Little bit of a disaster part 3

Last bit.

So I've been thinking about the situation and I was finally coming around to having another go with the relationship. But.

Nav (finally) started having CBT for her anxiety on Friday. After the session, she sent me a long message saying that she's got a lot of problems and that she's not in a good place. She does have a lot of issues, but I was just fine with helping her through them. Anyway, she tells me that she doesn't think she can be in our relationship without her issues being sorted out. She told me that she loves me so much and that she wishes she didn't feel the way she does.

I was surprised.

I'm pretty gutted, she cheats on me and then tells me how much she loves me and wants to get back together, and then I get this slap in the face when I finally start to come around to the idea of getting back together.

Thoughts and advice as to how to proceed please.

8 Replies

  • Move on! try and make new friends, allow her to sort herself out and then simply be freinds if you can handle that,there is a lid for every pot,you just havenot found yours yet all the best

  • Hi Ben, sorry about all your problems but unfortunately at your age they are not unusual. When one of a couple goes away for any length of time, things and people change. That is not to say that you won't one day get back together but at the moment she needs time and space to sort out what she wants from life. If you push things to get her back, in a few months or a few years, you might both find out that it was the wrong thing to do.

    Tell her you love her too, but that you will back off and let her sort out her issues. If she is having CBT at least she is getting help. Then carry on your life - you will miss her but it will get easier each day. Life is too short for you to be stuck waiting to see what she decides she wants to do. Get out and meet other people, enjoy yourself and life will get easier for you. I know that you won't believe me at the moment but you could well meet someone else and go on to live happily ever after with them without all the problems that your present girl could bring to the relationship.

    Hope it goes well for you.

  • Sorry to hear of your painful experience but she has shown you she is untrustworthy, believe what you’ve seen. You deserve SO much better Ben. Don’t settle for not being treated with love and respect. All the best,

  • Another vote to move on, maybe stay as friends if that works? Doesn’t sound workable at the moment?

  • You may need to separate. Let her work on her issues. You get on with your life. Then you may get to a place where you can establish a healthy friendship but it may not be viable. You know the old saying let it go and if it’s meant to be it will come back.

  • Hi, I have no doubt that it feels terrible right now.

    I definitely agree that you should consider this relationship over and take clear steps to put it behind you. However, I would not try to stay a friend right now. Maintaining contact will be very painful and it usually keeps people from actually mentally and emotionally making the break that they need. There is time in the future (1 year+ from now) for being a friend. First you have to: 1. Stop wanting to be her life partner and 2. Find new healthier and more supportive relationships. That deserves your time and energy and positivity.

    It is good that she acknowledges her love for you. You do not have to feel that it was a sham. Unfortunately, there are dozens of reasons why two people who love each other should not be together. Keep your goodwill toward her and go find someone who will appreciate and return that love consistently.

    Sorry you are having to go through this. Things will definitely get better.

  • Thank you all for your comments :) I'm going to leave all this to cool off for a month or so. I need to accept it all and move on slowly. It's still a disaster, but i suppose we'll just have to see how all this pans out!

  • Certainly seems like time to let go Ben. You're wise to start moving in a different direction when a relationship offers only confusion and contradictions.

    Life feels bleak when you thought you'd found the 'one' doesn't it, but be prepared for many more 'tries' before finding someone with whom everything just fits, both ways..................minus the complications.

    First & foremost look after yourself, and make time for friends and new experiences. I hope something amazing is waiting around a not too distant corner.

    Cat x

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