Unknown part 2

[becky41060]

My dad had passed away from cancer, his funeral was 2 weeks before my tbi, in my avoidance of not wanting to face what I had lost, I continued to go out and drive (responsibly) the evening I had chosen to go out was a Saturday night after working a night shift from the Friday, On my night out, as I'm told as no recollection, I had been smashed over the head with a glass bottle leading to concussion, to then drive home but not quite make it after having a failed argument with a tree, to then getting air lifted to Coventry, having a tracheotomy fitted and placed into an induced coma for a month, 3 months later when I was more with it, not only had I forgot how to tie my shoelaces up but also that my dad had died, now I can never know how to feel as I can't remember him...

[cat3]

Retrograde amnesia is common after a brain injury of any kind. It makes sense that your brain will cease to register after a serious injury and lose recently stored memories.

Some people explain it as the brain's way of protecting us from consciousness of the trauma, but it makes more sense to me that our brain is temporarily out of action due to the damage within it.

Memories from before the injury can return months, or even years, later. However, post injury memory loss is rarely recovered. I remember nothing of my journey to hospital or the following 5-6 weeks after a brain haemorrhage despite my apparently being conscious and responsive. And 5 years on those weeks remain lost to me.

You don't say how long ago your accident happened Becky or whether you had surgery. For the first few months it's usual to struggle with after effects such as severe headches, loss of coordination, mobility issues, emotional instability, and more........................ How are you coping ?

You may have to rely on narratives from family to re-aquaint yourself with your dad. It's troubling, I know, to lose a chunk of your life. But to have lost the memory of a parent's death must be dreadfully upsetting. Have you had, or considered, counselling to help you come to terms with your loss ?

Cat x

[becky41060 in reply to cat3]

December 10th 2011 my accident was, I only know that having been told, I've had counselling but thinking on it now it didn't really help me gain perspective on myself, maybe that's because I tend to only hear what I want to, therefore not getting anything out of it, which I know doesn't help me.

[cat3 in reply to becky41060]

Three days before, on December 7th 2011, was when I had my brain haemorrhage !

What were you hoping to achieve with counselling Becky ? The thing is, you only get out of counselling what you put in. It's teamwork ; you recount your innermost feelings openly and honestly.

And the act of verbalising traumatic emotions and private fears can be exhausting but also very cleansing for the mind if done in earnest.

Counselling worked for me though I've never fully understood the dynamics. I always used the 'dracula' metaphor, where repressed, troubling thoughts, exposed to the light often enough, lose all their power.

It can work with an untrained counsellor such as a trusted friend or family member, but best in a structured setting. I did it with my sister in law for several months after my brother died and, after many tears, she emerged stronger and ready to start coping.

I hope you can find a way through your issues Becky. Keep talking .................... xx

[peaches2]

Oh so sorry to read your story, it must be very difficult to come to terms with the fact that you have lost that very special memory of your dad.

Please don't punish yourself about not knowing how to feel and instead allow yourself to go through the motions of feeling whatever way you naturally feel, it's the only thing you can do to release the upset/stress and to give your brain the chance to maybe try and piece things together.

Talking is definitely the thing to do to get it all out, I don't believe that bottling things up does anybody any good at all, so keep talking and always feel you can vent on here; it's a real friendly bunch who will always help you Becky!

You take care.

xx

[eddstjohnoneday]

hi love sorry for what uve been through if it helps you I had my bi and wrote everything down but

didn't no why just I was going dizzy pass out type . anyway I got a phone call had to fly home and I got taken straight to hossie by my dad as my angel mum id been told had chest infection

and was in hossie I go in ye and don't no what doctor was talking about im the eldest son

all I seen was all tubes then nothing we can do turned her life machine of all I remember it took 20

minutes for my angel mums heart to stop 20 min . ive obviously got and write a lot about around the time I could not cry everyone was uncontrollable with tears I couldn't cry .. then that later after I had mri so my bi showed which I told everyone saying I go reelly dizzy . for avlong time before

my mum documented and doctors saying im stressed with pain I new it .

and I lost me dad to cancer . had to fly home night before documentad my brother told me eddie going to see me dad tomorrow ye I now no it was my son I went with written down so my brother says ibsaid dave whats me dad like he ok edd he's just the same az he was at mums funeral big belly comes for a drive and hava a fag just popped up even a nurste said he was normal weight for a six foot man over 12 stone . I turn up with my son he s 5 and a half stone bed ridden

all tubes . the thing Is I cant remember anything before after conversation s nothing

and I wish I could cry I wished I could remember I found talking about it to . people this site god I wish I new about it then . and the helpline staff . they are so like me mum so careing and helpline staff they say like my mum the best angels .

everyone s different . I think love that this is from my heart . I no now that talking to members

or staff on site . if I new it existed god see they helpline staff ladies and site members

would be my choice counselling wouldn't even see me coz I said I died inside when my mum 1st

then dad and how I was mislead and not told how ill they were .

so I would when you only you are ready listen to music of the time off your loss I rememberd

my last words on the phone to my mum before god took her because of a song on the phone I said ok mum love you ill phone tomorrow . im going to post this radio site after you can listen non stop hits of any year any type of music .so im just saying my experience . love I really from the heart this site and members and staff are hear for you . and like me just let it out I do that's all I no

and everyones here for you . like kind words they say the things that keep me going .

infact id say staff and lovely members are medicine . hope this helps love x only talk on site members ill say I prayer for you going to post radio site . for everyone later .