Can anyone please give me any advice on what to do - Headway


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Can anyone please give me any advice on what to do

cazza77 profile image

My husband had a head injury in 2004 which he nearly died.He went to rehabilitation to abut a year after but felt he was OK now.The thing is to look at him and speck to him you don't think hes got nothing wrong he works fullfime ,and is a very caring person,fantastic dad and husband.i have noticed little things that he does but never did before.sometimes when you speak to him he doesn't hear you its like he switchers of.I try and talk about this but never know if he his listening.Also he seems to find it had with showing emotion for instants if hes tired and snaps at me even though he knows its upset me he doesn't show it.We don't go out very much when we do i can't enjoy my self because when he drinks we never know how his mood will be and if the wrong thing is said he turns nasty,some off the things he says are really upsetting and its just not him to say these things.The day after he regrets what he as said and apologises.He as only been like this since we got married which is when little things started to happen.Is it possible that it could be down to the head injury and any advice has to make him realise and get help.I love my husband so much but i can't keep letting this go with just as sorry. Someone please help me

16 Replies

i have trouble showing emotion because i no longer no what i am supposed to feel, i know what society expects, but expressing that emotion is like when they asked sheldon to smile on big bang theory its forced

i switch off to because i cant cope with stress very well,

i think he needs to stop drinking or drink moderately if alcohol causes him to turn nasty, i am not sure how you would approach this though

is he seeing anyone for his head injury

He dosent see anybody,We have never been offered any help or advice apart from being told that he would probley find some things harder than being.Regarding his drinking we dont get out very often even then he dosent drink that much i supose its same as being at home he can just go from a really good mood to a bad one.Because he wasent advised about anythin after he left hospital he finds it difficult to admit that there is a problem.He wasnt like this before he had the accident we never even had a cross words with eachother.I just dont know who the best person is for him to see or even if it could be down to is head injury as know one told us anything.

i think you really need some professional guidance of what to do next

i would ring the helpline It's a free, confidential service, open 9am-5pm.

You can contact them on 0808 800 2244

or send them a e-mail if u prefer like i do

is your husband having any medication which could interact badly with alcohol ? Just a thought,and maybe only one aspect of the problem, but it's an issue for me and perhaps worth considering ? The others have given you the best advice, Headway helpline. You sound like you're at the end of your tether & need professional support. Good luck X

wow as a sh survivor i recognise all the signs yep we do ge tired and we are demanding and snap my only advice is to work through it try not to patronise with comments that may be misconstrued as agressive or judgemental just a reassuring word that you will both work this through together if you do get desperate ask your gp for a refera; to a neuro phycologist but dont give up it will be ok in the end whenever that might be but the end when you both get there will be worth it

This all sounds so typical of head injury recovery & I'm shocked you weren't offered more guidance. Have you contacted Headway at all? They are supportive and have many leaflets explaining recovery. There are also local Headway meetings which might help you to talk to other people who have been through/are going through the same experiences as you and your husband.

'Lability' (think that's spelt right) is a typical response to head injury, where emotions are all over the place. I would be fine and 'upbeat' one moment, and miserable and aggressive the next. My husband has been through many times when I've shouted at him and said mean things & it wasn't that it was hard to control my temper, more that I just didn't understand how to act with him. I expect he also finds conversations hard to maintain as the head injured person can't cope with so much interaction with other people as they could before.

I hope you manage to get some help as you must really need it - good luck x

p.s. it does take a LONG time to recover; don't worry that his head injury was 2004, mine was 2000 and I'm still learning to cope.

bikerlifestyle profile image
bikerlifestyle in reply to

totally agree, i am 17 years in and still struggling,

Hello Cazza77

maybe i can shine some light on this ,through my own experience im wondering when i read this story your talking about me or anyone in this forum , i never use to be able to show any emotion and in the right mood the brick wall comes up again , the emotion thing for me came into it as i was in hospital id rather not think what my injuries was or how i was going to cope and it seems like an inbuilt thing in the human psyche, the only way to cope for me was to turn them off because the only way to cope was to not feel sorry for myself because if i did i knew id breakdown and cry and that's what i didn't need at the time ! i would think your husband is suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome ... sometimes its good to push yourself and sometimes its not ... the pressure of not only looking after himself and his family now is building and him coping with his injury too , i use to go out drinking just to blow off steam it seamed that if i drank i could cope with another week , im sure if your husband read this what im writing here would relate to everything im saying , he needs to talk about this to a psychologist or someone close he needs to let them emotions come out and let someone listen to him ... he would probably say no way but talking about what ya feel does help , feels like your sharing a burden , i keep repeating myself here like i told Nick here the hardest thing is willing to accept your life how it is and leaving the old one behind its a hell of a psychological struggle and you do need help with it .. tell him if you drop your wall the world doesn't end and you do stop crying , it just felt like at the time for me if i did id be weak and i wouldn't be able stop if i started !

I hope this shines a bit of light on this

My best wishes to you both Paul !

hi on the side of not hearing you i had the same problem after a brain injury i would as my wife say be spaced out have blank periods and would have blackouts where i would just collapse this was eventually put down as absence seizures, which are a mild form of epilepsy i was prescribed a drug called epilym and have since been free of these blank periods. the emotion side of things have changed as sometimes i become overwhelmed and on times feel no emotion at all and thats 15 years after my accident

hi ya, its not you. if hes been like that since getting married it may be due to him having no emotions. i dont. he will then feel bad about the things he said and upsetting you. that causes another emotion and it all gets too much but admitting it is another thing. he may not even realise his emotions are messed up. well he may know but he cant talk about it. yes i do believe this is the head injury. all my friends and my long term boyfriend have left me because of the same reason. most cant handle it, sounds like he does need help from a phycologised (cant spell anymore) that will help him understand about his emotions. he cant do it alone, simple as. i still see mine and can ring her anytime and she comes straight out. i have recently even fallen out with my little brother and my mum cause i refuse to go to his wedding, i dont trust my mouth and as i dont do emotions i think i may say something that will upset them. he may suffer the same, he upsets people when he cant handle a situation, he wont admit it though so its best not to ask, it will cause an arguement. i guess you will have to read behind the lines and think why hes having the reaction he is. good luck i know we are a hard lot to understand x

Candace8 profile image
Candace8 in reply to Candace8

oh and by the way i too just switch off. drives my daughter mad. i dont know why. maybe its because i clearly cant do listening and thinking at the same time. its like a switch is pressed all of a sudden for no reason. i dont even know its happened. i just go into my own world and dont have a clue its happened x

I am a wife of someone who has a brain injury. Its very difficult living with someone like your partner. They can become very selfish and the day can just be about them. They have problems with mood swings and i find my husband has problems with social situations that get worse with his drinking too. He can get louder, more abrupt and rude. I don't like being in his company when he drinks either. He has been advised not to drink since his injury but refuses to accept this.

Are there any brain injury support services close to you, try to google it. We get help through the nhs where my husband sees a neuro-phsycologist, speech therapist and occupational therapist. I can pass on my concerns about his behaviour mostly social ones to them and they talk to him about it. He listens better to professionals than me.

Its very difficult, i understand! But its important to get support for you too! Your health is important too.

Hope you find some professional help, it really works.

if your hubby was diagnosed with toretts after his brain injury you would learnt to ignor his ticks and swaring, let them go over your head yes?. try to think of his new personality as the result of his tbi like a disorder. It must be hard for you . If he had not had a tbi you maybe thinking of giving up and divorcing on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour? so maybe it is easier to blame or find an excuse for his ways.Luckerly you have one. as all the folks above have told you it is common to be that way following a head injury. only you will know if it is the tbi or the real him. Talk to him and have a sign/signal you can show him to let him know he is doing it. no words just a sign language type thing. no not the "V's" teehee...maybe the sign where 2 hands make the shape of a heart to show you are hurting? x

i have only just seen this email... it actually sounds like you are explaining my husband !!! he had his injury in 2007 and i married him a year later. We have the mood swings the outbursts, the difficulty when we go out to socialise of him being offensive to people, and yes he holds down a job and is usually very caring. I actually got to the last straw and gave my husband the ultimatem of seeking help or divorce, thats how bad my life got with him. Fortunately he chose seeking help . We went to his gp and was referred to a neuro phsycologist who was and still is fantastic !!! my husband was diagnosed with dis executive functioning, whilst he wasnt prtescribed and medication, he had regular cognitive behavioural therapy sessions. Whilst he will never be the man i fell in love with all them years ago, he is the man i chose to marry. Whilst he still has these outbursts, the latest one at weekend where he was threatening to kill himself, I now feel i can deal with these more aptly. I fully second other recommendations of phoning headway, they are truly angels on the end of the phone xx good luck and keep smiling as tough as it gets,Your husband is a lucky man to have you . We lost most of our friends and close family through time as they couldnt handle the NEW husband.xx

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