Yesterday a friend called aroundand asked me to locate on my PC her application to attend a conference with her church which I had helped her with some 6 or 7 months ago. I was staggered by her request. What application? Which church? When did that happen? What is she talking about? The questions ran around in my brain at speed whilst I was desparteley trying to locate these events in my brain. My recollection of this was zero. I was shocked and gutted. I had helped my friend months after my brain illness and even now I only have a very vague memory of this activity. I admit I started to cry, not for myself but for my friend I had let her down and could see no way of fixing the situation. Plus I was sittingnext to her in a world of confusion and shock and if I am honest I was more than a little embarrassed.
I tookthe plunge and toldmy friend that I was very sorry to not recall this and explained to her that I would be grateful if she would not in future ask me to help her in this way as I was unreliable. This is the truth. I am no longer reliable although most definatley not through choice. Another painful lesson learned by me. Boy does brain injury teach you humility and often it is not easy.
This is not a negative post. I do not feel negative about this but I did want to share it Clare
Written by
CH56Twin
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I'm many years post-injury. I still grieve a little each time I recognise something I can't do which is (probably) a result of my BI, I don't think I've fully come to terms with it yet and I'm not sure I ever will.
Does your friend have any understanding of your current predicament? If not do you think she would lend an ear? Perhaps as a church-goer she may possibly be more predisposed to compassion than others (which I realise is a horrible generalisation).
Did she take what you said badly or did she seem sympathetic? I can pretty much guarantee that you felt worse about not remembering than she did...I hope she didn't take what you said in the wrong way!
Luckily I have very little memory of my life pre-injury and I was probably a bit young for self-awareness when it happened so I sort of have to take things in my stride, but it must be devastating to be able to recognise ways in which you are different from your former self - a burden which I have been spared! It's easy for me to say, but it does get better...you seem to have a reasonable awareness of your injury and I hope your new reality sort of beds in and you learn coping mechanisms. I'm sure your friends wouldn't refuse your help because you're not not a reliable as you once were either!
Thank you for your comments and what I feel is a very supportive response.
I have to be honest my friend is a very self centred person, who genarally has little compassion for others. This might sound cruel,but it is the truth. I do not condemn her for this, because this is who she is and it is very much a one sided friendship,in that I do and have always done the supporting of her. She has had a difficult time in her domestic life which has involved her own serious illness , family disputes and I am afraid to say the police. So historically over the last ten years I have been a safe haven for her and an ear to listen. This has now changed somewhat due to my brain illness last year. However this friend has not really taken this on board and still leans on me today.
To put it bluntly she has a very low emotional intelligence and was not able to comfort me when I gotupset. This is not who she is and I know this about her. Not all of us have the skills or gifts for compassion for others and sadly she is one of these people. She is still, however, one of my friends. We have a good laugh together very often, and if I can manage her ignoring what I have to say about my problems, I can manage the friendship.
I guess every friendship is different and to some degree I think this is a good thing - a little bit of variety does us good! This particular friendship has also helped me to value my friends who are able to support me and the relationships that I have which are more balanced. Once again Joe thank you very much for your supportive response. Clare
Claire love im the same as we all are in forgetting just part of bi never love feel enbarrased and your bi well for me .I find sometimes ill have a great insight to people emotions . and we see things. think things different . we are special people ,
and our brains are trying to do things we use to be able to do and this is what I feel
I have moments were I can say to people or site or staff like a million miles an hour
it feels like for me and say some really wonderful words like im a poet or sound ok and forget what ive said halfway through and im not ok im sure your friend will understand,
I find always express your feelings to the site staff members or talk to helpline staff
ive really except what I have and all other illnesses that's me I just want understanding people to have there for me and we all have on the site . and helpline staff ladies
our angels we all experience different thoughts and emotions and its our bi .
I have got used to not remembering things, be they people or events and so on. Oddly as long as it's organised I'm reliable since devices know where I should be etc!
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Loss of a friend :(
New Girlfriend is very supportive 
Woman on the Edge ... looking at my life and being misjudged
Brain haemorrhage (ABI) medical care expectations
