My name is Nick and I'm an alcoholic...

[MXman]

Well had my second council session at headway today and it was fantastic absolutely fantastic. I titled this post because I want to be completely honest with all my headway people here and it's tough having a head injury bi when you are alcoholic. I have been sober in recovery for over 2 and half years and loving it. But last May the recovery was knocked out of me. No I didn't drink or even felt like drinking just felt alone, scared, fearful, cold and isolated like I used to feel when drinking especially in hospital.

Trouble is Brain injury recovery is very very similar to alcoholic recovery In that no one understands what your going through unless they have the same problem. Only another alcoholic can understand what you are going through if your alcoholic and that's the same for brain injury. I have herd it so many times about the invisible illnes of bi and we all want T shirts saying "brain injury survivor on them" you can't see the bi so people think your ok. My parents think I'm ok and I'm far from it. Alcoholism is an illness and the solution is not just to stop drinking there so much more to it than that. You have to learn about who you are and take stock of what you were and I'm going through that too along with massive changes in thinking and the new version of me.

Sharing stories, experiences and life here helps us all and it's really helped me with learning about bi and what the effects are upon general life and what to expect too in the future.

My councilor at headway is completely honest with me and I am with her and have been about my life today, she has a good knowledge of the AA program which is a god send for me as we hit it off from day one. A spiritual connection is very important to me and to how I talk to people today, It's the only way forward.

Long may it continue with my progress at headway and if your thinking about going don't think to long or you will miss the opportunity of a life changing chance.

Have a great evening people. Nick xx

[moo196]

Well done Nick.....onwards !

[MedicalAngel]

Hi Nick

Thank you for sharing with us. Whatever shape your recovery brings - both with your BI & your addiction, long may your progression continue xx

[MXman in reply to MedicalAngel]

Thank you MA, one day at a time.

[cat3]

Recovery is a long process isn't it Nick and for you the 'Invisible' nature of the issues has been two-fold. Well done to you for sticking with the sobriety.

I have a friend who's given up the struggle & won't accept help or input from professionals or well meaning friends. He's in the throws of killing himself ; it's tragic how good people can be snared by this powerful addiction.

It touches my heart to see how you've escaped that trap and saved your loved ones from despair. You should be proud ! xx

[MXman in reply to cat3]

Wow thank you Cat for your kind words, very powerful. For me the only way to have freed my mind would have been death and thats something I thought about on a daily basis and thank God it didn't happen.

One of my character defects is that I love country music (sorry little joke there) but I do love it. I listen to the country channels on the internet all the time and was listening to a track on Tuesday which had the lyrics in the verse " I put the bottle to my head and pulled the trigger" it runs goosebumps over me now just typing it as its so simple yet so true.

I am proud cat but more so I am so so grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous as this has changed my life and given me life.

Similar to this here forum and Headway. You have to be grateful for stuff.

Have a fantastic Friday Cat and keep looking up N XX

[cat3 in reply to MXman]

You too Nick xx

[cat3 in reply to cat3]

Forgot to say ; Even I got goose-bumps from those lyrics. I've heard the song & can only conclude that he's been there himself ! x

[randomphantoms]

Wow Nick

Truly impressive. Awe and admiration for your achievements so far. These are really big things.

I am so happy that the counselling is helping .

Now I'm really curious to read of your continued progress.

Love n hugs to you and the family

Xoxo

[MXman in reply to randomphantoms]

It's more than helping it's giving me a new way of thinking. Scarey.

[Kirk5w7]

Hi Nick and well done to you, I really mean that. I have a nephew who is in recovery, I know only too well the long hard road you are treading. And with a BI too my respect to you xx

Janet x

[MXman in reply to Kirk5w7]

Hi Janet it's a hard road but it's one day at a time so not so bad.

[BaronC]

Good on ya mate. Staggering honesty and I for one applaud exactly that. It's never easy to talk about addiction, let alone to a bunch of strangers! Whatever step this is on your long road I hope there are many many more to come.

Keep on keeping on

Andy

[MXman in reply to BaronC]

Thank you Baron, I have found honesty the hard part as I was always lying about everything especially to myself. Now it's the only way forward. Have a good evening. Nick

[neilhapgood]

Hi nick,

Thanks so much for such an honest and interesting post, I really took a lot from it. I did some research into drug addiction and one thing that interested me is their term for non addicts which is normies, like you say the implication being that is you haven't been through it you can't understand it, I put some stuff into a website you might find of some interest you, the address is braininjuryftp.com. Thanks again, top man for being so honest, all the best, neil

[MXman in reply to neilhapgood]

Hi Neil, fantastic web site I'm still reading through it, now iv come back here iv realised its you. Get like that sometimes a bit slow brain injuries for you. Love what you said about normies we have normal drinkers just the same as normies. I would love to chat with you some time. Have a great evening.

I'm struggling with the emotional side of recovery but it's getting better, I just didn't have any after the accident, no love or emotion but it's coming back p.

Wow just read your bizarre section on your website. Know exactly how you feel exactly. The language item is fascinating I wasn't that good with language before bi but I'm much better now but I do sometimes find myself pausing for words that I know are in there but I can't get them out, like a restricted path to my words from my brain. It's really frustrating when people your talking to stare right at you and then fill in the words. Not good.

Nick

[angelite]

Hi Nick,

I really appreciate your bravery and honesty. The fact that you reached out and chose to seek help for your problem speaks volumes about your inner strength and courage. I have witnessed the destruction of H addiction within my family many years ago - glad to say they got the help they needed to start living again : ) Then along comes the BI to make life all the more challenging for you ! It's a lot to get to grips with but thankfully you seem to be winning : )

In spite of all you have been and are still going through ( and perhaps even because of it ) you have shown great empathy and support to myself and others on here in our times of need. Thankyou : )

Angela x

[MXman in reply to angelite]

Thank you Angela, part of AA recovery is to help others and take yourself out of self. If I can one person in AA or with a brain injury for one day then that's How it should be. X

[copes1]

Well done! My neighbour's are recovering alcoholics so I know a little bit of what you say. As the others have said onwards and upwards. Headway have been brilliant with me so I know you will get all the support you need. Take care of yourself. One stepat a time xx

[peaches2]

Well, well, you are a bloomin' good man, that's all I can say! Well done you, it's a struggle coping with one thing but two....that takes a real honest, determined person and you sure are that! Keep up the goodwork cos you're soooo worth it! Lots of love mister! It's these kind of honest posts that make me feel proud to be part of this group! xx

[MXman in reply to peaches2]

Thank you peaches. I have found that honesty is the only way. I have wanted to talk about it here since I joined in July last year but had to get my head round it first, easier said than done.

[suemoff]

Nick

Wow, I am bowled over by your openness, I'm sure it would have been so much easier to keep a few skeletons in the closet, but you have laid it all out there and are tackling your issues head on while still managing to work. I'm sure it is massively tough, but you seem to keep giving it a bloody good go.

I hope you had a lovely Sunday.

Sue

[MXman in reply to suemoff]

Hi Sue,

Yep is been a journey and thank god I have all you wonderful people on here. God bless. Xx