Warning!! Sexual content

Where do I start with this one?? It's been a while since I posted on here! 9 weeks after my husbands bi he came home! He was determined to get home in time for Christmas for me and our boys. The nurses and doctors couldn't believe how well he had recovered in such a short space of time!

While in hospital I give my husband his phone back and he began texting me, he showed real emotion in his words and that was very comforting for me as it showed it was the real him and his feelings for me hadn't changed. He then began sending sexual messages which I expected because he has always been a very sexually active person! We both have for that matter.

Anyway back on track two days after being home we decided to stay in bed for the morning! It wasn't long before his hands started wondering and you can imagine what happened next! Well what should have happened next! My husband was unable to get a erection.

He was very confused and very annoyed with himself! I told him that it's early days and the last thing his brain is thinking about is sex. Since this incident we haven't tried again. He keeps talking about it saying he is a failure! It has made him slip into a mode of depression.

He keeps asking when it will come back I just keep saying when your brains ready. I myself have a better understanding than him so I dealt with this in a normal way and tried to be as confident and caring to this matter.

I'm wondering if anyone else as been in this situation and how they dealt with it? He is also saying he wants to go to the gp for medication for it or order something off the Internet. I don't believe the latter will resolve this issue.

What I don't understand is while he was in hospital he told me he had a erection serveral times but since homing home nothing.

May I also add he is still in a lot of pain with his broken elbows and a broken wrist from a recent fall in hospital while left unattended.

Thanks for reading

22 Replies

  • I have the same with my hubby but as you know he just ignors it and trys to carry on

    Which is not good

    When i try and talk to him he just says there aint nothing wrong

    But i think deep down he does

    He wont go doctors so i just turn into a yes person

    I think the best bet for you is go to your doctors if your hubby is willing to do that

    Goid luck chick x

  • Thanks for replying! How far into your husbands bi are you? I have been messaged by another wife and she told me her husband was the same and it did come back eventually! X

  • 4th july 2016 was his bi

  • irishrose48 - Could be he may not trust talking with the doctors about it or he thinks they may not give him a good solution.

  • No he just dont care

    He has no feelings or amotion

  • I'm so sorry. That has got to be frustrating and saddening for you losing his having feelings, emotions and caring for you.

  • It is what it is

    And am oast the stage of giving a shite x

  • God that must be awful for you! My husbands emotions have changed but I know deep down his old self is in there! Some days are better than others! Yesterday in particular he was vile with me and my son! Couldn't even look at us all day. Then I worked it out he hadn't had a rest in the afternoon so today I have sent him to bed. Does he not tell you he loves you anymore? Or cuddles you in bed or anything? X

  • No nothing

    But like i said it is what it is

    Am at the point were i like him dont give a monkeys

  • Even without a BI one lost erection can send some men into a spiral of self doubt...especially if this has never been an issue before... and sometimes it just happens and pretty much every man will experience this at some point.

    With all that your husband has going on with his injured brain and body it is not all that surprising but maybe if he went to see the doc (especially a male who will understand his concerns) they could reassure him. The one thing he definitely does not need is to order (and then take drugs) from the internet - who knows what is in those things and they could end up doing him harm.

    I wish you both luck in dealing with this.

  • Thanks for replying! Don't worry they will be no orders placed on the internet for any medicines! It's still very early days so I'm thinking he just needs more time he's only been home two weeks and still in a lot of pain with his arms so I'm not too concerned! It's more him I'm worried about I don't want him slipping into depression x

  • Sounds like it was a big part of him? And your relationship before?

    Also sounds like it’s still in early days/months, there will be knockbacks sadly even if he’s progressing very well.

    In terms of Errections in hospital could be mourning glory, or simply getting excited which doesn’t have to be sexual oddly enough! I suspect he’s physically capable but maybe it’s still too early maybe we’ll be worth talking to Hospital about it?

  • Thanks Roger

    Yes it was a big part of our relationship! Even 18 years down the line and we still wanted each other just as much as when we did when we first met! I'm going to leave the subject closed with him for the time being! With Christmas a few days away I suspect this will be taking a lot out of him also! We have two small children also so peace and quiet in our house is limited! He's sleeping during the day. It wasn't morning glory or excited when in hospital it was when he was sending me sexual messages and I replied back! If that makes sense x

  • Hi Vikkif1982,

    Thank you for your post.

    I just wanted to let you know we do have some information on sex after brain injury on our website at headway.org.uk/about-brain-...

    It's certainly not unusual for people to see differences in sex drive after a brain injury, and our information discusses some of the physical and psychological reasons for it, as well as possible treatment.

    Please don't hesitate to contact us if you'd like any further information.

    Best wishes,


  • Yep been there and ignored it....like the man I am.

    That was some years ago. I finally ( through frustration) ask my gp for advice.

    He did his tests and waited. Everything seemed okis. Not completely satisfied with my results we did them again.

    The result my hormones had switched off. I tried patches then gel then finally injections.

    I am pleased ( so is my wife) that these have worked.



  • vikkif1982 my bi was in feb 2012 and with my medication i havent got one up since, im technically chemically castrated.

  • I have not been able to.perform for 6 years now the start was so painfull for me then not been able to go the way i made excuses i was very tired and in so much pain. At the urologist dept i have gone through meds injections pumps and told nothing else left . I thought my wife would have gone some were else but no she has stud by me . I am looking at an inplant now but that is £12000.00 private . I found it very difficult when my wife came on to me, as i new i could not go all the way , penetration wise so i had to do my best with other psrts of my body. I cant say that i enjoy it as i used to as i cant. Frustration and anger do kick in and concluding do help. I am looking forward to getting this opp and hope this works. I hope you to can talk to your husband but dont pressurised him into any thing . All the best in the future.

  • No of course I'm not going to pressure him into anything! It's his choice and he even mentioned it this morning about going to the gp. I have told him it maybe a good idea to wait a while as it's only 11 weeks since his accident and I feel the gp will probably say the same! Like I said in my previous post it's making him depressed.

    Thanks for your advice x

  • It still is soon and talking to the gp will give him some answers. Also medication can play a part in this. It is very common ihate to say. Headway have give me lots of support to, just talking to others helped me. I never felt like a man or the bread winner any more.

  • Right, here we go, I'm not shy, or proud :)

    23 years post BI and I've had the exact same problem myself. The key is not to be embarrassed and see a doctor. I was prescribed the wonder blue pills and they worked a treat. So much so that after a short while I didn't need to use them again. I have an enormous stash, so to speak, but I've not used any for years now.

    Best of luck...

  • They never worked for me i also had two types of injections still nothing. I was told nhs do the inplant now. Its been 6 years

  • Vikkif1982

    Don't go to the online medications, you dont know whats in them..

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