Am I being stupid

[Candace8]

I'm very confused by this emotions thing, very confused. I don't know how I should feel and trauma is very hard to deal with.

My nana died last night, my dads mum who I'm very close too.

My brother who Iv never heard from since the crash so I have nothing to do with had a sprog last night. It would of been a baby not not anymore now it's an evil sprog and its mother is more disliked than she already was. It was late, was it waiting to take her life. Am I meant to be happy or sad cause I'm sad

My mum and dad are divorced and my mum never bothers with my dads side. My mum idealises my ikle brother so will ring with pure happiness in her voice when there nothing happy to me. It's taken the time we should be sad and made it all about it.

I really don't know how to handle this joy, sadness. I wouldn't really of been really happy for them anyway but would of been good pretending I am, now nothing. Nothing at all but anger the selfish thing, was it just waiting. Is it true what they say, one in one out. One has to die to let a new one in ??????

[cat3]

It's so hard coping with loss, especially after a brain injury, and losing a parent or grandparent brings especially lonely emotions

But your notion of your brother's baby waiting for your nan to die so he/she can replace her is really extreme Candy. After BI, our emotions are often stretched to the limit so we can & do experience extreme emotions, but the birth of this baby is a simple case of coincidence and nothing sinister.

I really do 'get' what you're saying though, that this is just not a time for celebration. Maybe you could ask your mum to respect your grief and, as you & your brother are estranged anyway, tell her about your lack of interest.

It's inevitable that your mum will be happy about the birth of a grandchild, but she should be made aware that you are being pulled into a very different direction by needing to mourn the loss of your nan.

I'm so sorry for your loss Candy ; you know we're all here if you need/want to talk. xx

[Candace8 in reply to cat3]

Cat you really do speak sense. You were right. My mum however shocked me and was really cool the fact I was upset about my nana and didn't really talk about the baby. I calmed down a few days later and even text my brother congrats. He rang me albeit for the first time in 5 years but he rang to say hi and chatted. My mum says he's not been able too before cause he couldn't handle me being so bad. Out of sight out of mind I think, bless him. I think me making contact is what he needed that I am much better. Next drama,,,, my mum and dad are devorsed cause my dad went off with some one else and he married her. She's been amazing since my crash. I never spoke to her before and if my mum knew she would go mad and pull away from me ,,,, my mum has asked if she can come to the funeral and of course my dad had to say yes. Stress stress and more stressed argh lol xxx

[cat3 in reply to Candace8]

Very tricky Candy, I agree. We had a problem with my ex husband's new wife ; she told everyone (referring to me) that 'X' wives should be just that .................... 'X'. So he and I, who'd remained good friends & had two children together, had to pretend we were completely estranged (though he popped in regularly for a cuppa and a catchup).

It's so sad that people's lives are blighted by the 'other woman' syndrome. (In my case I was both the ex wife and the other woman. Even though I was happy with a new partner, she was pathologically jealous and it was only after my ex's catastrophic brain haemorrhage that she decided to acknowledge me.

Life is much too short to be squandered on hate and envy. It must be hard for anyone seeing their partner go elsewhere for love ; I do understand that. But your mum needs to understand how hard it is for you to please both parents.

I'm not sure I understand why your mum wants to go to the funeral if she didn't bother with your nan. Surely she will be putting herself through unnecessary misery seeing your dad with his present wife.

But it's great to hear that you & your brother have made small steps towards each other. Isn't it a massive relief when that pain of separation starts to ease and you can begin to chip away at the 'hows' and 'whys'.

I hope you can mourn and give thanks for your nan's life at the funeral without any distractions or stress.

Please let us know how it goes Candy. Love Cat xx

[Elenor3]

Oh dear that's a difficult one. I agree very much with Cats reply..... no matter how inextricably linked these things seem to be - they really are co-incidental - but what sad timing for you.

It's awful to lose your nan to whom you were so close. Bi or no bi we still have to grieve - so allow yourself the space to do so and let your mum know how you're feeling. No need to get in touch with your brother if you feel so disinclined. Wishing you peace x