I fell in love with my neuropsychologist and I told her what I felt, now I can't stop thinking about her

[sudokoolpro]

So I went to see this neuropsychologist last year because of my cognitive problems and because my psychiatrist sent me, she was going to do a neuropsychological evaluation and I thought that it was going to be boring and nothing special was going to happen, the first time I saw her she surprised me because I thought she was very very pretty, the first time we didn't work on the evaluation, we just talked about the reason why I was there, what we were going to do and we talked about aphasia and brain injuries, I went to see her like 10 or 12 times for 1 hour each time during a month, the first sessions I didn't feel anything for her and I just wanted the evaluation to end, but as time went on and as I kept seeing her I really enjoyed being with her, and working with her, I felt really really happy being with her, seeing her became the best and happiest part of my life, every time I saw her I got so happy and excited, and we didn't just work on the neuropsychological evaluation, we talked a lot about a lot of things, like the things I enjoy, we talked about my past and my childhood, we talked about autism, but the thing we talked about the most was aphasia and if I have it or not, I trusted her more than any other person in the world, so I told her a lot of personal and intimate things about me and my life, I felt that there was nobody else in the world who I could trust more than her and who could understand me better than her, I thought that she was so intelligent because she knew so many things about the things I asked her, every time I asked her something she gave me an incredibly intelligent and well thought answer, I started to admire her a lot, more than any other person, so when I was in the last days of the evaluation I started to think and feel that I liked her a lot and that I was in love with her, I didn't know if I should tell her what I felt or not, I told my sisted about what I felt and she told me that I should tell her, so the last day of the evaluation I was going to tell her what I felt, but I couldn't tell her because we weren't alone at any point, my mother was with us in the room, and I thought it would be really weird and uncomfortable to tell her with my mom present, so I didn't tell her what I felt and I felt really bad about it, I felt a really strong need to tell her what I felt, to tell her that she was very beautiful and to tell her that I loved her, so I decided to tell her on facebook and so I did, I wrote her a lot of things saying that I loved her with all my heart, that I felt really happy with her, that she is very pretty, that she is very intelligent, that I admire her a lot, and that I will never forget her, five days later she saw my messages and she replied me, she told me this: "I have read your messages Diego, thank you for your admiration and your kind words, I sincerely wish you can be better and do a lot of things that are enjoyable to you", so that's what she told me, I tried many times to talk to her again but she never replied, this happened more than a year ago and since I told her what I felt she has never talked to me again, she has acted like I don't exist or like I am dead, I feel really really sad about what happened, I never wanted it to end like this, I just wish I could be with her one more time, hear her voice and see her beautiful face one more time, I think about her every day, she is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep, almost every day I lie on my bed and I start imagining that I am with her and that I am hugging her and kissing her and telling her I love her, and sometimes when I do that I start crying because I think about all of the beautiful moments we lived together and because I know it's over and that I can't see her anymore, I feel that she is the love of my life and that I will never love another woman ever again, I don't know what to do anymore, I feel like someone whose wife or husband died because I have to live like she doesn't exist anymore, I can't talk to her, I can't see her, I can't be with her, I love her so much, maybe I should start seeing other women so I can forget about her.

[cat3]

Sudokoolpro, you aren't the first and certainly won't be the last to fall for their therapist or other health practitioner. Being alone and sharing intimate details of our life can be very, very seductive and leave us feeling that we could be as special to them as they've become to us.

But it's a mirage, and any practitioner becoming involved with a client would be guilty of malpractice. These people are trained to engage in a personal way in order to create trust and to get the client to open up about all aspects of their lives and feelings. This can be misinterpreted by us as something more than it is, but it's a one way thing which will be practised with other clients repeatedly throughout that practitioner's career.

Your psychologist has behaved morally and according to the rules by politely thanking you and wishing you well in the future. The sooner you distract yourself with other friends, both male and female, the easier it will be to see your obsession as futile. Life can play cruel tricks sometimes ; I hope you'll see it eventually as a learning curve and move on to find two-way happiness elsewhere.

Best wishes, Cat.....

[AndrewT]

Dear sudokoolpro,

I haven't read, all you 'Post, nor do I intend to.... I have One 'thing' to say, you Won't 'Like It' BUT..... Get yourself a new Therapist and NEVER see this one again!... No Really!!

Am I being 'Cruel', yes perhaps- in the Short Term- but Think about this.... If the Therapist Returns, your Love, then you put her in a 'Difficult' position. Imagine that she, genuinely had, some Bad News, think how she would Feel- having to tell you. If she Doesn't 'Share', your Love, then you would 'Hate' her- for the same reason. It is, at the Very Least, going to make actual 'Therapy' difficult- bad enough at the 'best of times'.

Please Do 'End This' for BOTH your Sakes sudokoolpro…..

AndrewT

[sudokoolpro in reply to AndrewT]

I actually did stop seeing this therapist more than a year ago, after I told her what I felt she decided to act like I don't exist and ignore me forever.

[AndrewT in reply to sudokoolpro]

I understand, that you, probably Don't 'understand' this but..... She did you a Very great Favour. In time you Will come to realise this.

AndrewT

[Pairofboots]

Hi. I am sorry to tell you this, and although I have a brain injury, I was in your therapist position.

As a professional it is not allowed to change the relationship from professional to social. It would lead to very harsh sanctions, loss of registration, and be professional misconduct. Professionals speak of being boundaried, this is essential to protect themselves, and prevent abuse of professional position.

As I went through rehab there were people of the opposite sex, that in my previous life, I would have given my right arm to have had a relationship with, but that in my current life I knew too well they were off limits. Besides they had lives in the real world, away from therapy.

It is easy to develop strong feelings, a crush with the professionals we engage with, but at the same time we would not wish them any harm to their career, or their current life.

I have known people that have stepped over the professional boundary, and they have lost everything, including their professional respect, registration, and former professional friendships. There are far reaching consequences for breaking those professional boundaries.

It is good that you can talk about it in this forum, but as others have said, for your own sake it is time to let go, and move on.

If you don't move on, this could result in serious consequences to your own life, any continued contact could result in legal action being taken against you, and lead to a criminal conviction. That is how serious this is.

[Papillion007 in reply to Pairofboots]

Second paragraph. 'aloud' should be 'allowed'. ('Jus' sayin').

[Pairofboots in reply to Papillion007]

Corrected, thanks for letting me know, my spilling ain't what it used to be, and my fingers do the typing 😂

[Lynd]

I think many of us have loved someone who doesn't love us back.

It's a sad fact of life but we have to learn to close that book and put it down to experience.

Plenty more fish in the ocean my Mum would say.

Take care.

[Papillion007 in reply to Lynd]

Your mum is so right.

[sealiphone]

The first thing to accept that you are not in 'love' with your therapist but you have been in a situation were this person has given you the support that you needed due to your vulnerability and if your therapist had been male you would probably want them to be a close friend.

Even though I was never a therapist giving support to someone when the desperately need it, has caused this type of situation to arise from both sexes and be it wanting to be a 'friend' or being in love when they are heterosexual is a reasonably common occurrence and well recognised.

If you are able to accept this it's the first step to move forward and look to find others who make you feel whole again and who are right for you.

[miracleman]

Just going to tell you what I think! I had a TBI 11 years ago, I was in hospital for six months. Don't remember the first 3! Remember my speech therapist, was with me for a couple of months prior to my discharge; think I had a strong crush on her at the time. I had been visited every day by my wife of 16 years, but spent an hour or more with the younger attractive woman, she was positive, and I think we got on well! I had the occasional fantasy thoughts about something starting between us. I understand what you are going through, and empathise. I won't tell you what to do,but I am still married. My wife has been my saviour, has supported me when I have been at my worst. I don't know your personal position, but when someone is expressing compassion and empathy when you are in a vulnerable position. I don't remember her name, but I can remember the considered and caring way she dealt with me. She was very good at her job, professional and dedicated.I thought we had a close personal relationship, I thought she liked me; I now think I was undoubtedly one of her caseload of hospital patients, and I was misreading the personable professional job she was carrying out! I wish you all the best!

[sealiphone]

It may be helpful to read this article which addresses your experience, you will see that this is very common.

psychologytoday.com/gb/blog...

[RogerCMerriman]

These sort of experiences are very personal, and even if you don’t have a brain injury or what not, its I can see why folks would feel that way.

Personally in a lot of my rehab I was excited/terrified confused and so on!

I also have experienced it on the other side!