Family Stealing Cash (Further Question): Hi Everyone... - Headway

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Family Stealing Cash (Further Question)

Obiwan
Obiwan

Hi Everyone, I have posted about this before so I hope you don't mind me asking again. I have evidence of my mother stealing my disability trust fund compensation money. I have been begging to see my trusts bank statements for a decade (give or take). Am still having lots of nightmares about it and waking up regularly. Have now been advised to go top the police and have support to go with me. However, my partner who is very loving and supportive has now said we might have to split if I go to the police because of the stress it involves. But I cant see how I can ever move on if I don't find out what has happened. Years of counselling and anti-depressants (that only destroy my mental health) haven't helped. Her dad a great man who I appreciate thinks it is terrible that I could report my mum to the police as she is my mum. I have tried asking and asking her, tried to get financial advisers involved but she wont sign the paperwork, spoken to lawyers but they say go to the police etc.. I cant see how I can move forward without going through this, am just ashamed I didn't have the strength to do it earlier and end all of this years ago. Am I right to be doing this, despite the stress it will cause? I don't want to lose my fantastic partner but I cant see progress in life without addressing this issue. What do you guys think?

20 Replies
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Hi oh dear this must be very hard for you, firstly i m dissapointed in your partner if he cares he will not be saying he'll leave if you report your mum? He's your partner not hers x he shld be supporting whatever decision you make, are you 100% sure he has nothing to do with it?

I think you're right to involve police as you're mum has sumthin to hide, you have nothing 2be ashamed bout you've done nothing wrong!

I hope you can get 2 the truth as you deserve closure after all this time, gd luck

Elaine x

Obiwan
Obiwan in reply to August1964

Thanks Elaine. Support on here is great. My partner wants to get pregnant and so doesn't want the stress. but she is the major bread winner but wont get good maternity pay for several reasons... therefore for me to take on the mantle of major bread winner, which I want to do but have to be realistic that the effects of my TBI meaning I really need the full amount of my disability trust fund to be this person. she cant seem to see it from that perspective she just thinks we will muddle through. but my symptoms come and go sometimes at the most inconvenient times. Eg I am now working at a supermarket on low pay. After spending years working my way up at a disabilities charity I was offered- deputy manager- obviously my symptoms took hold and I broke down and needed months of rest at home. I don't lack intelligence ( as many of us don't) but I don't have the stamina and the combination of work and parenthood require so much stamina. I wont have family support as they say they cant help me (even though they have stolen from me) because they say they wont love my child cos its not my sisters and that my sister has threatened to have more children if they help me- which I believe she would instantly do.

August1964
August1964 in reply to Obiwan

You've lost me now sorry what's your sister 2 do with this x why can't your child x you're sisters have love from you're family? Sound 2 me like they're trying to rule your life as well as your finances.

Maybe you shld go to citizens advice bout your finances?

There's nothing wrong with asking 4 advice x I think you need to sort this situation out for your future x peace of mind

Elaine x

Obiwan
Obiwan in reply to August1964

Cheers yes it needs sorting. basically mum says she loves her grandchildren more than she ever loved me and its easier to hurt me than to see them suffer. hence her stealing my trust fund to pay for her daughters children to be raised. mum will go to these lengths to raise her daughters kids in the way mum feels they deserve but freely admit she doesn't want to be involved in helping me raise a child. she feels no guilt in that maybe she should want to help me more with a child as she has stolen from me and lied for so long..... mum says she is sick of raising 'other peoples children' so she wont help me but that if my sister has another (number 4) she would have no choice but to help her. etc.... thanks for your comments.

August1964
August1964 in reply to Obiwan

Oh my sorry but your mum doesn't sound like a nice mother! Has she got sumthin against you x ur partner? Hope you don't mind me asking but what happened 2u, what illness do you have?

Elaine x

Obiwan
Obiwan in reply to August1964

Thanks Elaine. Im off to work soon but I will reply when I can. Much appreciated.

August1964
August1964 in reply to Obiwan

No worries take care x

Obiwan
Obiwan in reply to August1964

I have a moderately severe TBI and Growth Hormone Deficiency that went undiagnosed and untreated for 19.5 yrs and so have things complicated with that. I will fill you in more later. anxiety and fatigue are my main issues and working memory.

August1964
August1964 in reply to Obiwan

Wow 19 x half yes that's rediculous they shld of picked that up much sooner x

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I wouldn't think you need to go to the police to see your trust bank statements - your solicitor should be able to do that? Maybe try another solicitor and keep your request very specific - ie information only.

If not can you not just take power of attorney away from your mum?

Obiwan, I'm astonished that your partner and her father haven't turned this whole situation around and ask 'How could your mum rob her own son ?' and 'How can this ever be stopped without involving the police ?'

Does this woman who calls herself your mother also have a hold over these people ? I recall being horrified last time you mentioned this issue. It's utterly disgusting for anyone to steal from their son's disability fund-----safe in the belief that reporting a mother is too much of a taboo. I call that blackmail, which in itself is a serious (and cruel) offence.

Time to ask for the support of a solicitor and anyone else who recognises this injustice, if those closest to you are turning their backs. If you're struggling with legal representatives you might want to give Headway a call and see who they can recommend.

A magistrate would come down heavily on such a heinous offence...……...it also being an abuse of trust and power. You seem to be amongst people who have no regard for your interests, and my heart aches for you being forced into such an awful choice when you're already vulnerable. But it's time to fight for yourself against your uncaring family before they take everything you have.

Phone Headway and ask for help with legal support. Cat x

Obiwan
Obiwan in reply to cat3

Thank you Cat. Your attention and support are much appreciated. I am my mums disabled son (although I have recovered well from the severity of my head injury I have still had lots of problems and serious health issues) it looks like she has been stealing my trust fund to raise her daughters kids. She says things like 'girls are more important than boys' etc.. and I think using it to pay off her daughters store cards and similar debts but I cant prove that yet. Headway are sending my info on lawyers. Many thanks.

cat3
cat3 in reply to Obiwan

I'm so glad Headway are providing information. You're going to need extra courage to see this through, but it's more than a matter of money ; it's a criminal offence, and your family should be brought to book for such underhanded and abusive behaviour.

What happens when your mother is no longer around and you need extra financial support, but the money has gone ? This forum is your safe place, so please stay around and take strength from people who care ! Keep us updated with your plans and any developments won't you ?

I'm so sorry about your horrible situation. Keep strong...........

Cat x

Obiwan
Obiwan in reply to cat3

Your support means so much. I have had to keep this bottled up for a long time as I was dependent in so many ways. I feel I am breaking free because of my wonderful partner. Hope she can come with me on this road I must follow! Have a nice night.

Just do it because what you have now cannot be that preferable. The people do not love you i would suggest. Bless you and be of good heart.

Thanks for your kind words Magdolna. Mum has done many good things for me. Many. But this has always seemed unacceptable to me. But she has always know I was too anxious to be without her support, or to start proceedings against her etc.. I am doing it now. Better late than never. Good night.

Obiwan. You know you cannot go on like this. You are bravely handling many unavoidable health issues. This financial fraud is undermining your mental, emotional and physical health. Some different stresses may come your way once you engage counsel and potentially go to the police, but stress that offers realistic resolution is very much preferable to the prospect of the continued agony that you describe. You deserve justice and respect. Everyone does. You need those funds and you need to be able to decide what and who those funds go to. Be strong and remember: You are not being selfish or ungrateful in any way.

Obiwan
Obiwan in reply to TaIaV

Thank you very much :)

Hi Obiwan

I work as an adviser for a telephone helpline service. We get similar enquiries to yours, not exactly the same, but they involve a family member or close "friend" who is financially abusing a vulnerable adult. We always advise the caller to contact Adult Social Services and report this as a safeguarding issue. I'm not sure how far and fast you will get with the police. I would imagine Headway could advise on raising a safeguarding incident.

Your mother needs to be stopped, especially as she is so openly and brazenly stealing from you.

Obiwan
Obiwan in reply to Lazuli

Thank you. She is not open about it except to a few people and she has threatened me if I tell other relatives. They seem to think she is an angel and that I am wrong to keep bringing this up. I will look into making a safeguarding complaint. the problem is I am independent in so many ways but not emotionally, handling relationships in life and anxiety and my hormone problems but I have achieved a lot in life in different ways and I doubt people including social services would identify me as a vulnerable person. then again if I were autistic for example I could achieve a lot and still be vulnerable so maybe they will accept me for who I am.

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