Only yesterday, an hour after I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy called Andrew, weighing 9lbs 4ozs, I found out that my husband Steven aged 26 (baby's dad) had been knocked down during his lunch break at work & was a hit & run, when two policemen came to see me on the maternity ward of another hospital.
They took me to the hospital, they then took me to the ICU, where I was taken into the relatives room by two doctors & a nurse, who then explained to me that Steven was critically ill in a non medically induced coma as a result of severe brain injuries, which are swelling & bleeding both inside & outside the brain, that they have operated on.
I then asked to see him & the nurse took me to his bedside, where I was taken back all the tubes, wires & machines that he is attached to. His face is badly cut up as well, some of the cuts needed stitches, along with a bandage around his head.
I know that coma patients might be able to hear because I was in a coma for 19 days from brain injuries myself & could hear voices & sounds around me.
I have people looking after the baby whilst I keep a bedside vigil at the hospital with breaks in between. Even close family (my side) & friends are helping me by coming to the hospital & keeping the bedside vigil with me. Steven doesn't have any surviving family members.
One of my close friends & a intensive care nurse have both advised me to ring headway, by saying they are really good & have both given me the number for headway helpline.
Any advice/kind words welcome.
Samantha
Written by
sammy90
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Holy moly, I'm not a wordsmith and I have no eloquent or necessarily comforting words but you certainly have my sympathy and I'm sure the sympathy of everyone else on here.
In terms of advice I think the number one priority is avoiding burnout yourself - you seem to have good support from your family so hopefully that will be easier than it might otherwise have been. Try to strike the balance between bonding with baby, spending time with your husband and giving yourself time to process things and keep your own energy up. Much easier said than done though I imagine...when my youngest was born my wife and I were exhausted all the time due to relentless crying so juggling a baby with the demands of a bedside vigil and the associated emotional turmoil must be hard enough without even starting to think about yourself. Not sure how severe your own head injury was but I dare say that affects the dynamics of the situation too.
I'm gutted for you, what should have been a joyous time for family has been snatched away and has become a time of distress instead. May you all be well, and strong, and lucky x
You say you have been in a long coma, so you know he may come out of it, but of course he might not. Fingers crossed that he has already 'woken up', but if not, do not give up.
I just saw Fuzzyhead's reply, and he (or she) is right. Your poor husband has lots of care, and they will let you know when things are improving. You need to concentrate on making sure you look after little Andrew. He really needs you, and your lovely husband needs his son to be looked after, too. You can't spend all your time with your husband, even though you feel you want to. Andrew can't have his Daddy, right now, but he can have his Mummy, and he needs you.
Samantha I am so sorry that what should have been such a joyous occasion has been marred by this horrible accident. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through.
Your husband has a strong team of people taking excellent care of him round the clock and I really hope that you will feel able to take some time with your new baby and taking care of yourself through all of this. You will need your strength further down the line for sure and you need to take care of you.
I am hoping for the best possible outcome for your family.
Hi my partner had a craniotomy last year from a brain injury. It is amazing how people's brains can recover. I think it's a matter of waiting for the swelling to go down that's why he is in a coma. I know it's so hard but he is in the best possible hands. Why don't you ask to be part of his bed bath in the mornings I use to do that and was allowed to be in with him first thing and I felt more in sync with the situation. Sending you all my love. You are just waiting for him to go from critical to stable that's the first step of good news. My boyfriend was in a coma for two weeks until his swelling went down it can press on the bit that makes you wake up xxxxx
Oh my goodness what a worrying time for you full of mixed emotions! Elation over the birth of your baby and devastation regarding your husband.
My thoughts are with you, and, as others say, take time for you and time to bond with your gorgeous son.
Your husband will be well looked after and your family are visiting and will be talking to him about you and your baby.
I understand completely how you want to be by his side all the time, I was exactly the same when my son had a subarrachnoid haemorrhage, I really struggled to leave him. However he will need you when he comes round and your baby needs you now and vica versa.
Sending you a huge hug, keep in touch and let us know how things progress.
Words fail me.....what an unimaginable situation you find yourself in. I echo all the wise words above, look after yourself and baby, and accept all the help you possibly can. It may be worth asking the hospital to notify the community midwifery/health visitor team who would usually pick up your post natal care on leaving hospital? You need all the support possible at this time. Wishing you all the very best for recovery and for peace.
I totally agree with the comments from the guys who have posted already. You can post on here and feel that anything you are worried about is a valid and not silly. Each of us have either been through or have looked after someone affected by brain injury and there will lots of support and understanding. We all have stories to tell but for now my one piece of advice is look after yourself and baby. Time will tell how well Steven will progress and that will be a long road ahead. So for now take a deep breath and prioritise your health and baby Andrew's. It is for now literally one day at a time.
CT Scans have shown that there is no new bleed inside & outside his brain, also the swelling of his brain has started to go down, this is what I was told earlier today by doctors. Steven hasn't shown any signs of breathing on his own or coming out of the coma yet.
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