My wife suffered an abi in March 2011 as a result of bacterial meningitis and vasculitis. She was comatose for a few weeks and in hospital for more than 3 months.
Her personality changed in various ways, primarily a lack of motivation, but also poor planning, problem solving and memory. She had a good professional job but does not work now.
Since then I have tolerated a great deal of nastiness and aggression, a bit of violence, and an enormous amount of being taken utterly for granted. She is frequently irrational and unreasonable, which I find particularly difficult to bear. All this has taken its toll on our relationship and my feelings for her.
She does not accept the changes that have happened to her. She resents bitterly her lack of independence and dependence on me, which I think explains her unwillingness to accept my contribution. Overall she has an extremely negative view of me, and twists whatever I say to fit this viewpoint.
She drinks a lot. Tonight she came back at 1900 from helping at a school disco with our two daughters. She was legless, barely able to support her weight. The girls, 5 and 7, get upset when mummy is 'wobbly'.
We're having couples therapy but she's closed to even the slightest suggestion that she might have done something not quite right. She had private psychotherapy for 6months to no effect whatsoever - actually a negative effect, probable because she wasn't being honest. I sacked the therapist.
I'm tired of being the engine of the house. I'm tired of being overlooked, of being the bottom of the pile. It tired of the drunkenness and the embarrassment. How is it possible to love someone who brings nothing but all this grief after this amount of time?