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Hi my hubbie was sent home a month early from his rehab hospital as they said they had done all that they could in that particular unit. I was given just a few hours notice and his careplan was not in place. I didn't have an emergency number and it all went a bit wrong over the weekend. He wanted the car keys (can't drive for a year) & was having what the hospital now say are paranoid delusions which they anticipate will get worse. It was frightening and I had to get my neighbours in. He has only been home an week and was full of cold initially. Long story short they now want to readmit him to a hospital well over an hour away for structured rehabilitation. I know if he goes in he won't eat or sleep and it will be a disaster. I visited him every day for the whole of his stay so far (three months) but I will only be able to visit once or twice a week in this new place as you can only go after 5 30 pm and I live well over an hour away and the road is awful. We have no family local. They say there is nothing they can offer with this situation at home or in a day unit. He hasn't even started Headway yet or had any help or therapy since leaving the hospital. There are obvious issues with delusions about wanting to save the planet due to the horrible news I think he sees on the Internet (also constant blunt sexual demands at the wrong time which are becoming very very annoying) but does anyone else have any thoughts on this please from your own experiences. My gut feeling is give the poor man a chance to have some structure and a homelife for a bit and not take this stand but I feel pressured by the Consultant and fear I am possibly making an ill informed decision. Thank you

12 Replies

I know how hard it is! use your instincts, become his legal advocate, and see how he gets on in the new place, he might be ok and eat and drink after all,if you are not happy after a week then re think. Make sure you have acsess to his care plan and that it is followed. Good luck x

What is this rehab they want him to have? What benefits will it have and how long is it? You need to think will it turn out to be a good thing in long term? Like will it improve his quality of life afterwards? If yes then it would be worth him having if not there's not much point. Isn't there a way you could give it a go for like a week then see if it's working or not.

AVENA in reply to keeley24

It is intensive rehab to provide stucture apparently. My hubbie detests hospital or indded any form of control or authority, he is like a caged animal and physically fine. I think we have to look at the fact that he will constantly be distressed and rebel so anything they try to do he will probably undo! Can't see it working based on the last few weeks experience.

Is your husband aware of what they want him to have? Maybe discus it with him if possible as obviously if he is against it it can't do any good so would be no point. Anyone's recovery is 99% down to them accepting anything that is offered and putting effort in themselves. No one can do the recovery for them.

AVENA in reply to keeley24

Very well explained - I have advised him and he says that it will destroy him to go back in. He wants a good crack at Headway and time at home to try to get better.

Hi, my dad has a hypoxic brain injury, and used to, and still does have paranoid dillusions and when he had his rehab, it really did not work for him as he hated being there, and because he does not have the capacity to access when he's in danger, he had to be in a locked ward incase he got snd and got ran over and he hated it.

For us, and him it wasn't the best option for him, and we have since realised that as he constantly gets confused to where he is, he was way more confused and unsettled in unfamiliar surroundings.

Obviously every person is different, and what works for one person , Isn't always best for the next but in my dads case, we have realised since that he is way more settled and making little bits of recovery at home.

Suppose it was an easier decision for my mum as us kids were here to help her 24/7 and we do, including taking turns to stay over night and my mum still struggles.

He can be really hard to deal with some days, and sometimes can be a little aggressive but NOWHERE near as bad as he was six months ago for aggression thank god.

I think even tho the rehab didn't work out for my dad, think my mum really enjoyed the break at the time as since his memory is affected, he calls her constantly all through the day as he can't remember he's just called her and it must send her insane.

Really hope I have not put you off, but really want to share our personal experience and hope if you do choose to keep your husband at home, that you can hopefully get help at home as it can be very tiring. Good luck in whatever decision you make, and wish you both all the luck in the world

AVENA in reply to Devaiur59

Thank you that is fantastic advice. My gut feeling says to try to the route that you did as I know it will be best. Worth a go anyway!!!!!!

Avena hi , personal I think it’s a bad idea but everyone is different and I’m only speaking from my experience. If at all possible just be patient and get help etc , he is going to be vulnerable , give him a few weeks that’s my personal opinion and see how it goes etc,

AVENA in reply to Pat-rick1

Hi Pat-rick1 I agree totally. Had a brilliant meeting with Headway today and hoping to get a day a week there initially. A far more productive and healthy approach!

avena hi, im a man with a brain injury, part of this is your fault for accepting him back without having a care plan in place ( you have the right to refuse ), you are now finding out bits of what its like to live with a person with a brain injury.

may i suggest you look on the net for films that will show you what its like to live with aperson with a bi, my wife had a melt down at work, i now see a psychiatrist,ive see a neuro psychiatrist and ive recently been diagnosed with epilepsy.

i take medication for mood swings, im noise intollerant, i have no filters so what comes out of my mouth thats it, whether its hurtful or not.

all this you may have to put up with, goodluck

steve x

I lost my battle, my hubbie has been readmitted to an intensive rehabilitation unit nearly 70 miles away from home for four to six months, possibly longer. Agreed to go but is now being held after retracting the agreement - utterly devastated.

It is quite understandable he wants to drive as the bus services are not very well promoted in the UK and without being able to drive it is very frustrating. I am happy to share my experience as nobody told me not to drive but I ended up in a huge collision on a motorway. Another time I hit the kerb and turned the car over. It's not a good idea to drive with TBI in my experience so that is why I do all I can to promote public transport which does save the planet.

It is certainly not delusional to want to save the planet as your husband says he wants to so that is what I am doing too. It is difficult to live with TBI and I am sure I am difficult to live with especially if people want to tell me what to do.

I hope everything works out well for you and wish you all the best.

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