Hello everyone, Jules here.
I said i would update you as i go along with my therapy for trauma, it might help me that i write it down and tell you as well.
My husband went with me, but waited outside. The session was held at a surgery within the neuro hospital in Newcastle. I am so lucky - it is one of the best in the country and only say 6 miles down the road.
Its taken just over a year of talking, but this is probably my 3rd 'seriously horrible direct one'.
It lasted only an hour maybe hour and half, they feel like 24 hours. My head feels like an over inflated space hopper. I dont feel i am in my environment and everything feels bubble wrapped around me.
We used the EMDR thing again (the bar of moving lights you follow as you are asked to talk about the crash and the hospital - memories and sensations of).
I found it nearly impossible to follow the little green lights as questions were asked and became super sensitive to noises - the clock clicking and people moving in other rooms above.
I still couldn't recall past a certain point, but jumped to memories of hospital. I remember feeling solid - my body and head solid then struggling for breath.
I am sitting here in my office at home now in shock i recalled my lungs collapsing and struggling to breath - it was on my 2nd day in hospital after the crash in Lincoln.
Like a lot of others here on the forum, i was taught to find something in your memory that you like - and think about it when stressed a 'safe place'.
After the shock of this happening i was asked to think of the safe place but, i had a horrific vision flash in my brain.
Before the crash i used to snorkel and i loved finding turtles to swim along side when i was in Saudi. My 'safe place' to think of was the feeling of peace as i swam with and looked into the eyes of the floating turtle (it was a cute baby). But it must have been the stress of the session, i suddenly got a violet picture flash in my head of the turtles head being hurt. It was so frightening.
The therapist turned this around by me imagining the picture again but 'pressing a button' and returning the picture of the turtle back to the beautiful thing it was. It worked.
The therapist said the sessions will get harder still. He spoke to my husband and said i would feel a kind of hangover from it and be physically and mentally very tired. But i may also continue to recall memories now.
I am back to one session per week, very concerned about recall when i am not in the therapy room and how i will react to it. But i think i will be able to use the 'safe place' idea.
Any, sorry its such a long post - just hope it helps someone else.