struggling with the new me !!

[Teazymaid]

I had been doing really well mentally with my physical and tbi injuries ( all from same accident ) but am now waiting for steroids in one shoulder and x-ray to see if the screw have come loose i the other shoulder as both not so good and scan on hamstring to actually find out what is wrong with it , someone actually listened to me that it still is painful after 20 months and I would like to now what I did to it when I fell … but the big issue came when my husband went to Australia for 5 weeks to see his son and the other son went with him they are both doing the travelling thing witch is brilliant .. but my husband been out there sent me into a crazy ‘ why am I stuck with this beaten up old body and your travelling around Australia taking flights , hiring cars and the one son that has been out there for 6month is only doing 2 weeks with them as he is flying back to his new job ..

I had no problem that my husband was going although I did think that it was too long but said nothing as the flights were booked ..

Sorry that was a bit long but my self pity , jealousy , anger went thought the roof … it was so bad .. came anyone relate to this as I am a fighter to get better .. on the plus my husband is coming home after 3 weeks so I felt the end was near only just over a week not 3 more weeks ..

[Blu37]

Aww it must have been so hard for you , I fully u derstand your feelings you are going through my SAH was last October and at first I was too poorly to think of anyone else , but lately due to the fact I can’t go out on my own due to my dizziness , brain fog and neuro fatigue I have been feeling very down listening to family members just talking casually that they have been to town cafe , shopping etc . I can’t drive anymore and so miss just getting into the car or grabbing the dogs lead and taking him for a walk . Sounds like you are a strong positive person even though some days it might feel not like it , glad hubby home earlier than you expected and yes you are a fighter keep fighting , take care x

[Teazymaid in reply to Blu37]

epley manoeuvre … thank you for your reply I had terrible dizziness and have had the epley manoeuvre down 3 times … each time it has improved and this is the longest I have gone without needing it … 3 months i would say .. not sure if it’s something you could have done … I’m 12 months ahead of you and the brain fog and fatigue is still improving . I can actually so though the day without a sleep 😊 brain fog is even improving as I keep a diary by my side to remember anything .. I bought a waist belt for the dogs as shoulders hurt to much … but I think my best invention was a dogs lead wrapped around my waist and my granddaughter’s buggy as I was desperate to take her out for a walk on my own but I couldn’t pick her up with my shoulders and a family that trusted me to go alone 😁 I wasn’t going to let this win which is why I’m gobsmacked in my decline in my mental health …

[Butterfly28]

Prior to her head injury my sister was a very active person - always on the go. Since her injury she has found it very hard to listen to people talking about holidays, going on trips in the car, meeting for coffee etc Awareness of these things trigger depression in her case - especially if someone made a suggestion that really wasn’t viable - like you should go out for coffee etc Things have improved but it’s still a real sensitivity- a reminder of the life she had.

Hopefully when you get the physical issues you mention sorted out and any pain is under control you will start to feel better in yourself. That seemed to be the case with my sister.

It’s good your husband isn’t going to be away so long. Keep on being positive when you can but if you have down days try not to think of it as self pity. It is hard. Keep posting here.

[Teazymaid]

thank you for your replies .. I am so much better than I was and year ago and nothing like I was straight after the accident 😊. Just found myself struggling mental when my husband went away which was with my blessing … it all hit home the negative side of all the new journey .. nice to know not alone even 20 months later 😊sue

[cat3]

Hi Teazy.. Sorry you're so down ; life with brain injury can be one of the loneliest places on earth. When we've lost so much, physically & intellectually, we're bound to lament our past lives where achievements and enjoyment were taken for granted.

Can I ask .......do you have others (apart from close family) who you enjoy spending time with ? And how mobile are you ? x

[Teazymaid in reply to cat3]

hi I am mobile and go to the gym and do my version of the classes as both shoulders and one hamstring is not so good … yes I have friends who I see from time to time but actually like being on my own …speech therapist suggested volunteering with stroke befriending service as my speech is so much better and I will be starting this soon .. so I do do lots and my injuries so hurt but I just keep going … it was just my husband going away hi lighted what I couldn’t do .. it was /is a very negative side that I thought I had got rid of … the anger !!!! It was terrible at first and have worked hard to control it again But it came back like a tidal wave … sue

[cat3]

Oh the anger Sue ! But surely it comes from fear and confusion rather than spite. I still struggle with rage ; mostly at inanimate objects. My reduced dexterity often leads to catastrophes and I have to remember to walk away rather than smashing stuff like a 3year old.

And people talking at me with no regard for cognitive overload is also a big trigger, and I have a very close relationship with the mute button when watching tv.

Your plan to take on stroke befriending could be a massive boost to your mood as well as your independence. Voluntary work is as rewarding and valuable as any paid work and the feeling of worth can be life-changing, especially after a long period of despair.

I'm not sure what I feel about your husband's lengthy stint in Australia other than I'm not surprised you were completely thrown by it. Having someone around (if only for back-up/moral support/emergencies) as you continue testing your abilities, is a pretty basic need in the early years..

I hope your man's homecoming will bring some stability and peace of mind.

Best wishes Sue. Keep in touch.. Cat x

[Teazymaid]

maybe fear and confusion is a great part of the anger as I’ve never tried to analysis it .. I certainly have lots of fear of what I actually am .. I’ve not got a place to be .. lost my purpose is life . This may be why it has been difficult mentally to see others living there lives when I don’t know what I will achieve in the future .. I was ok for my husband to go but had no idea what it was going to do to me .. thank you for your comments as I think you have help me place the anger issues . Sue x

[LouBL0u in reply to Teazymaid]

Hi

I understand, I’ve been fiercely independent my whole life and have had to medically retire post TBI almos 4 years ago. Now we have to set boundaries ( I might go for a tiny walk on my own if in a social situation to re-charge) or just leave! I don’t want to “need” hubby but be like we were. It’s hard to see yourself and realise these things. In my head I can still go anywhere and do anything and the realisation recently that I can’t is sad. It sounds like you have open communication and for me that’s key .. good luck all

[Teazymaid in reply to LouBL0u]

, post traumatic stress included in this , I then worked as a mental health support worker … all of these pathways in my life made communication very important …

I can’t say my communication skills were good after TBI as it just came out with no thought pattern and no off button plus a void emotions .. I seem to only have anger at every thing including walking alone and wall papering up steps with extreme dizziness and collar bone in half and the other one an impingement , a damaged hamstring and the head neck injuries … ( this does make me smile now ) I just wanted to me me and like you hated asking for help .. nothing can prepare you for this journey and again I have taken a step back mentally .. but will survive .. hopefully being in this group is so good to be able to ask people who more often than not understand .. sue x

[cat3]

💐x