turn to? I came to this site to find people who are, or have gone through similar circumstances so please feel free to send me a message.

    Warmest Regards


  • Thank you so much for your quick replies, makes me feel better knowing I am not the only one that is distressed and being strong. Allan, my partner, begged me to take him home earlier today. I felt so helpless. He said that the all the nurses are bonkers! I did reassure him and left him in bed eating Doritos quite happy! I came home and in the rain, walked my dog ! Feel bit better now but had tears once again.

    Thank you for reading this again, even tho I am ranting!

  • You are not ranting, you need to vent some of your frustrations and your feelings.

    I also walked my dogs in the rain tonight and felt lonely when returning home. But I try to look at the progress Paul has made in such a short time and I am hopeful that one day he will be able to come home and we will make a new life.

    Your tears are natural and are a healthy way of dealing with your emotions, let it out !!!

    I find that people on this site are nothing but helpful so use the support that is here for you.


  • Thank you Angie. Allan has made such good progress, even the doctors said that Allan is very lucky as its less than 5% if people that have survived what Allan has gone through.

    I hope that you and Paul soon gave your lives back.

    Thank you

  • Hi. My partner was in this situation and was in rehab for a year. He's been home now for nearly two years (!) where does the time go??! Like you I was visiting every day until he was moved out of county. I used to go and collect him on Friday and take him back on Sunday so that he could have the weekends at home. He has no family, at least none who have bothered to visit, so I am the only person he has.

    In the early days my partner also thought he had done things and seen people that he hadn't.....quite often it was something he'd seen on tv.

    It is a lonely road, not just for those with the injury but for us too....sometimes even more so I think, but this site is a good place to come and vent!

    Take care

  • Thank you Fred for your message. Great help. Yes am pretty sure now thinking on it, that Allan sees something on TV then thinks it's happened in real life, as he's quite adamant that it's happened!! He is desperate to come home but he has to go to this specialised hospital first. I am so glad that I found this site, I don't feel as alone. Thanks

  • Gosh. I connect so much with your story. My husband suffered a BI 3 years ago and the to-ing and fro-ing from hospital daily, whilst trying to cope with our life admin and work, plus deal with his often difficult family was almost too much to bear at times. It often felt like there was more drama in the family waiting room than with Alan next door in Intensive Care. Being the strong, stable mediator was exhausting. A very lonely place indeed. My mother, her cat (big shout out to the Honey monster ;-) ), humour and tapping into a sense of inner strength I never knew I had were what got me through.

    It is a tough time. Don't lose faith. Keep going. It will get better. Take care of you too. This is the stage where you can lean on the professionals to manage his care while you keep recharging your batteries to remain strong and take in what's happened (v.important). Tears are good. Sleep is good. Talking is good (phone Headway). Laughing is wonderful!

    I remember feeling frightened about the future ; What if he's different forever? How will I cope when he's back at home? Will things go back to normal? Well, at this stage, all you can do is take every day at a time. Ride that rollercoaster. Take note of every positive step in his/ your journey (sounds like there are plenty of those). I kept a diary, which I still look back on even now and have shared with Alan. What a journey it's been for both of us. We each experienced a very different journey, equally hard, but poles apart. Took a while to understand that.

    We have a new normal now, which is still evolving and adjusting. We have great times, we have regular times, and we have tricky times. Still just taking each day as it comes.

    You sound immensely strong. Keep doing what you're doing. Hang in there. Lean on aaaaaall those you possibly can and take care of yourself (and the doggy).

    Here any time for chatting .x.

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