Any partners of someone with Brain injuries struggling to live with their injured partner?

[TheColemans]

Any good ways of coping with their selfish, rude and verbally abusive behaviours? Any tips on how to confront them in an non-agressive way or how too make them listen?

[Hidden]

disstraction change of subjet change of area front room to kitchen

give this person a task to do type your question in to googgle you may get more info

gardening is a good one as they can achive something on a long term

im sorry you have to ask this question as this means you are getting hard time

perceverance and time

i had my world smashed after tbi

however i still wanted 100 percent control of my life and this caused a lot of problems

when a trouble came up i still found it on me to fix it even when not able

my partner says she got info off rehab team at socail services

none are the same on here all recoverys are diff

the urge to be normal is very powerfull

good luck

[TheColemans in reply to Hidden]

I have percevered for over 3 years now and unfortunately some problems need addressing, confronting him is sooo difficult and sometimes impossible, i now don't speak to him for days as he can't manage what i have to say and i can't look at him after he has been very hurtful to me. Social worker is ok but nothing has changed for a long time about his behaviour. Will give Headway a go just for support for me!!!

[TwoCakes]

Hello Colemans, my friend had a TBI last year and I am very close to her, however I am not (and never have been) her partner. I think it must be very difficult indeed to be the closest person to the the individual with TBI and my thoughts really are with you. These are the things I tried with my friend: change of subject, removing myself from the situation, being firm, returning to areas of conflict when my friend was better able to listen so we could discuss the problem properly, being honest and telling my friend that there were mistaken about facts and empathising with their confusion. The only other thing I can suggest is asking other people your partner knows to spend time with your partner to give you a break - I hope there is someone you feel can do this? Your local social service team and Headway may have info on assertive behaviour to help you in the situation.

[TheColemans in reply to TwoCakes]

Thanks. Accident was just over 3 years ago and i think i am now just exhausted!! Will try headway for me more than my partner.

[TwoCakes in reply to TheColemans]

I've definitely encourage you to do that. Every time I've called they have been understanding and knowledgable. James Cracknell's book "Touching Distance" is about him and his wife's relationship after his head injury. My local library ordered it for me for free - it was reassuring to hear other experiences.

[TheColemans in reply to TwoCakes]

I just ordered that book online last night and thats where i got the idea for headway and looked online here today.

[brighton88 in reply to TwoCakes]

a very distressing thing for me was without knowing I kept repeating myself.Or so I was/am told. Even now if I repeat myself I have no memory of repeating myself, so while I can understand this might be frustrating for someone with me, when other people have become sharp or snap back it has caused me distress and all I ask is if I repeat myself, and of course answer the question coz I've forgotten the answer

just let me know without verbally attacking me, all that does is destroy my confidence

[Drusilla]

Dont you mean coping with their Brain Injury....?

[Danslatete]

I was so desperate to be normal and fighting against the injury, I was realising that i couldnt do everything that i used to do, and if i could it would be more difficult. Things confused me very quickly and the more stressed i was the more difficulty i had concentrating and speaking.

I vented all that anger and frustation on those closest to me, my other half and my children, my mother and my support worker. The injury had left me without a filter, so what ever i thought came out, i swore a lot and was at times horrid. I lost my barriers. They videod me a few times and i was broken. I didnt want to be that person. Its like the turmoil going on in youe head is all on show.

I am a lot better now but i do still explode and i upset people with the things i say. It is not intentional. It is so hard to remember the social ettiquette when you are tired confused or wound up. I dont keep the anger and i dont remember the aguements, My children and OH do. Its a wonder he didnt pack up and leave years ago. He just got himself a new hobby that means he is out alot!!

[TheColemans in reply to Danslatete]

I can recognise the venting out on the ones nearest. Thanks for your perspective.

[susiebell]

Hi I am Sue.

I asked the same question as I am in a position so like yours. The advice I got was to think of the behaviour as a third person in the room, but it is very difficult not to take it personally I agree.

I have learned to read some signs, especially if he is a bit nervous about something or large crowded areas seem to shorten his tolerance levels.

We have a relatively new relationship of 15 months but I have seen him noticably relax over the last 6 months or so and that I hope is because he is happy so therefore the angry little man in his head is getting smaller.

Come on the site and talk to anyone and everyone, it is so good to know you are not alone. I have also started James Cracknells book to help me gain more insight.

I try hard not to confront, but on several occasions I have walked out crying in frustration needing space to myself.He is always sorry when I return and cant do enough to make it right again, and it is at those times when my big man looks like a lost boy I realise his struggle with his brain injury is far from over.

Take good care of yourselves please and I hope we can chat again.

Sue

[cuckoosnest2018]

Hi - The second I saw this, I said in the back of my mind "that's Adrian" He got one raging case of encephalitis at age 3 1/2, and it's a miracle he even survived, with a 112 degree fever that burned up 20% of his brain. His parents enquired with his siblings as to whether or not to institutionalize him, it was that bad. I deal with the same exact things day after day, year after year, and now we are going on 20 years. Any kind of "brain business" tries the other person to the core, period ! Here, I deal with never listening (and I mean NEVER) I find it so frustrating to be ignored continually, and wish there were a way to just MAKE him pay attention. There is now a hearing problem, where everything I say gets a "what?" or a "huh?" he rambles on and on about political figures, and has a "know it all spirit" concerning all those politicians, their agendas, who needs a jail sentence, etc. He throws silent fits when we go to church, like loud sighing, accusing, leaving when it is exactly the time services are supposed to be over with, and going to the car till I get there, and is a general embarrassment. (I do wish that if he hates church so much, he would just admit it and stay home, instead of my having to wake him up, and see the dirty look on his face, and hear the loony accusations, like how they are "panhandling" if they take a special offering for a guest speaker). I realize that unless he one day receives Jesus, and divine healing from God, it will always be the same things. I have prayed for him for so long, but don't want to reach the point where total discouragement sets in. No matter what the cause, brain damage is difficult to deal with. I do believe that a lot of it is left over from the days he was younger, like spilling food all over himself, the table, and floor. I just totally believe that if a child is treated like they are brain damaged, all that will transpire is more brain damaged behavior, which will be firmly implanted in their brain, that they cannot do any better. I have a hard time receiving that a grown man, 69 years old, can play chess in tournaments, drive a car, pay bills, has to spill food all over the place and ask the stupidest questions possible, each and every day, and be so repetitious, to where I just want to escape to my room. There have to be answers somewhere, and I'm still searching. Sorry if I didn't answer you according to what you may have wanted to hear, but I do find it comforting that we are not alone. Don't you ?