Well, 2002 I had an accident in work where 2 pallets of radiators were pushed off the back of a lorry but landed on me, I suffered a bleed on the brain, few other cuts and bruises, the following month I suffered with a seizure on my way to work, and was diagnosed with epilepsy, I put a litigation claim in, as you would, took 2-3 years for liability be settled, then bout 6years for quantum be settled, so settled 2011, finalised January 2012, so I could start to rebuild my life, suffered bad with depression and anxiety and tried to take my own life many times, family never really been there for me, except for my late mother, who once started getting closer and closer to my older brother, started trying to con money out of me, 1 occasion where she had a crash on her way to mine, then expected me pay excess on her car insurance, another occasion there was holiday accommodation booked but no flights, and decided to tell me 3 days before the holiday that i was supposed be goin away in 3 days, holiday was never my holiday, then i had my mums brother ringing asking me for money for accommodation, it wasnt owt do with me, who needs enemies with family like mine, so I took a step back, just cut contact, my family just get worse and worse, my siblings don’t bother......till they want something, starting with my father now, iv always respected him and looked upto him, but as he’s getting older he’s not teaching his kids to his 2nd wife the meaning of hard work, the value of money etc, instead of getting my dad’s work ethic like I did, they learning from their mother, sit on your backside or lie in bed for rest of their life, for some reason my dad allows it, it’s like whenever something needs paying, they look to me, younger brother Daniel, always asking for lifts as he’s only one who don’t drive, he’ll ask cos he knows I won’t take money off him, my sister went on her last holiday with her wife, to save my dad getting up at the crack of dawn before work to go get her from the airport, I offered to go get her, I later said I was waiting hours for her, my dad asked, who paid the parking, a said my sister, he shook his head as if to say I shud have paid it, my 40th, which was February 2022, I handed my dad a cheque for £20.000, because I look upto him, idolise him, respect him and feel sorry for him, I wanted him to have nice things, take a step back from work, thinking of his health as he has COPD, but he’s never gonna get to retire, as his wife, 18year old kids, have no intention of ever working again, which means iv no respect for them whatsoever and I hate the thought of my dad spending that on them, he did help me feel sorry for him, saying, a don’t wanna still be working when I’m 70 ☹️ unfortunately he’ll be working till he takes his last breath, I don’t agree with living to work, work to live that’s my moto, a mean, iv even ad my older brother break a digital camera once and said, “money you’ve got, just go buy another” then there’s my dad at 63, struggling to pay his massive mortgage off so owt happens to him, atleast Sam an the kids will av somewhere live, disagree with that to, they’d just av move if mortgage weren’t paid off, if sam was an Avon lady, its summet, it shows willing, just none of them ever do owt, 2years after my mums passing, my older brother still harassing my late mums fiance over money, parts of it I agree with but I’m not gonna lower myself to his level, friends have told me that’s how my dad chose to live his life, so that’s his problem, no1 else’s, like a said, I look upto him and respect him, despite him doin things all wrong, ah well, at the end, I’m left with no parents an no siblings, I’m the bad guy somehow
Shocking family : Well, 2002 I had an accident in... - Headway
Shocking family
Wow that's a hell of a lot to deal with and you must be feeling crap. It's hard when you need family support and they can't be there because they're lost in stupid stuff of their own. Just focus on you and don't stress about other people, I waste far too long worrying about others and I'm in a much worse state than them. Hang in there Phil
I honestly would love to find someone with a worse family than mine, it won't exist, I really don't know where I find the strength to keep goin, it's really hard
Yes but you e realised that they're not good enough to be around, because they complicated and draining and not giving. You will make your own life now and you'll be okay, because you have got the strength to keep going.
True, onwards and upwards
I agree with Fificakes2. You have been badly let down by your family, including your dad. You were awarded compensation to allow you to live your life, not to fund that of everyone else. Do not give any more money, don’t let folk know what you have. They are not there to give you emotional support, so look after yourself.
Have you joined a local Headway group? I have found people there who really understand what’s going on with me when others really don’t. It’s a place to get help and advice and to talk freely about challenges.
No, bin one a while back, so where you from? Iv literally no family, a VERY small circle of friends, just can't win with my family, really struggling at the minute, avin dental work done, they shaved my top teeth down, put temp crowns on, but they not on permanently just cemented on, they keep comin off, bottom teeth being done August 16th, then they've gotta heal so gonna be a tough few months 😭😭😭😭😭
That doesn’t sound like fun. I live in Ayrshire with my partner of 13 years. I have two daughters and two grandsons who all live in Midlothian. I have helped my older daughter out a fair but financially but she’s in a better situation now.
I retired from primary teaching three years ago in the October then bashed my head the following May. Retirement hasn’t been quite what I hoped it would be. Had a shunt fitted two months ago and feel much better now, getting back to my old self.
My partner has been amazing, so caring and supportive, couldn’t have managed without him. Very stressful for him too, especially when he had to do so much for me.
Hey Phil
I empathise as my family act/ed , let's say at least unreasonably. Ignored at best by all by 6 of my immediate famifamily, sorry I may have got a brief fone call from my older sister every 6 months- over more than 30 years. Emotionally abused immediately after long hospital stay. Stupid "sister" 3 miles away never called in more than these 30 yrs, to see if OK. All made a scapegoat of me projecting their own personal crap in past, me as vulnerable adult. Kidding themselves, need someone to give them a good talking to regarding disgraceful behaviour. I'm better off without them. I paid for private counselling, best Money I ever spent. Just make sure to get one from the national approved body for psychotherapists.
You're not alone hun
sorry Philcragg I forgot to mention another sister repeatedly used to scream and swear at me, late mother totally disrespected me unless she wanted something or other people were present apart from immediate family. This emotional abuse I alluded to in previous post was so severe I was literally a quaking hunched up wreck.. I managed to muster the strength & escaped although t hey tried to keep me there. Now in much better place although my social life is non existent. Fear for my personal safety whenever alone on public which is 95% of time. Terrible knife crime n gun crime issues don't help. Cats/dogs n music is the way to go- at least its a good start. Best of luck hun
Thanks alot, good to av someone talk to who understands, the only people who understand are the people who have bin through it, hope ur well
hi Philcragg Thank you for your reply. I'm fine, thank you. I do try to keep in mind there are always people in a worse place than me. Ultimately glad to be alive, keep positive and always try the best I can, although sometimes it's not much. Lol
We can never lose hope. I've found that a big motivator for action is whenever I 've had my intelligence insulted and perhaps someone thought I was as stupid as them and it's like they're taking the mick. They are just so unaware in their own little world with their stigmatising stereotypes, that it's amusing. We'll know more about the real world than most of these patronising airheads.
Oh goodness I know how you feel. As they say you can choose your friend's you cannot choose your family. I have disowned some of my family I do not need their negatively around me. I tried & tried & just got it thrown back in my face. I am a socially chatty lady that has a positive head on most times, twice this week have had down days & look back at all that has happened. It upsets me & is really not my problem, its theirs they want me back to how I was, well that is never going to happen. I am who I am, accept me as I am or not at all. Have friend's & rest of family around me who love & support me unconditionally. I do lots of volunteering which really helps me. I am registered disabled, that is not a problem volunteering as can still chat & listen. Have joined many great groups as well. Have you thought about this? That's if your able to get out & about. It's very rewarding & you most certainly will make new friends . I have. Give it a try. Life us for living, go forward & enjoy your life best you can. Big hugs 🫂
hi Louby thank you for your reply.
Many thanks for sharing part of your "story." It is great that you're on good terms with some of your family.
It is difficult for me to get out & about for various reasons. I have little freedom of mobility. You say about volunteering, at least the invaluable 'chat and listen'.
Thanks for getting me thinking as I can chat & listen online maybe. I can explore this idea. Have had great difficulty finding and accessing groups , in spite of my GP arranging 2 separate appointments with 2 different NHS community workers who seperately, sat in my home and promised to send me details of groups or anything to get me involved in the community. I m still waiting for any response, years later. Was half expecting it from my experience 20, twenty years earlier. Nothing's changed.
I try to keep this aspect of my life to the back of my mind but I keep plodding on with every day as it comes. I still have the gift of life but needing a shift I think only I can make. Onwards and upwards. Have a great week.
Hello Sparkle58Yes you can volunteer on line. During covid this was the only option & the elderly that we usually held tea parties for looked forward to our weekly calls.
They are genuinely interested in your life & you will be in theirs. Most have families unfortunately don't see them very often.
Can chat about anything that interests you both.
The local charity that I volunteer for is for over 75s living alone. Therefore being lonely & vulnerable. Many charities out there. Use your search engine to find one that suits you. Volunteering goes both ways. Helping them & helping us.
Good Luck Sparkle let me know how you get on x
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