Headway
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Struggling

Hi everyone I’m 24 an my partner is 25 he suffers a sbi jan 17 after a rta.

I find my self to be really struggling coming to terms with the new him and find my self getting upset griefing for the old him . I promised him I would never leave and will always look after him .

He is prone to be very sexual towards me only . Constant wanting sex or trying to talk about sexual things even. If our daughter is present . I tell him it’s inappropriate so he stops for a while he soon does it again . He’s even watching porn a lot which he has never done . I feel like if I was to have sex with him it would b to hope he would stop with the constant asking for it .

Im soo confused and feel soo angry at myself for feeling how I do .

Someone help a lady ❤️

14 Replies
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Hi and welcome (though none of us want to be here of course).

Have you seen the neuro rehab team? If not ask for a referral pdq.

I feel you will be needing more professional support and advice, so do seek it out from whoever you can find.

I think some other people here may be better placed to comment in this particular case.

Good luck

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I'm empathise what you're going thru. Definitely inappropriate for the little one to be hearing such Adult desires, as you've Already stated.

I too mourn for the old me.

Is it possible to train your partner in code words for such things?

Definitely a distressing situation. You standing by a New /different somebody that's your partner.

Hopefully someone on Headway can Help you at a Group etc.

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I think a bi affects a lot of people like this. It may hopefully only be a phase he is going through although as others have said, you need proper help with this if there is a child involved. Have you spoken to the people on the Headway helpline, they may be able to help too.

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Hey everyone . He has an assessment being done His week for him to start attending headway .

I know it’s part of his injury just so hard to get used to . I also

Know he is very bored after failing a phased return to work and no losing his job . I know there is room for improvement.

He does see the Nero rehab team but up untill now they have focused on getting him work ready. Which now as he is losing is job more focus can be made on other things .

The local neuro rehab are doing an in-depth assessment to see where te brain is more damaged and what areas to focus on.

I also think no one understands what I’m going through like friends and family xx

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keep friends and family close but away from your partner or youll find hell drive them away with his moods and youii have no one cruel i know, but thats the harsh reality of a brain injury like this.

with luck the neuro team will come up meds to calm the aggression,which will make your life a little easier, it did for my wife although im unpredictable when i meet strangers as my new psychiatrist and neurologist would tell you!!!

steve

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I don’t have many friends any way . And majority of his behaviours are at home not when we are out x

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Hi Charley I'm with the others that professional advice is probably more appropriate in helping with this problem. I'm more surprised about the failed return to work in that it seems far too early to be considering such a thing but of course that's just my opinion. Was his return to work discussed with his GP?

I started a phased return after just 10 weeks and that was too soon in hindsight.

Good luck I hope you get some help. You could try ringing headway advice number and speaking with them. X

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Hi my other half came home Aug and had his heart set on going back . Although his therapist didn’t think it was a good idea we had to let him do it x

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Hi Charliey. There's a desperation in many of us to prove we're as good as ever we were................certainly not going to be brought down by external forces !

My first optimistic deed on discharge from hospital was ordering a new yellow bicycle (couldn't even walk properly). But it's all about the desperate need for normality after the strangeness of brain injury.

So behaviour can be extreme ; a bit like whistling (really loud) in the dark I suppose. It's a process we all go through, until one day we look back and start to grasp how outrageous some of our behaviour must have seemed.

Although life will be different from now on I really hope that, with help, your man will begin to acknowledge his extreme behaviour and start to resemble the person you can relate to.

Best wishes to you both............. Cat x

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hey charlie i have an abi after a stroke, i swear constantly my behaviour is inappropriate indoors and and out, heres the thing though........................we dont we re saying it until someone picks us up.

he doesnt know hes doing wrong, we dont have filter that tell us.............you cant say that........whatever we are thinking or feeling we say, our tongue is our brain.

a brain injury can do 2 things as far as your sexual appetite is concerned, it can increase, so no matter how many times a day you have sex youll never be satisfied...my consultant told me this after my stroke or depending on the medication you take, youll be medically castrated.

steve

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Hi,charley,

I totally understand how you are feeling,my husband suffered a SAH in August last year and is affected in the same way ,he has become very sneaky and also watches porn all the time,our own sexual relationship has become a disaster as he is only interested in his own satisfaction with no emotion at all.I am finding it so difficult to cope as well,as with you when I say about it ,it stops for a short time then back again.our only help is that we have an appointment with a phycology councillor which can't come soon enough for me and it's not the sort of thing you can talk openly with you family about,but I'm sure this can be worked on,please feel free to message me any time for some mutual support, sending you a big hug as I'm sure that's what we need ❤️

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Hi it’s so nice to see I’m

Not alone in what I’m experiencing . Im hoping this will get better . He’s still early on . We don’t have a “sexual “ relationship as o feel so forced due to how he keeps going on and on . I’ll MessGe your a little later thanks x

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During a phase of my recovery I could be "Out of synch with normal social interaction", my wife's description. Whilst it wasn't sexual, it confounded people and I've still no idea what I was doing.

Being unaware of your own behavior is a common symptom, my wife would say "Time out" to let me know I was misjudging the situation.

If your boyfriend accepts his behaviour is inappropriate a safe word could stop him in his tracks.

Having said that I agree with others this really is the domain of the Rehab team, I'd have serious doubt about seeking help from a generalist psychologist .

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Hi Charliey93 I’ve also got some experience of this. My husband is 5 years post TBI this year and it’s a constant learning curve. Please feel free to message me if you would like to chat some more. Take care, L x

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